Caridad Pineiro - Death Calls

Ryder stroked his hand along her hair, down to her jaw. “There’s no need to apologize.”

“But there is. I asked you to leave. I can’t expect you to show up here whenever—”

“I came of my own volition, darlin’.”

This was wrong, Diana thought. How could she ever have a normal life if she gave in to her need for him whenever he came around? Especially now when she was unprepared and unwilling for this to go any further. But she needed an anchor. Something stable to stop the way her world was spinning out of control.

But Ryder couldn’t be that anchor tonight. She was still too uncertain of her feelings for him and for a life filled by things other than death and mayhem. And vampires, both good and bad.

She must have tensed, because he asked, “What’s wrong?”

She answered him frankly, wanting everything out in the open. “When my father died, I lost it. I let myself slip into…a bad place. The things I did. To myself. To Sebastian. To the other people I cared about…”

“But you left that world, Diana. You had the strength to make something of yourself.”

“I thought I’d left that world. And then I met you.” She placed her hand over his chest, rubbed it back and forth as she added, “Like you slip into your human skin when beneath—”

“There’s the demon who doesn’t want to play nice.”

She nodded. “Maybe that’s what brought us together. That twisted piece inside us that we can both barely control.”

“That’s not what it is, but you’re too afraid to admit the truth.”

The truth? She didn’t know what that was. “I know you want—”

“For you to be happy, darlin’. I want that more than anything.”

“I want the same for you. Only—”

He placed his finger on her lips to silence her. “You don’t need to say it.”

No, she didn’t. They both understood their happiness might lie on separate paths.

“How do you handle it? Losing everyone and everything you know?”

His body stiffened beside hers and although he didn’t say the words, she somehow knew. He had dealt with it much as she had—by putting up a wall around part of himself. By never letting anyone into that safe place.

“You stopped caring. You shut yourself off from the world.”

“Like you did, darlin’. Only…that’s not living. It’s just surviving.”

But retreating had helped her temper her hurt. Had let her function.

“Sometimes you have to embrace the darkness before you can get on with life,” he said.

She met his gaze then, so intense and compelling. Filled with so much darkness.

“It’s not always pain between us,” Ryder said. He cradled her jaw, offering solace with that touch.

“Isn’t it?” she countered. “What do I bring you but the prospect of loss? Of watching me—”

She couldn’t finish as he covered her mouth with his hand. “Don’t. Please.”

He could silence her physically, but not completely. I can’t bring you such pain.

“Do you think leaving me now is any less painful?”

She shook her head, dislodging his hand from her mouth, but when she gazed up at him, he had morphed. His glowing eyes pierced the night, drawing her into their depths. Reminding her of what she would give up if she left him for good. The passion they could share forever.

The call of that promise…

Was sometimes too tempting. Like now, when she was so weak. So confused. When death had touched her life and made her wonder what it would be like to never die.

Except that she couldn’t imagine living forever. She couldn’t imagine seeing everyone around her die. Or fearing something as simple and beautiful as a sunrise. But she also couldn’t imagine how Sylvia had spent those last moments of life. Had she suffered? Had she wanted more time?

Will I when it is my turn to die?

I would never take advantage of your fears, he said, returning to his human state.

You just did. She moved away from him. “I have to go. I need to be ready for tomorrow.”

Tomorrow she was going to help Peter with the investigation in what little free time she had. The day would demand her total concentration.

So she slipped back inside her apartment and shut him out of her mind and, she hoped, out of her heart.

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