Lass Small - A Nuisance

Now, she had to’ve heard his Jeep. She had to’ve heard the Jeep door slam. She had to’ve heard his feet clunk on the back wood steps. And she had to’ve heard his knock on the loose, although hooked screen door. He knew it was hooked because it had not opened to his tug.

So he sat in the mist, on the steps, and waited. When the upstairs shower finally turned off, some time later, he swung his fist around and really rattled that door.

After a time, he repeated the rattle.

She came to the kitchen door that led onto the screened porch. She was dressed in a bathrobe that buttoned under her chin, and said, “Some problem with your Jeep?”

Still sitting on her back steps, he replied, “You got inside before I knew nobody had accosted you. How’d I know the sound of the shower wasn’t a cover-up of a ravishing?”

In a dead voice with no emphasis at all , she replied, “Glory be.”

“You’re not only cold, you’re mouthy.”

“Yeah.”

He said grudgingly, “Thank you for the protection you gave me tonight at the Overmanns’.” The words were wooden, but along with an eye-rolling sigh, his mother would’ve been proud of him.

But that nasty, mostly blond redhead said with greatly exaggerated candor, “What was threatening you out at the Overmanns’? On the way here? How did I help you? You’re allergic to water...the rain? Why don’t you get back in your Jeep and get out of the rain?”

He gave her a slow turning of his head and a withering look that should have shriveled her. It did not. Then he rose and stretched his tired muscles. He breathed the misting air before he took his own sweet time going back to the Jeep and leaving her standing there, in her doorway, watching after him.

But as he was slowly backing down her driveway, he heard her phone ringing.

Some poor dolt was trying for her. Stupid guy. It never entered Stefan’s mind that the caller might be female. He only thought of some guy talking in her ear in a low and intimate way and...trying.

Sourly, he drove on to his car lot. He went around, being sure it was all secure...followed by the patient security guard, Tad.

Tad said, “Mac was here. He thinks you’re avoiding him. That you won’t face your responsibilities.”

“Do you know how long he’s had that Jeep? He got it at a post World War II government auction.”

“He says it was here.”

“I wasn’t alive then. This was grazing land at that time. I don’t sell used Jeeps. Nobody gives them up.”

“He’s allowing you that privilege.”

“Tad. This has not been a good day. Kirt bought two Jeeps and got away with them before Manny or I could go over them with him. Do you realize how many times I’m gonna have to go out yonder to his place...just before supper?”

Tad smiled.

“Tad...would you go th —”

“I’m tagged. Eula wouldn’t allow me to set foot on Kirt’s property. She’s a hellcat.” His voice was benign and a bit smug.

Stefan gave him a slow and deadly look. “I hate a bragging man.”

“You need a permanent woman. She’ll be nice to you. She’ll guard you from other women. You can tell her now isn’t the best time to get it legal.”

“You’re smarter’n me.” Stefan looked glumly out over the darkening night fall over the TEXAS land. The rain was a benediction. How could he be so glum? At his age and circumstance, he should be carefree and jubilant. He ought to be able to peel off those coveralls and go out and romp in the gentle rain, glorying in being alive and free.

Everywhere he looked, there were traps.

Stefan turned away from his night watchman, Tad. He walked toward his Jeep. He was ready to leave his car lot and said his usual comment, “Watch.”

So his night watchman replied with great patience, “Hell, man, I do. That’s why you hired me. Me and Tom are good watchers.”

Stefan frowned at the placid dog. “I knew of a watchdog in Florida who did only that. He would watch as the whole kaboodle was stolen.”

“You’re offending him.” Tad indicated his alert dog.

Stefan placated, “Naw. Saying ‘watch’ is just automatic. My mother still tells me to ‘be careful’ every time I leave their house, after visiting.”

“Mine just says ‘behave.’ I wonder who’s spilling her guts to my momma.”

“Nobody. Mothers set traps.”

“Yeah.” After a thoughtful silence, Tad inquired, “If your mother says that, what’s your dad say?”

Stefan gestured to indicate grand wisdom. “He said that to deal with a Polish man, American women need only two sayings in Polish.”

“What’s that?” Tad looked interested.

“ Idz do piekla and jacie kocham. “

“What’s that mean?”

“‘Go to hell’ and ‘I love you.’ Those two sayings will cover any situation. In conversation, a woman needs only to listen.”

Tad laughed.

Stefan again started for his Jeep. “Watch.”

“Hell, man, we just went through all that.”

“Yeah.” And Stefan finally left.

As he drove along, he studied his restlessness. Why? Well, it seemed to him that a whole lot of nothings got in the way of his life.

Look at Kirt fooling with the innards of a new car because he had three marriageable daughters. Or his own mother’s anxiety over his single life. There was that stupid, old man, Mac, claiming Stefan was responsible for an antique government-issue Jeep finally groaning with age. And then there was the damned woman with the blond-red hair who was so cool and collected...but not by him.

Now why had he thought of Carrie as a problem of his? He’d discarded her three months ago. She was a holdout and pigheaded and impossible.

Impossible was sure true. Any woman who’d kiss like that, and then say no, was mean! Think what a woman like that would do with little kids! She’d rule with an iron hand. “Eat that spinach!” “It’s bedtime. You get yourself right upstairs. This is the last time I’m telling you!” “You play hookey and I’ll blister you!” She’d be relentless.

She’d probably want more Polish words than just “go to hell.” She’d tongue-lash a good man.

But then he began a dreamy vision of her tongue-lashing him, here and there, and he lost all his hostility. He’d be putty in her seeking hands. She’d turn him into a slave. He’d starve, waiting for her attentions.

It was just a good thing he’d wiped her from his mind and excluded her from his life.

* * *

On the other side of Blink, out where Stefan lived, there were no sidewalks. There were wire fences along the road. And the county didn’t mow the sides of the road, so the weeds were high outside the fence. His “yard” was somewhat mowed, but there was no trimming done. It was all pretty weedy and loose. Casual? It suited Stefan.

However, the house was plumb and painted, and so was the garage and shed in back of it. There was also a neat outhouse, just in case. Across the back of the house was a great, open screened porch, a lot like the ones other people had.

Inside, the furnishings were family castoffs. He did have a new bed, a good refrigerator, stove and a dishwasher. He did not wash dishes by hand.

He looked over the place and it was his.

When he got out of his car, the phone rang. That surprised him. It was almost ten, and people went to bed early in Blink. He went into the unlocked house and picked up the receiver with some curiosity.

Her tongue said, “You got home okay?”

He took a satisfied breath and began to sit down to talk as he said, “Yeah.”

But the witch hung up.

Why the hell had she called? She was paying him back for him making sure she’d gone into the house safely?