Lori Wilde - Gotta Have It

He’d been the dead opposite of a knight in shining armor on a white charger.

In her daydreams, she longed for him to fulfill the promise inherent in his smile, but in reality, she’d sent him away without crossing that dangerous line. She had not acted on her impulses.

Thank God.

It was the smartest thing she’d ever done.

Or at least that was what she kept telling herself.

“This is the first time you’ve even hinted that you have secret sex dreams,” Tess said. “You’ve been holding out. Fill me in, woman.”

“It’s silly. Illogical. And I should know better.” Abby toed the dirt, staining her pristine white slipper with rich red Arizona soil. She knew she was ruining the shoes, but at this point, who cared?

“Abby, everyone has sex fantasies. It’s normal. Honestly, I was beginning to think you were some kind of freak. It heartens me to hear you have a dream lover.”

“Normal? For ten years? Even when you have a fiancé? It doesn’t seem normal to me. I shouldn’t have been fantasizing about anyone but Ken.”

“If you had been fantasizing about Ken, you would be sitting here bawling your eyes out, brokenhearted over getting dumped.”

“Maybe if I had been fantasizing about my nice safe Ken, instead of some dangerous, long-ago hell-raiser, I wouldn’t have gotten dumped.”

“Omigod.” Tess clapped her hands with sudden glee. “Your midnight man is Durango Creed!”

“No, he’s not,” Abby lied quickly, and immediately had to raise her hanky to her nose to stay a sneeze.

“If your fantasy lover isn’t Durango, then how come you’re sneezing?”

“Because I have allergies.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Whenever you deny your passion, you start sneezing.”

“No, I do not,” Abby refuted her claim and promptly sneezed again.

“See what I mean? If you don’t stop lying about your desires, you’re gonna go into anaphylactic shock. Besides, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, half the women in Phoenix had a jones for Durango.”

“Precisely why I didn’t…I don’t have a thing for him.” Abby sneezed a third time.

“Me thinks thou doth sneeze too much.”

“Okay, all right. I did have a crush on him,” Abby grumbled.

“Now was that so hard to confess?”

Yes. But at least she didn’t sneeze again.

“Well, it really doesn’t matter. I’m sure Durango Creed hates my guts. I was such a bitch to him.”

“Oh please, you’ve never been a bitch to anyone.”

“I refused to trust in him. I told him I couldn’t have a future with a common criminal.” Even now the memory of the harsh words she’d been forced to say made her cringe with regret.

“You did it to protect yourself. What else could you do? And I’m sure he’s gotten over you rejecting him by now. What was he thinking anyway? Giving you an ultimatum, expecting you to choose between him and your life in Silverton Heights?”

“He was hurt and confused. It was a real blow when his father remarried a woman half his age only four months after Durango’s mother died. And then for his dad to take his new wife’s side against his own son…” Abby let her sentence trail off.

“And it probably didn’t help matters any when your dad had Durango thrown in the slammer for a week for vandalizing his stepmother’s warehouse.”

Abby shook her head. It had been a rough time in her life.

Yeah, and it was even rougher for Durango.

“Can we just drop this conversation, please?” she asked.

“Aw, just when I finally got your number? No wonder you’re glad Ken ran off with Racy Racine. You’re still in love with Durango.”

“I was never in love with him,” Abby denied, but her heart skipped a beat at her denunciation. “It was all teenage angst and hormones.”

“Okay, then you’re hot for him because he’s the one you let get away.”

“I’m not hot for him, dammit. It’s just a stupid fantasy.”

“Ooh, watch out,” Tess teased. “Or you’ll start sneezing again. Sure you don’t want a shot of tequila?”

“Liquor is not the answer.”

“Then what is?”

Abby doubled her arms across her chest. “I don’t know.”

“I do.”

She shot Tess a sideways glance. “Well?”

“You gotta get it out of your system.”

“Get what out of my system?”

“Durango.”

Abby snorted. “Please.”

“I’m serious. When he left town, you were left wondering what it would have been like if you two had hooked up. And you’re probably still feeling guilty for hurting him the way you did, even though we both know you had no real choice.”

“I couldn’t have gone with him, Tess. I was only seventeen and my father was livid.”

“I agree completely, but you’ve apparently spent the last ten years spinning this mental fantasy about him that no guy would be able to live up to, especially someone as dull as Ken. Ideally, the best way to exorcise the Durango demon would be to find the delectable Mr. Creed and screw his brains out.”

“He’s probably happily married with a backyard full of cute kids who possess those same mesmerizing dark eyes.”

“No he’s not.”

Abby frowned and her pulse quickened. “How do you know that?”

“I saw an article on him in Arizona magazine a couple of months back. He’s doing some kind of Outward Bound charity work for disaffected youths, and the reporter made a point of saying he was a very eligible bachelor.”

Abby covered her ears with her hands. She didn’t want to hear any more. “Let’s not talk about him.”

“Okay, forget Durango. Then go find a surrogate and screw his brains out instead. Any wild, black-sheep bad boy should do the trick.”

Abby’s heart hitched.

Tess’s wacky solution actually made some sense. She was concerned about these incessant midnight fantasies she couldn’t seem to shake. Obsessive fantasies that bothered her far more than she cared to admit.

She didn’t want to feel this way. She wanted to free her mind of Durango so that the next time she found a stable, calm, sensible man she could give herself to him heart, mind and soul, the way she hadn’t been able to give herself to Ken.

“I’m just not gutsy enough for a rowdy fling. You know me, Tess. I have to do a thorough consumer investigation before I change toothpastes. Can you actually see me hopping into bed with the first good-looking guy who nods my way?”

“Uh-oh,” Tess warned. “Speaking of bed hopping, here comes Cassandra.”

Abby sighed and watched her mother, who was wearing a skintight miniskirt and three-inch heels, take mincing steps across the playground toward them, a glass of champagne clutched in one hand, a skinny dark brown clove cigarette in the other.

“Well, at least she’s minus the boy toy,” Tess observed.

“Thank God for small favors.”

“You know what?” Tess said, springing up off the swing as Abby’s mother drew closer. “I think I’m going to call your travel agent about cashing in your honeymoon tickets to Aruba. We could take off tonight on an exciting adventure. Vegas, New Orleans, Miami. Let’s cut loose. Whaddaya say?”

“I’d say you’re just running off so you won’t have to talk to Cassandra,” Abby accused.

“Well, there is that.” Tess grinned. “Want me to leave the tequila? You might need it.”

“She’d probably just drink the entire thing.”

“Good point.” Tess tucked the bottle under her arm. “The tequila stays with me.”

Tess and Cassandra gave each other fake smiles as they passed. For some reason her best friend and her mother rubbed each other the wrong way. Abby had never said anything to either one of them, but she’d always figured their animosity toward each other stemmed from the fact that they were two peas in a pod, both of them flamboyant, impulsive and audacious.