Janice Carter - Past, Present And A Future

“Oh, no. Trust me, now I’ll never be able to see myself in any other role. It’s just that I never expected to…well…settle down like this without doing all the things I once dreamed of. Isn’t it ironic how we both have kind of exchanged places?”

“What do you mean?”

“Remember when we were in our last year at Twin Falls High, dreaming of going off to college and starting new, exciting lives for ourselves?”

Clare smiled. “I do.”

“I distinctly recall one sleepover being entirely devoted to what we wished for in our future. I wanted to be rich, famous and travel the world. But what shocked me—at the ripe old age of seventeen—was that you said you wanted to marry Gil Harper and live in Twin Falls for the rest of your life.”

Clare’s smile froze. “I don’t remember that at all,” she said.

Laura held up a hand. “Now don’t get all worked up, Clare Morgan. But you did say it.”

Clare leaned over to pick up her purse, slung over the arm of her chair. Laura had an uncanny knack for calling up the most embarrassing moments in one’s life, she thought. But she did remember. Her ridiculous wish was uttered a scarce six months after she’d started dating Gil—when she was still madly in love with him. She draped her purse over her shoulder. “If you say so, Laura. You obviously have a much better memory than I.”

Laura cued in to the stiffness in Clare’s voice. She stammered out an explanation. “I was just thinking…you know…how funny it is that I married my high-school sweetheart and bought a house in Twin Falls while you went on to become rich and famous.”

Clare saw the worry in Laura’s face. Neither, she knew, wanted the weekend to finish on a sour note. She reached out and affectionately tapped the end of Laura’s nose. “Not rich or really famous yet but…hopefully…getting there.” When she laughed, Laura’s face creased in relief.

They smiled at one another for a long moment before Laura said, “Thanks ever so much for coming, Clare. I know how hard it must have been for you and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. Promise not to wait another two years before we see each other again?”

“Yes,” Clare said, reaching out to embrace her. “And when you’ve finished nursing Emma and are feeling like you need a break, let me know. I’d love some company.”

“Oh, I’ll take you up on that one for sure!” She walked Clare to the door. “Say hello to Miss Stuart for me.”

Clare waved goodbye and headed for her car. As she pulled away from the curb, she craned around to see Laura waving goodbye from the doorstep. Her adolescent wish from years ago surfaced again. If life had played out the way you’d expected, that would be you at home with a baby. That was the scenario she’d fantasized about while dating Gil, scrawling “Mrs. Clare Harper” over and over in her notebook during Chemistry class.

Instead, she’d led mainly a solitary life, finding fulfillment in teaching and later, success in writing. Success that had come at a price. Her hard work over the past few years had pretty much excluded a personal life. At least, one that sustained love and the promise of a long-term partnership. Now the notion of marriage and children was not only daunting, but completely mind-boggling.

“IT WAS SO WONDERFUL of you to come,” Lisa Stuart said to Clare as her twelfth-grade English class scrambled out the door.

Clare smiled at the woman who had been not only her favorite teacher in high school, but who’d inspired her to major in English at college. She was struck again by how little her teacher had changed over the years. But then, she reminded herself, seventeen years ago Lisa Stuart had been a new teacher and probably not much older than her students. It was odd how once you passed thirty, the age gap seemed to shrink.

“I just hope they weren’t too bored,” Clare said.

“Heavens, no! Did you notice how quiet it was in here when you were speaking? They hung on to every word.”

“Especially the ones referring to royalties,” Clare quipped.

“Yes, very typical of young people these days to get to the bottom line.” She sighed. “If there’s no money attached to something, it seems there’s no value in it. Are you sure you don’t want to come up to the staff room for a coffee?”

“I really need to get on the road. I’m due in Hartford at noon.”

Lisa nodded. “Thanks again, Clare. It was very nice to be able to brag about you. Teachers don’t always have success stories like yours. And it was lovely of you to attribute some of that success to me, though I think you were far too generous.”

“Not at all, Miss Stuart. You weren’t just my favorite. All the kids loved you. By the way, Laura Dundas sends her regards. Remember her? She married Dave Kingsway.”

“Please call me Lisa, Clare. And yes, I remember Laura very well. I saw the birth announcement in the Spectator. She and her husband must be thrilled.”

“They are.” Clare began to pack the sample books she’d brought into her canvas bag. She glanced around her.

“Missing something?”

“My new book. I passed it around but I don’t see it anywhere.”

Lisa frowned. “It’s got to be here.” She walked around the room. “There it is. Someone’s left it on a desk. Kids never seem to listen.” She brought it to Clare. “And thanks for signing my personal copy.”

Clare tucked the book into the bag. “Well thank you for buying a copy. I was going to give you one.”

“You can’t give them away, Clare. Every cent of royalty counts. Have you had a chance while you were in town to see many of your old high-school friends?”

Clare wondered how much her former teacher had been aware of her students’ personal lives. “Not really,” she evaded. “Most have moved out of Twin Falls.”

“I read yesterday’s article in the Spectator,” Lisa said.

Clare fiddled with the clasp on her purse. “Oh, yes? What did you think of it?”

“Typical of that reporter’s usual fare. An attempt to be sensational. To incite public speculation. I hate it when journalists pretend to be writing one thing but really have an agenda all their own. He starts off by claiming to review your novel and suddenly shifts into something that happened years ago. I haven’t finished your book yet, but I found his claims about the similarities between the two to be exaggerated.”

“I’m afraid people will think I was merely rewriting history and camouflaging it as fiction.”

“Well, obviously you drew on your experiences in a small town with your heroine but I never actually thought the story was based on real life.”

Clare swallowed hard, resisting the urge to admit that one or two incidents had actually occurred. “Plus the death in my novel wasn’t a murder.”

“Exactly. I thought Withers was stretching it to focus on the Rina Thomas murder the way he did. Anyway, it happened so long ago I doubt a lot of readers even know about the case.”

“Unfortunately, they do now.” Clare sighed.

“Don’t let people like Withers get to you, Clare. As I said, he was more interested in producing a bit of sensationalism than in giving an honest review.”

“Thanks for that. And thanks, too, for the opportunity this morning. It’s been a while since I faced a group of teenagers in a classroom.”

“Your teacher training was very evident, believe me,” Lisa said. “I’ve encouraged some of the kids to read the book for their novel study this term.”

Clare slipped on her coat, picked up the canvas book bag and her purse and walked with Lisa to the door. There, she impulsively hugged her. “Thanks again, Lisa. For everything.”

She hastened along the corridor to the exit nearest the parking lot. Her low heels clipped along the tile floor, echoing in the muted quiet as classes droned on behind closed doors. She had a sudden flash to another day when she had rushed along this same hall, eager to meet Gil on the playing field after his baseball practice.