Linda Castle - The Return Of Chase Cordell

He was beginning to think returning to Mainfield had been a mistake. Everything and everyone he met made him want to turn around and ride out, to lose himself in obscurity, to forget about finding his lost self. Everyone except for Linese.

Linese made him want to stay. Her shy smile and delicate features lured him toward the unknown. The thought that he could reclaim a past they had shared made him want to challenge his fears, to probe his past. She was an anchor in a sea of doubt and despair. He realized that even though he had no real feeling for her that he could recall, no actual memory of having fallen in love with her, he was glad she was his wife. He was glad she was the woman who had waited two years for his return.

The sudden realization brought a cold fist of sadness to Chase. If not for the fear of his infirmity being discovered, he would gladly seek comfort in Linese’s arms. It was a bittersweet truth to face. He would happily allow himself to be a real husband to her, if not for the possibility of her comparing him now to the man he had been.

Chase feared she would find the present persona of himself sadly lacking. She had known him in a way no other person could have known him. Any slip of the tongue, any mistake in action would bring the truth crashing around him like grapeshot. That one fact forced him to keep a rock-solid wall between himself and Linese.

Chase was still lost in his own private hell when he stepped through the door of the newspaper office and found himself toe-to-toe with Mayor Kerney. The shorter man looked up at him. Chase glanced around and found a small group of well-dressed, prosperous-looking men inside the Gazette. One man was verbally haranguing a whipcord-thin fellow covered from chin to toe in black ink. Linese was standing in the corner of the room watching the whole scene in tight-lipped but silent disapproval. She still had her gloves on and held her bonnet stiffly in one hand.

The besmudged man turned away from his inquisitor and looked at Chase. His black eyes glittered with intelligent irritation. Chase surmised he was staring at Hezikiah Hersh-ner and he felt a measure of relief.

He knew it was foolish that, under the circumstances, he would have begrudged Linese the company of a young, handsome man in his absence, but he admitted to himself he was glad Hezikiah was twice his age and plain as pudding.

“I’m glad you’ve arrived, Major. These gentlemen want to talk to the newspaper editor about certain plans they have,” Hezikiah told Chase curtly.

Chase saw the printer’s gaze slide over to Linese. She lowered her eyes and flushed a pretty rose under the man’s pointed attention. Hershner stared at her as if he expected her to say something more, but she remained silent under Chase’s gaze. He had the feeling there was much more going on beneath the cool exterior of Linese’s proper manners and demure silence. He tried to quell the sharp, yearning desire he had to explore her depths. With little enthusiasm, Chase forced himself to look back at Mayor Ker-ney and away from the beautiful mystery he was married to.

The mayor stepped forward. Chase remembered the long-winded speech he had suffered through at the train station and cringed inwardly. It was too damned hot, and his head hurt from trying to remember Ira Goten and his mysterious gifts, to be subjected to another political sermon.

“I told you, Hershner. Major Cordell will be pleased to see us and just as pleased to hear what we have to say.” The mayor winked at Chase as if they shared a confidence. Doubt about his past came seeping back into his limbs like cold water into a sponge.

Hezikiah turned back toward the press. He mumbled something under his breath that Chase couldn’t quite make out.

“Why don’t you step into my husband’s office, Mayor Kerney,” Linese gestured to a door that cut a wall in two equal sections. “I’m sure you will want to speak privately.”

Chase didn’t have the slightest idea what the men wanted to speak to him about, and he didn’t want to speak with them privately or any other way. He grasped Linese’s gloved hand in his own and looked down at her. When he stared into her eyes he felt an internal tug. For one moment he thought he might remember her, but he was wrong, and the strange notion evaporated from his mind. Disappointment left him feeling empty and more alone.

He knew it was foolish to want her with him, but he did. When she stood beside him, he felt less like a trapped animal.

“Linese.” He lowered his voice so only she could hear. “I’d like you to be with me in case I have any questions about—about the Gazette— about what’s been going on while I was away.” He marveled at how easily the lie slipped from his tongue. Had he been a liar in the past or was this aspect of his murky personality something new?

“You want me to be there while you talk business?” she murmured softly.

“Yes.” Chase watched Linese scan his face with innocent blue eyes that turned him inside out. She had the ability to make him feel stripped bare to the bone, make him feel more of a man and less of a man than he was now. His belly twisted painfully while he wondered if he had been a better man in past. Surely he must have been to have won such a prize as her.

Linese studied Chase’s face and tried to understand the man who had returned to her. Chase had met with the mayor and the members of the local business association on at least two occasions after he brought her to Mainfield. He had made it plain at both meetings that he did not want her around, just as he’d made it clear that women should have no opinion about business. Her head swam while she tried to reason out the change two years of war had wrought. Finally she simply allowed herself to answer, even though she had no idea how or why his attitudes were so different than they used to be. “All right, Chase, if that is what you want.”

“It is what I want, Linese.” He impulsively gave her hand a little squeeze as a sort of silent thank-you.

Her cheeks flushed prettily when he stared at her a moment longer than propriety dictated he should gaze at his wife in front of the mayor and his associates. He heard one of them clear his throat in annoyance or possibly discomfort while time seemed to hang suspended. A strange sensation began to creep over Chase. It was like witnessing the first dawn. The feeling flooding through him was like watching sunrise turn pitch to a paler shade of gray. Each time he looked at Linese he felt a small part of the bleak places in his mind recede.

He felt something for her then, something more than simple indebtedness, and not only the strong physical attraction he could not deny. His heart was buffeted by an emotion infinitely more complicated and undefinable. Whatever the unique awareness was, it was just as potent and threatening to him as his fear of being exposed. Linese had a power over him, a power that fascinated and disturbed him. He craved her company at the same moment he feared her nearness. It was a puzzle Chase didn’t understand, but he would have to think about it later since the businessmen were waiting to speak with him. Chase tore his gaze from Linese and managed a smile.

“Gentlemen,” he said, and gestured to the doorway.

All the men who had been in the outer office managed to squeeze into the cramped confines of the smaller one. Chase felt his body shoved against Linese while he made room for the pudgy mayor.

Finally the door slammed shut and the mayor took a deep breath that threatened to empty the room of oxygen. “Chase, the Businessman’s Association met this morning at my office.”

Chase glanced down at the top of Linese’s head and noticed the soft, silky texture of her pale hair. The scent of honeysuckle blossoms and starched cotton wafted up from her body, while the temperature in the small office rose in accordance with the hot air the mayor was expelling. He struggled to listen to what the man was saying, but his mind was more occupied with the way Linese’s body fit next to his own.