Louisa George - A Baby on Her Christmas List

Hey, there, little one. Nice to meet you.

And that was about all she dared say. She felt something tug deep inside her. These days she seemed to be so emotional about things. About the baby. About Liam …

Well, if he wasn’t going to make an effort then she damn well would. She wanted to celebrate and send him off on his travels with no tension between them. Georgie stabbed his number into the phone and left a message: ‘Hey, step away from your backpack. Let’s do something. I won’t take no for an answer. I get the feeling you’re avoiding me. But if you are, please don’t admit it. Just say you’ve been busy. Mission Bay? Six-thirty. I’m hiring bikes. No excuses.’

‘Are you bonkers or just straight up certifiable?’ Three hours later his voice, behind her, although irritated and loud, made her heart jig in her chest. He’d turned up at least, and for that she was grateful. ‘Cycling? In your condition? Seriously?’

‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, I’m fine. How many times have we done this?’ She turned and pretended to scowl, but her scowl dropped the moment she set eyes on him. He was wearing a scruffy old T-shirt that hugged his toned muscles and was the same vibrant blue as his eyes. Faded jeans graced his long legs, framing his bum … and, no, she’d never really studied it before, but it was deliciously gorgeous. No wonder he had a queue of women trying to encourage him to commit.

Heat hit her cheeks and shimmied down to her belly, where it transformed into What would he be like in bea ?

And that was just one of too many thoughts about him recently that were way out of line.

To distract herself from staring too long at the man who had suddenly become a whole new fascination for her, she clipped on her helmet and prepared to use up some of this nervous energy. Pregnant, yes. Petrified, indeedy. Strangely excited just to see her long-lost best mate? Very definitely. And that made her legs twitch and her stomach roll.

‘I needed some fresh air. It’s such a beautiful evening and it’s the weekend tomorrow. Freedom! We could get fish and chips and eat them on the beach later.’

He frowned and pointed to her helmet. ‘Take it off, Georgie. It’s too dangerous. We haven’t been cycling for years, you could fall off. Why you suddenly want to do it now I don’t know.’

‘Because it used to be fun and I don’t know why we got out of the habit of doing it. I want the fun back.’ She shook her head in defiance. ‘And stop being ridiculous. You’re a doctor, you know very well that at this stage in pregnancy it’s perfectly fine to exercise. Come on, I’ll be fine, it’s not as if I’m bungee jumping. Although, there is a free slot at the Skytower at eight. So if we hurry …’ She handed him his helmet and stood, arms crossed over her chest, until he’d put it on over that grumpy face. ‘Breathe, Liam. Breathe. It was a joke. And do try to keep up!’

The sea air was filled with salt and heat and the smell of a distant barbecue. Overhead, seagulls dived and squawked, making the most of a bright summer evening’s scavenging. Mission Bay was, as always, filled with smiling people, cycling, blading or running along the seaside promenade. On the right, beyond small beach inlets and a turquoise sea dotted with anchored yachts, the mighty volcanic Rangitoto Island stood verdant and powerful. On the left they cycled past coastal suburbia, higgledy-piggledy candy-coloured houses clinging to the steep hillside.

Georgie pedalled hard, keeping him in her slipstream, ignoring his concerned cries. She could do this. She needed to do this to show him—and herself—that she was still the same old Georgie. And if she could also purge those weird fluttery feelings that seemed to happen whenever she saw him, that would be even better. Because this new Georgie who kept popping up with hot thoughts about Liam was unsettling in the extreme.

Usually he raced ahead, screaming over his shoulder for her to go faster, but today he seemed happy to pootle behind. She had the distinct feeling that, in his own way, he was keeping watch over her.

After a few kilometres, pedalling towards towering city skyscrapers, she turned and cycled back to the row of Victorian buildings flanking a children’s playground and large fountain. Toddlers kicked and splashed in the spraying water, watched over by attentive parents.

Georgie braked, imagining being here some time in the future, showing her little one the exciting new world. Making everything a game, lining up her pram with the others, chatting to parents about nappy changing, bedtimes and the terrible twos. Her heart zinged. It seemed that, despite all her best efforts, she was starting to see everything through a different, pregnancy-coloured lens. With a heavy heart she glanced at the young dads splashing around and on the reserve, throwing balls to their sons, cheering, encouraging and, most of all, laughing.

Liam had been definite in his refusal to be a father. She understood that some people didn’t have the need for kids in their lives, but that didn’t mean she liked the idea. How could someone not want to know their own flesh and blood? It had been a question burning through her for her whole life. How could you just walk away and not want to be found, not want to make contact? What the hell ever happened to unconditional love?

It went against everything she knew about him. He was gregarious, funny, and cared deeply about the people he helped. But if he really meant he wasn’t going to be involved she’d have to be Mum and Dad to her child. After all, in the children’s home where she’d eventually settled, one parent was always better than none at all.

As Liam approached she flicked the bike into gear and cycled on to a small caravan advertising fish and chips and ice-cold drinks. ‘Usual? Snapper?’

‘Of course. And a large portion of chips. Tomato sauce …’ He grinned, pointing to a can of cola. ‘And all the trimmings.’

‘I don’t know where you put it all.’ His belly was hard and taut. Body lean. Again with the full-on flush as she looked at him, this was becoming an uncomfortable habit. ‘If I ate half of what you ate I’d be the side of a house.’

‘You can’t exactly worry about putting on weight now, can you?’ He laughed and gave her a look she couldn’t quite decipher.

Having returned their bikes to the hire shop, they walked in step down to the beach and found a spot on the sand in the warm, soothing last rays of the day. Liam sat beside her and they ate out of the paper in companionable silence, pausing every now and then to comment on the food. The fish was divine, as always, the chips hot and salty, the cola too cold and too fizzy. Everything seemed exactly the same as it always was, except that it wasn’t. She didn’t know how to begin to have any kind of conversation that referred to being pregnant without causing another rift between them.

In the end she decided that rather than going over and over things in her head she was just going to say what was bothering her. She waited until he met her eyes. ‘I wanted to say thank you, thank you, thank you for what you did.’

‘It’s fine. Honestly. Congratulations. You must be pleased.’ He didn’t look fine, he looked troubled as he leaned in and kissed her cheek, long eyelashes grazing her skin. ‘You’re looking good. Feeling okay so far?’

‘Feeling a little numb all round, to be honest. It’s real and happening and I can’t quite believe it. I’m so lucky for it to have worked first time round. But it does happen.’ She ran her palm across her tender breasts. ‘No morning sickness yet, but my boobs are pretty sore.’

‘Yeah. It happens. Wait till the varicose veins and heartburn kick in then you’ll really be rocking.’ He gave her a small smile, smoothing the tiny lines around his eyes, and for a second she was ten years younger, meeting him for the first time. All über-confident medical student who had been knocked sideways by the tiniest of beings—so small she’d fitted almost into the palm of his hand. Never had Georgie seen anyone look so frightened by something so frail, the cheery self-assurance whipped from him as if he’d been sucker-punched.