Candace Schuler - The Cowboy Way

“Well, I’m gonna make another one. I’m the maid of honor. It’s my job.” Jo Beth rose unsteadily to her knees and thrust her empty glass out across the table, waggling it back and forth under the blonde’s nose. “Come on, Roxy. Pour me another shot so I can do my job.” She waved her free hand expansively. “Pour everybody another shot.”

“Everybody” consisted of all six bridesmaids and the bride-to-be. They were ranged around the glass-topped coffee table in Cassie’s living room in various states of dishabille, from Roxy Steele’s pink satin and black lace chemise, to Cassie’s white eyelet baby doll with embroidered forget-me-not blue flowers, to Jo Beth’s yellow cotton knit tank top and green plaid boxer shorts. Thanks to the professional manicurist Roxy had hired as her contribution to the festivities, they all wore Juicy Peach polish on their toenails and sported matching French manicures.

The table was littered with cold slices of half-eaten pizza, barbecued chicken wings and baby back ribs on paper plates, chocolate-smeared sundae glasses, an empty Sara Lee cheesecake box, and a pile of squeezed-out lime wedges. A phallic-shaped saltshaker sat, strategically placed, atop the centerfold of the most recent issue of Playgirl magazine.

They’d started the evening with two unopened bottles of Jose Cuervo’s finest. The first lay on its side under the table, its contents sacrificed to the evening’s merriment. The second bottle was barely half-full.

Roxy obligingly served it up, pouring shots all around. Most of it ended up in the glasses, but some sloshed over onto the table. Not much, though, considering the bartender was halfway sloshed, as well.

Jo Beth bent her head, licking stray drops of tequila off her fingers, then raised her glass and waited until all five of the other bridesmaids—and the bride—had raised theirs, too.

“To Rooster Wills, the groom-to-be.” Her tone was somber, her manner solemn and almost respectful, as if she had something of particular gravity to say.

“To Rooster Wills,” they echoed, equally somber and serious.

They clinked glasses. More tequila sloshed onto the table.

“May he have more sexual stamina and staying power than the bird he was named after,” Jo Beth said and tossed back the content of her glass in one dramatic gulp.

A cacophony of feminine voices erupted in whoops and squeals. Someone giggled. Someone else spewed a mouthful of tequila out of her nose. They had reached the point in the evening’s festivities where every utterance seemed screamingly funny to at least half of them, and deeply profound to the rest. They’d also gotten to the point where the discussion of sex was inevitable—and inevitably risqué.

“So how about it, Cassie?” Roxy put her forearm flat on the table for balance and leaned in close, unmindful of the puddles of tequila soaking into the front of her satin chemise. “How is ol’ Rooster in the sack?”

Cassie shook her head. “I don’t kiss and tell,” she muttered, hiding a lopsided smile behind the rim of her glass. “It’s not ladylike.”

“Aw, come on, Cassie.” LaWanda Brewster fluffed her springy red curls in a gesture she’d copied from watching countless old Mae West movies. “There aren’t any ladies here. Spill.”

“Yeah, spill, Cassie.” The added encouragement came from Melissa Meeker, an elegant and urbane mortgage broker who’d flown in from Atlanta the previous evening. “I’ve always wanted to know if what they say about bull riders is true.”

Cassie came out from behind her shot glass and aimed a smile at her old college roommate and sorority sister. “And just what do they say about bull riders?”

“Well.” Melissa edged closer to the table and leaned in to dish. Everyone else leaned in, too, until they were huddled over the coffee table like a gaggle of teenaged girls at a slumber party whispering about S-E-X. “I don’t have any personal experience, you understand. Not like some lucky people I could name—” she rolled her eyes at Cassie, who rolled them right back at her “—but I’ve heard tell that all that experience riding bulls sort of transfers over into other, more, shall we say, intimate kinds of riding.” She waggled her perfectly plucked eyebrows. “If you get my meaning.”

They all got it, but, “No, tell us what you mean,” LaWanda said. “Don’t be shy. Just lay it right out there on the table.”

“I mean,” Melissa continued, “if a bull rider can stick on the back of a bull with all that bucking. And twisting.” She drew out each word, her voice husky and heated and not the least bit shy. “And thrashing. And heaving. Well, then, it just naturally follows that he’d have that same kind of expertise and stick-to-it-ness in bed. At least—” she sighed lustily “—I sure hope it does.”

Jo Beth sighed, too, thinking of one particular cowboy bucking and twisting and thrashing around in bed. It created quite a vivid picture in her mind’s eye. She sank back down on her heels and crossed her arms, very casually, over her chest in an effort to conceal just how vivid that picture was. Some of the other bridesmaids weren’t so circumspect.

“Oh, gawd,” LaWanda squealed. “My nipples are getting hard just thinking about it.”

“Speaking of nipples…” Barb Kittner, mother of two, heavily pregnant with her third, and the only one of the seven women who hadn’t sampled the tequila, smiled dreamily. “Cowboys have great hands. Have y’all noticed that? Big. Strong. Capable.” Her dreamy smile turned a shade sly as she pinched her own nipples through the fabric of her soft cotton nightshirt. “Talented.”

The other women hooted in approval.

Jo Beth pressed her thighs together and tried not to think of Clay Madison’s hands and what she had imagined them doing to her earlier that afternoon. Tried not to think of what they would most certainly have done if she’d invited him into the water tank with her instead of sending him away. If she’d said yes, if she’d actually allowed him to do everything she’d imagined him doing, she wouldn’t be suffering the tortures of the foolishly celibate now, listening to the other women talk about cowboys’ legendary—and wholly inflated!—sexual expertise.

“They’ve got great butts, too. Nice and small with tight, compact little buns. Tasty.” Karen Holden, oldest bridesmaid by six months and leader of the Bowie First Fellowship Church Choir, smacked her lips. “Mighty tasty.” She chuckled wickedly. “Makes me want to leave teeth marks on ’em.”

“Good idea.” LaWanda waved her empty glass to show her approval. “Put your brand right smack-dab on their cute little tushies. Keep ’em from straying.”

Jo Beth pressed her thighs even tighter together, and prayed for a turn in the conversation. Good Lord! Did all women have the same fantasies about cowboys? Or had she somehow telegraphed her lustful daydreams to the rest of the bridesmaids? Not that she’d actually imagined biting Clay’s backside but…damn if the idea didn’t sound kind of appealing, now that she thought of it. She squirmed slightly, trying to banish the picture of Clay lying facedown in the sheets on her bed, his tight little cowboy butt offered up like a particularly tasty treat.

“They’ve got great shoulders, too,” Melissa said. “Have you noticed? You just don’t see any stoop-shouldered cowboys running around, now do you? I wonder why that is?”

An instant picture formed in Jo Beth’s mind of Clay Madison’s shoulders. They were a yard wide, at least. Or they’d looked that wide, at any rate, with him sitting up there, atop that pinto gelding, with the sun at his back, silhouetting his impressive shoulders against the blue sky. They’d have been more impressive, of course, without the shirt. Jo Beth closed her eyes, imagining it…imagining him slowly unsnapping the front of that black shirt…imagining him sliding it down off one magnificently broad shoulder…imagining…