Lindsay Armstrong - An Unsuitable Wife

‘Ah,’ Sidonie responded. ‘No, it wouldn’t. It’s still the same me, you see. Just as you would probably be highly uncomfortable in anything other than shorts and a T-shirt, and with a decent haircut, I wouldn’t be any less me . And if you were implying that men might be tempted to take more of an interest in me were I to do those things you suggested—two points.’ She gestured and reached for her glass. ‘Life might certainly surprise me but would it actually improve? I wonder—’

He broke in with a half-smile, ‘Why shouldn’t it? Or do you have something against men finding you attractive?’

‘Not the right man, no.’ It was her turn to look faintly quizzical. ‘They don’t seem to be too thick on the ground, however. But you know, it’s not so much men —or the lack of them—that bothers me. It’s—this lack of purpose, not being able to find the right job, the right niche. That’s what really bothers me.’

‘On the other hand, is that not why you left Melbourne? Because of your failed—relationship?’

Sidonie frowned. ‘Well, obviously it was one reason. It’s not very pleasant to be thrown over for another woman; I can’t deny that it made a bit of a dent in my self-esteem but I’ve got the feeling it might not have worked anyway.’

‘And why is that?’ Mike Brennan queried with a straight face.

Sidonie chewed her lip. ‘I know it sounds odd and what I really mean is this, I think...’ She paused. ‘We were good friends and perhaps we confused that with being in love. It was certainly all very nice and comfortable but when he fell in love with this other girl it sort of dawned on me that there’d been no real passion in our relationship. No heart-stirring stuff, no feeling breathlessly happy and not wanting to be away from each other for a moment. Which is how he felt about her,’ she said ruefully. ‘And of course I was then led to wonder whether I was capable of inducing that kind of thing in a man. It’s not always a help to be interested in the kind of things I am, from a man’s point of view, I’m beginning to perceive. I think, speaking very generally, of course, men still prefer women to be very feminine.’

‘And you don’t think you are?’ Mike Brennan said in a totally deadpan way.

‘Not outwardly ,’ Sidonie replied, her brow furrowed as she concentrated. ‘Take my choice in clothes for one thing—I’m really happiest in a pair of overalls so I never bother much about them and when I do I never get it right. I have a lot of trouble with my hair, I—’ But she hesitated and stopped, thinking that her other major shortcoming might be better kept a secret until there was no turning back. So she said instead, ‘Do you know what I mean at all?’ and winced when she thought she saw a glint of compassion in his eyes and said hastily, ‘It doesn’t really matter. As I said earlier, it’s not my main cause of concern.’

He looked at her thoughtfully for a long moment. ‘As a matter of fact I agree with you,’ he said finally. ‘To the extent that the outward manifestations of one’s femininity, or masculinity for that matter, may not always be a true guide.’

‘Oh, I’m so relieved to hear you say so!’ Sidonie smiled at him widely and then was struck by an awful thought which caused her to start to colour and add disjointedly, ‘Not...I mean...not in any personal sense, of course! Just that it reflects that you could be a thinking, fairly intelligent sort of person... Oh, dear,’ she wound down unhappily, ‘perhaps I should say no more.’

‘Perhaps,’ he agreed but with a wicked little glint of amusement dancing in his eyes. ‘But until you make up your mind on my intelligence or otherwise, may I make a practical suggestion this time? Why don’t you unpack, have a shower and change? You don’t need to be careful of water while we’re in the marina; I’ll fill up again before we go—and I’ll start dinner. The sun has slipped past the yard arm, in case you hadn’t noticed.’

* * *

Half an hour later Sidonie emerged from the forward cabin a bit hesitantly. The shower had been wonderful, the cabin, although small, had ample space for her possessions and she’d changed into a pair of white shorts and one of the T-shirts she’d bought. She’d also washed her hair and plaited it. The aromas coming from the galley were delicious, but despite all this she couldn’t help but be struck by the thought that she’d committed herself to sharing a very confined space with a total stranger and she didn’t even know for how long.

So she was quiet as they ate grilled lamb chops, a potato casserole topped with cheese and tomato, and fresh green beans, followed by a fresh fruit salad and cream. She also declined any more wine and was just gearing herself up to ask some pertinent questions when Mike Brennan pushed away his dessert plate and said idly, ‘I’d guess you’d like to know my plans.’

‘Oh. Yes,’ she replied gratefully.

‘Know anything about the Whitsunday area?’

‘No,’ she confessed. ‘Not a lot. I boned up on cattle and cattle stations et cetera—I’m actually a walking mine of information on different breeds...Simmental, Poll Herefords, Charolais as well as artificial insemination and the like, which was a bit of a waste of time as it’s turned out although they say knowledge can never be useless—but I wasn’t expecting to be out on the water.’

‘Well, come and have a look at the map,’ he said, again looking wickedly amused, and a moment later was showing her the main islands in the area. ‘Hayman, Hook, Whitsunday, Haslewood, Hamilton all have protected anchorages, so what I plan is a leisurely cruise around them for a couple of weeks and then I’ll be taking her down to Tin Can Bay, which is to be her home base.’ His finger moved a long way down the map and Sidonie’s eyes widened.

His own eyes narrowed faintly as he watched her and he said after a moment, ‘That will be something for us to make a mutual decision about—whether you come that far or I drop you back here.’

‘I see.’ She thought for a bit and looked around. ‘It looks brand-new, this boat.’

‘It is. There are only about twenty hours on the log, which is why I decided to take on crew. There are inevitably teething problems on new boats and it’s handy to have someone else on board.’

‘I would have thought you needed a man.’

‘As a matter of fact I’ve had some excellent crew, sailing-wise, who were girls, although none with your mechanical experience. And even if they can’t sail it’s a great help to have someone to cook when things are going wrong.’

‘I see,’ Sidonie said again, mentally digesting this and wondering what else those girls had been good at.

‘What you’re wondering now, my friend Sidonie,’ he said with a tinge of irony, ‘doesn’t sit that well with the sentiments you expressed earlier.’

Sidonie raised her expressive grey eyes to his and there was a certain cool hauteur in them. ‘No? Which sentiments were those?’

‘That women can be good at all sorts of things, as you yourself are, and men should be able to accept that and see beyond the frills and furbelows. At least I think that’s what you were trying to say.’

‘Ah,’ she murmured, not lowering her gaze by a fraction, ‘I was. I was not, however, to be seen kissing you in public this morning or, more to the point, being kissed by you after crewing on your boat.’

A look of exasperation tempered by some devilish humour came to his expression. ‘All the same I didn’t sleep with them; they were only on board for the trip down from Townsville where I...where the boat was bought, and because they were sweet, nice kids who’d enjoyed every minute of their adventure, and because I know one of their brothers rather well, I kissed them goodbye. Furthermore, in case you weren’t aware of it, it was not the kind of kissing lovers indulge in; people are very informal in this part of the world and among the boating fraternity, Miss Hill; and if those kind of quite innocent things are going to shock you all the time, we may have to rethink our...association.’