Louisa Heaton - A Father This Christmas?

And then he left, leaving her alone.

* * *

Eva stood gasping like a landed fish after he’d left the locker room. As the door slowly closed behind him she sank down onto the bench and let out a long, slow, breath.

Jacob knew. And it had been every bit as horrible as she’d feared.

She felt she should have told him when she’d had that moment in Resus. Perhaps it might have gone better? If she’d been honest with him when she’d had the chance? But, no, she hadn’t said anything. Instead, she’d sneaked away like a frightened mouse. And now look what had happened.

She’d wanted to tell him. She’d wanted to tell him ever since she’d discovered she was pregnant! But...

She hadn’t been able to find him. She’d blamed him for being untraceable.

She’d wanted Seb to have it all! A mother and a father. As she’d never had. She’d promised herself that whenever she had kids her children would have the firm foundation of a loving family. Of growing up surrounded by love and security.

When she’d realised she couldn’t trace Jacob she’d quickly accustomed herself to the idea of raising Seb alone. Of relying only on herself—the way she’d always done! Seb would be able to rely on her. She’d be the best mother she could be. Her child would have the certainty that she was there to stay and she would love him more than life itself. Do the job of both parents.

Her feelings for Jacob she could control. What had they been but fantasy? He was a man she’d been able to put on a pedestal because she hadn’t known him long enough to discover otherwise. Who knew what he was really like?

She could do this.

It would be easier now. They would be able to work together and she wouldn’t have to worry anymore about him finding out about Seb. The worst was over.

Wasn’t it?

She caught her own worried gaze in the mirror. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe Jacob would let Seb get to know him and then he’d disappear again? He had a temporary post here—perhaps he’d be a temporary father?

Eva got up and went over to the sinks to splash cold water on her face. She stared again at her reflection in the mirror, dabbing her skin dry with the paper towel.

‘Jeez...you really didn’t handle that very well at all,’ she told herself, trying out a tentative smile.

That was better. She needed to look human again before she went to collect Seb. She didn’t want him to notice she’d been crying. After today he needed to see his normal mum—the one in control. The one who soothed his brow when he was sick...the one who read to him at nights until he fell asleep. He’d need everything to be normal after the frightening start to his day in the minibus.

But I’m going to have to tell him about Jacob...

Exactly how did you tell a three-year-old about his father? Would he even be able to understand what she was telling him? Or would he accept it easily? In her experience her little boy was very adaptable. Maybe he’d take it in his stride?

She threw the paper towel into the bin and continued to look at herself in the mirror. She blinked quickly. The redness in her eyes was almost gone now. By the time she got out there to Seb she should look fine.

Eva opened the door.

Seb was still in his cubicle, but Jacob was with him, holding on to Seb’s little fingers as he spoke to him. Seb looked intrigued. So happy. She wondered what they were talking about. She watched them together. The way Jacob spoke, the way he laughed—he was so like Seb. And Seb looked so like his father, with his wavy dark hair and intense blue eyes. They were the spitting image of each other. He was so obviously Jacob’s little boy.

And I didn’t persevere in trying to find him. I should have! We could have had everything we ever wanted...

Yeah, right. As if that would ever have happened...

Seb spotted her and waved. ‘Can we go home now?’

Jacob didn’t smile at her.

‘Soon. We need to stay for a while so the doctors can keep an eye on you.’

‘Because I banged my head?’

‘That’s right.’ She glanced at Jacob.

He looked to his son. ‘You know what, Seb? I’m going to come round to your house tonight. Is that okay?’

Seb nodded emphatically. ‘Yes! You can tell me more about lions.’

He smiled. ‘I will. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.’

Eva stared at him hard, but he looked away from her and down to his son, ruffling his hair.

* * *

He’d kept them there as long as he could, but eventually Jacob had watched as his son and Eva left the department.

Hell of a first day!

He’d expected fireworks. He’d expected ups and downs. But not this. Never this!

Three years. He’d been a father for three years. Years that he’d spent in Africa, tending to the poorest and sickest of people, with almost no modern medical facilities. Watching people die needless deaths, getting depressed, drinking too much...

Thank goodness he’d stopped with the alcohol. That had been a stupid path to go down. But what with Michelle and The Wedding That Never Was, he’d felt entitled to a drink. And the drink had helped numb his thoughts. About Michelle. About Eva.

She’d been the last thing he’d expected at that party.

He’d gone there expecting to say goodbye to a couple of friends—people who had been there for him after Michelle, who had let him crash on their floors despite the stuff going on in their own lives—and there she’d been. Standing on the far side of the room, in a dress that hugged in all the right places. That flaming red hair had made her stand out in a room of mousy browns and she’d had the bluest eyes he’d ever seen, her lips curved in a half-smile.

Something about her had intrigued him.

Who was she? What was she doing there?

The very fact that he’d actually been thinking those questions had woken something in him. Something that he thought had died along with Michelle. And when he’d held her in his arms to dance, her soft curves moulded into his body, as if she’d been carved specifically for him, he’d turned to mush.

He’d wanted to kiss her. Had wanted to taste her. Possess her. All other thoughts—all the pain, all the grief, all the torment that he’d spent months trying to get rid of—had suddenly dissipated.

All there had been was Eva.

And she’d kept quiet. Not told him he was a father. Not tracked him down. If she had he could’ve been... He could’ve had...

He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

She was doing it again. Muddling his mind. What was it with women who did this?

He had to think clearly again. There was a reason he didn’t like to revisit his past.

Jacob strode back into the department and picked up a patient file. No matter what, life was now going to be different. He’d get to know Seb. Slowly. Not rush it. He’d get to know his son. Let Seb get to know him. Do I want to see my family again?

The last time had been on his wedding day. The day that Michelle had died. Almost five years ago.

Since then, he’d been running. Running from his family...running from those who said they loved him because he couldn’t cope with them. Couldn’t think about dealing with their pity and their sympathy and their sad looks, their supportive pats on his back. He’d not wanted to face any of that. Nor would they have wanted to give it if they knew the whole truth of what had happened that day...

But he could be different now. Couldn’t he? It wasn’t just him anymore—he wasn’t alone now. He had a son, and his son would need him. He refused to let Seb be without his father for a moment longer.