Kelsey Roberts - Handsome As Sin

“I usually manage to find someplace warm to stick my hands.”

“One more crack like that and I’ll be happy to tell you where to stick them.”

Josh raised his hands, palms out. “You can’t fault a guy for trying.”

“Yes,” she promised him. “I can.”

Ellie had just pulled onto the main street when Josh asked, “Is that what your little vacation is all about? You having difficulty with your love life?”

She shrugged. “Not trouble, exactly.”

“That’s not the impression I got when that gorilla showed up.”

“Mike is having a hard time dealing with rejection.”

“Not used to being the dumpee?”

She glanced over at him, smiling. “He’s probably no better at it than you are.”

“I’ve never been dumped.” Josh blew on his fingernails and buffed them theatrically.

“There’s a first time for everything,” she warned.

“Not for this kid,” he answered. “I let them know right up front that I’m not into ‘happily ever after.’”

“You know something,” Ellie said as she carefully slowed for a traffic light. “Susan was right, you are slime.”

Josh laughed. “I see our psychic waitress has already given you the word on me.”

“Susan, Rose, Beth, Shelby...”

“I get the picture,” he said.

“But at least you’re honest slime.”

“A regular Boy Scout. Not like that shady Devereaux character.”

Ellie felt her smile slip. “I wonder whether that bit about the penny was real.”

“You think he was really after a penny? Or just there to rip us off?”

“Who knows. But if I had a valuable coin, I sure wouldn’t be stupid enough to lose it in a bar.”

“He didn’t seem like the stupid type,” Josh stated after he told her to make a left turn at the next corner. “That’s why I think all that crap about the coin was a put-on.”

“You’re probably right. I just feel terrible for Rose. Those ornaments looked like they were completely destroyed.”

“Good.”

“Josh!” she admonished. “They meant a lot to her. You should feel terrible since it was partially your fault.”

“My fault? I was only trying to stop that guy from ripping her off.”

“You could have been more careful.”

“I’ll remember that the next time I’m tossing some ugly drunk out of the bar.”

“He wasn’t an ugly drunk.” Where did that come from? she wondered. “Anyway, I think you should try to replace some of the things that were broken.”

“Let him replace them,” Josh grumbled. “Or better still, maybe now we can have a normal Christmas tree.”

“I thought it was kind of unique,” Ellie admitted.

“Right. What about that one that played ‘Blue Christmas’ over and over again?”

“That one was a little hard to take.”

“It didn’t have an Off button,” Josh continued to rant. “What kind of manufacturer makes a musical ornament with no Off button.”

“An Elvis fan.”

“This is it,” Josh said, pointing to a modest apartment building on the left. “Want to come in and see my etchings?”

Ellie groaned. “Keep your etchings to yourself, thank you very much. But I will use your ladies’ room before I head back to Shelby’s.”

“Fine by me. But you enter at your own risk.”

“Lovely,” she mumbled as she cut the engine and got out of the car.

The snow had tapered to little more than flurries. Chad’s dream of sledding didn’t look too good as she followed Josh up the short walkway. She estimated there was less than an inch of total accumulation.

Josh unlocked the door to his ground-level apartment. Ellie immediately noticed two things. First, it was surprisingly neat, except for the clutter of holiday decorations waiting to be hung. Second, the whole place smelled of a rather sweet, almost feminine, floral air freshener.

“First door on the left,” he said as he tossed his coat over one of the boxes.

“I can’t believe you had the audacity to criticize Rose’s tree.”

Josh looked at her with surprise in his eyes. “What?”

“I assume these are for your tree?” She lifted the carefully wrapped strand of lights and allowed them to dangle in the air between them. “Chili-pepper lights?”

“I’ll have you know they are quite in vogue these days.”

“On a silver foil tree?” she asked, glancing at the partially assembled tree near a large window.

“I guess you’d rather have ode to Elvis?”

Ellie shook her head. “I’m a glass-ornament, colored-lights, strings-of-popcorn kind of girl.”

“How boring.”

“It’s better than silver foil,” she taunted as she headed toward the bathroom.

Foil was obviously a passion of Josh’s. The wallpaper in the small powder room was some sort of Grecian motif, a silver background with silhouettes of naked couples in black contrast. Ellie laughed softly. When she heard the thudding sound in the other room she instantly felt guilty. Obviously Josh had heard her snickering at his wallpaper and was letting her know it by banging around in the living room.

Ellie spent a few extra minutes fixing her hair, trying to think of something kind to say. After all, who was she to criticize this man’s decor. Even if it was a bit odd.

“Thanks,” she called as she walked down the hall. She was immediately struck by how cold it was in the apartment. Almost as cold as it was outside.

She walked toward Josh, who was seated on the sofa with his back to her, obviously pouting.

“I’m sorry I snickered at your tree and at your wallpaper,” she began as she continued to approach. She spoke louder to overcome the sound of an approaching emergency vehicle. “It really is a pretty tree and the chili peppers will—”

Ellie stopped in midsentence as she rounded the couch. Josh’s eyes were open wide, bulging. His face was a grotesque contortion, pasty white with blue, swollen lips. The strand of chili-pepper lights was wound tightly around his throat.

“That siren is the cops.”

Ellie let out a small, frightened noise and her eyes flew to the sound of the newly familiar male voice.

Jake Devereaux dangled in the window frame, one leg in and one leg out. “Unless you want to get caught here with the late Josh, I suggest you come with me.”

The sirens grew louder. “You killed him?” she breathed as her hand clamped over her mouth to stifle a scream.

“Of course I didn’t kill him,” Jake said calmly. “I was under the impression that you did.”

Dropping her hand, she yelled, “Me?” above the siren.

“I was just letting myself in when I heard you come down the hall.” His green eyes scanned the room. “I assume you’re the culprit. I don’t see any other suspects. Do you?”

“I didn’t kill anyone,” she told him.

“If you didn’t, and I didn’t, I suggest we get out of here before the cops arrive.” He held one gloved hand out to her.

“Leave with you?”

“That’s the idea. If you get moving now.”

“But shouldn’t we stay here and tell them—”

“What?” he interrupted impatiently. “That I was breaking in and found him dead? Or that you were the only one here when he died?”

The sirens came to a halt along with her heartbeat. “If we run, we look guilty.”

“Suit yourself.” He shrugged as he hoisted his leg up onto the windowsill. “But while you’re waiting to bare your soul, think about who might have called the cops.”

“What?”

“Someone called the cops. My guess is that whoever it was wanted them to find you alone with the stiff.”

“Oh, God,” she groaned.

“Last chance,” Jake said as he jumped onto the ground below.