Catherine Archer - Velvet Touch

But she sat as far from him as the narrow bench would allow, her hands clasped primly around the book in her lap.

“You must see,” he began without preamble, “that what the king has proposed wouldst be best for all, your family, your enemy the Welsh, and mayhap for yourself.”

“For me?” She looked to him in surprise. “Tell me then, Sir Knight, how I would benefit from this match with a man I have never so much as set eyes upon?”

He took a long time in answering and, when he did, his tone was deliberately frank. “Lady Fellis, I know of Lady Mary’s plans for your future. It has been made quite clear to me that taking holy orders was not of your choosing, but hers.” His expression took on a reasoning cast. “This is your opportunity to do otherwise. To have a husband and family of your own. Can you tell me that you have not even thought of the possibilities?”

She remained mute, wondering how he had read her secret desires so easily.

He continued, “You know, of course, that the union must be of your will, my lady. The church does not sanction the forcing of any bnde. I know not what the king would say of your refusal, but that would be your father’s concern, not yours. I only hope that you will make the right decision based on the responsibility of your position and the good you can do by it.”

She looked back at him, her smooth brow creasing as she understood the importance of her part in this for the first time. “I had not thought.”

“Tell me then,” he said, “if you truly feel you are called to become a nun, and I will not continue this effort.”

She could feel him willing her to look at him and could not prevent herself from doing so. No one had ever asked her before what she desired for herself and Fellis found that her dreams were so long buried that the words to tell of them were hard come by. Finally she shook her head, whispering, “Nay, ’tis not so set in my heart. But,” she said, and was gladdened to hear the rising strength in her tone, “’Tis not such a bad life that I dread it. To serve the Lord is a right and noble decision.”

“I cannot argue that,” he replied softly. “But there are various ways to serve the Lord. And, you, by agreeing to marry the Welshman could help to bring peace for many folk who have lived in strife.”

What answer could she give to this? He was right in that the Lord could be served in many ways. But was this way the right one for her?

It was too difficult to think clearly. All her life she’d known what was expected of her. The possibility of her future taking a completely unexpected turn was daunting. She could not so easily forgo her mother’s teachings.

Heaven help her, what could she do? And would agreeing to at least consider Sir Stephen’s suggestion be a betrayal in itself?

Something of her confusion must have communicated itself to Stephen, for he leaned closer and said gently, “Lady Fellis, do not think that you need feel bound to anything by simply agreeing to think on the matter. There is no need for me to even discuss our conversation with anyone else. You have harmed no one, broken no trust by deciding to reflect on the possibility of a marriage to Wynn ap Dafydd. Again I say that ultimately this choice will be yours.”

She raised her head, gazing out over the just awakening garden with its newly sprouted tender shoots and greening branches, but seeing none of it. Despite what he said to the contrary, talking like this with Stephen Clayburn felt like a betrayal of her mother’s trust.

But Sir Stephen was most convincing in his assurance that it was not.

Mayhap for the first time in her life, Fellis would have to decide what to do for herself. Though often desired, the prospect was now somewhat unnerving.

Slowly she nodded. “I will think on it.” And as the words were said, she felt a surge of self-assurance that she had never known before. “But hear me, I will not allow myself to be coerced into this marriage by you. It is clear to me that you have a stake in the outcome of this situation. And I have no wish to be swayed by that. Only if I can believe it will be best for my family and our folk will I agree to negotiate a possible marriage with this stranger.”

Stephen watched her for a long moment, his eyes taking on an openly admiring expression.

Fellis felt herself flush yet again, at his attention, though she knew it was truly madness to feel anything toward him. But that did nothing to quell the wild racing of her heart.

“Fair enough,” he answered, clearly unaware of her agitation. “I can ask for no more at this time.”

Over the course, of the next days, Fellis tried hard not to think too much on Stephen Clayburn and why he was there.

But ’twas nigh impossible.

Even Grandmother seemed to have nothing else to talk about.

This was evidenced by the fact that she had returned to the subject of the knight even now as Fellis helped her to eat her midday meal of bread softened in broth.

Her blue eyes studied her granddaughter over the bowl Fellis held in her hands. “You should not be here, child, but taking your meal in the hall with the others. I’m sure Sir Stephen would be glad of your company I do not believe either of your parents have put forth much effort to make him feel welcome here. And you need not avoid him simply because they do. The notion of your getting married is not without merit. Why must you dismiss the idea out of hand? As you have dismissed Sir Stephen simply because he carried the news.”

Fellis tried not to show how even the mere mention of his name made her heart flutter. She bent her attention to the broth, telling herself that it was not Stephen’s presence that so disturbed her, but his errand. No matter what Grandmother said, she could hardly think of the knight without thinking of the marriage.

Being no closer to deciding what she might do about going forward with the negotiations for the wedding, Fellis wished to avoid him, if for that reason alone. What should be done was still unclear to her.

Realizing she was taking too long to form a reply, she answered her grandmother carefully. “What would you have me do, Grandmother? I am at odds. You know that I only follow my parents’ wishes. I have been taught to accept the prospect of one future and know not how to even contemplate another.”

The older woman gave her a shrewd glance. “You follow your mother’s wishes, you mean.” She shook her head as Fellis opened her mouth to reply. “Nay, do not defend her. We both know that she has decided you will be the one to cleanse her guilt from her. She feels that it is her own fault that you were born with a twisted ankle, that I know. And I do have compassion for her. That is what has kept me silent all these years as I watched her groom you for a life of her choosing, not yours. But the time has come to speak out. There is no reason for guilt. You are a beautiful girl, kind of heart, intelligent and gentle of spirit. God has given you many gifts to make up for the one small fault. It is time your parents and you see that. Here Fellis is your opportunity to have a life of your own. Mayhap you should take it. In truth I would not have picked the Welshman for you. They have plagued us too long. But you might at least meet him and take his measure.”

Fellis could only stare as she realized that her grandmother was echoing some of the very things Sir Stephen had said to her. Something else Fellis realized she must consider was the possibility that the feuding might actually end if a marriage took place.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the elderly woman. “Now go.” Her grandmother waved a frail, blue-veined hand. “I am much improved and can feed myself. You have hardly left my side since I was moved to your chamber. I am of a mind to have a bit of peace from all this fussing.” The last was said with a teasing smile and Fellis knew the older lady was only jesting.