C.J. Hill - Baby Dreams And Wedding Schemes

Sasha watched as he lovingly gazed at the miniature machines, reached out a tentative hand and then dropped it back by his side. His eyes were huge, round saucers as he studied the red locomotives sitting silent on the tracks she had tacked to a board late last night.

“Four,” he half whispered to himself, nodding. “Here’s the engine and the c’boose. This one is for carrying stuff.”

Sasha pondered his rapt expression as she lifted the jug of milk from the refrigerator and poured a glass for herself and one for the child. Cody seemed mesmerized by her newest project. Good. The boy’s interest boded well for her expansion plans.

Sasha grinned as she removed several of the biggest cookies from the nutcracker cookie jar on her counter and arranged them on a tray. As the eldest of six children, if there was one thing she had experience in, it was kids and what they liked. Sasha grimaced. She should know; she’d played both mother and father in her own family for years.

The fact that this child was a little different from any of the children she’d baby-sat through high school and college just meant she needed a break from work. To get back her perspective! she told herself.

“Let’s have our snack in the backyard,” she told him, pushing the screen door open with one hip as she carried out the tray. “Then we’ll talk about Henry.”

At the mention of that name, Cody’s round face fell and he followed her out the door onto a tiny patch of lawn. “Henry’s gone,” he muttered disconsolately. “I didn’t mean to hurt him. I just wanted to take him for a walk.”

Sasha’s motherly heart ached at the sadness in his tone. Poor little waif.

“I was ever so careful to lift him gently.”

“Well, it was a nice idea, Cody, but I don’t think goldfish go for walks. They like their bowls.”

He shook his head sadly. “Doesn’t matter,” he whispered. “Everything dies.” It was a solemn denunciation of his whole five-year-old world.

Sasha ruffled his hair gently, enjoying the feel of those silky strands against her palms.

“Who else died?” she asked, waiting for him to look at her.

He didn’t. Instead one grubby fist dashed away the tears before he picked up one of her cookies and started chewing. His voice was quiet when he spoke. “Rocket.”

“Who’s Rocket?”

“My dog, o’ course.” Cody peered up at her then, as if to assess her mental age. “He got hit by a car when I letted him out of the gate.” He sniffed sadly. “An’ George and Gertrude.”

Sasha frowned. His grandparents?

“How did they die?” she asked softly.

“Ate too much.” He picked up a second cookie while his other hand grasped the glass.

Sasha was mystified. “Ate too much?” She tried to play along. Maybe this having kids thing was harder than she thought. “But that wasn’t your fault. People feed themselves. Except for babies, of course. No one could blame you, Cody.”

He shook his head doubtfully. “I feeded them too much birdseed.” His mouth was stuffed full of cookie and Sasha wasn’t sure she heard him correctly.

“Birdseed?”

He nodded. “Uh-huh. And I didn’t keep their cage clean ’nuf, neither.” Sadly, he scuffed his toe on the grass. “Dad said you can’t be pushing stuff at canaries all the time. They like to be left alone. Gertrude stopped singing one day and then she got dead.”

A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth as Sasha realized her error.

“And is that all?” she asked, unable to resist brushing her hand over his darkly shining head once more.

“Nope.” He slurped down the rest of the milk and then leaned over to pick a dandelion.

“Who else?”

His brown eyes peered up into hers. “Shelley—that was my turtle. And Rolly.”

“Who’s Rolly?” She was almost afraid to hear the answer.

“Gerbil,” he told her succinctly. “Got out of the cage and Dad stepped on him. Axidennnally, o’ course.”

“Oh, of course.” Sasha smiled, watching the round face with a pang. He looked so forlorn as he recounted the death of all his little pets.

“Henry was ’sposed to be my last chance. Now he’s dead, too. Just like my mom.”

It came out of left field, knocking her back in her chair.

“Your mom,” she half whispered, shocked by his bald statement. “What happened to your mom?”

He sniffed loudly. “She got dead, too.” He bent his head, shifting away from her probing glance.

“Was she sick?” Sasha hated asking the questions but for some reason she just had to know how this little scrap of a child came to be without a mother.

“Uh-uh. Least, I don’t think so. She got dead from a guy.”

“Oh, Cody.” Her soft heart melted then and she cuddled the wiggling little sweat-scented body close to her abundant chest. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. A mommy’s an awful thing for a boy to lose.” -

He hugged her back tightly, sniffing at the threatening deluge of tears. When at last he pushed away, Sasha let him go with an empty ache in her heart and her arms.

“It’s okay,” he mumbled. “‘Sides, she’s in heaven now.” He cocked his head to one side. “Do you know, ’bout heaven?” he demanded, wiping one sleeve across his nose as he frowned up at her.

Sasha smiled. “Yes, I do. And I think your mom is very happy there.”

His big eyes studied her speculatively for a moment. “I guess.”

“But it still hurts, doesn’t it?” she guessed.

“Yeah.” He nodded glumly. “My mom used to laugh all the time. We had fun and we had lots of good times together. She always had surprises for me. Now we never have them. My dad doesn’t talk about her no more.”

“Why, Cody?” It was an invasion of privacy and under any other circumstances Sasha wouldn’t have probed, but there was something about Cody and his sad little face that tugged at her heartstrings, begged her to listen to his childish explanation.

“’Cause it’s my fault that she died and he don’t want people to blame me, I guess.”

“Oh, sweetheart, no. It isn’t your fault at all. It couldn’t be.” Sasha couldn’t bear to hear it. She gazed into those trusting brown eyes and the familiar ache for a child of her own welled once more.

Stop it, she ordered her brain. Think about this child for now.

He was watching her, waiting.

“Sometimes God just wants people to go and live with him, honey, and there’s nothing we did or can do that will stop that.” Sasha had no idea where the words came from but she was thankful Cody seemed to accept them.

His forehead wrinkled in a frown as he considered what she said, as if checking her sincerity. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely, positively, unfailingly, irrevocably, indubitably sure, Cody.”

“I dunno what all that stuff means,” he mumbled, his face tipped up so that she could see the light that gleamed in his eyes. “But if you’re sure that I didn’t do nuthin’ bad, I guess that’s okay.”

With lightning swift change he shifted the conversation mode. “Can I play with those trains?” His head jerked toward the doorway. “I never had no trains to play with before.”

Sasha smiled. She was a fool. With his track record in pet care, she shouldn’t let him anywhere near the display. Let alone touch it. Nevertheless, she heard herself agree.

“Yes, you can play with them if you treat them very carefully. They’re my special trains and they don’t like it if you’re rough with them. Okay?”

His eyes were as big as saucers at the prospect of handling the models. He nodded his agreement as she led him back inside. Together they maneuvered the huge board outside onto the lush green lawn. Sasha ran an extension cord and tested the entire mechanism.