SARA WOOD - Amber's Wedding

‘Me,’ he agreed implacably. ‘We have to talk, Amber.’

‘Talk?’ she repeated weakly. That was the last thing she was expecting. The crippling weight of nausea and depression flowed through her. ‘I can’t face anything or anyone right now, Jake!’ she muttered, hating herself for sounding so pathetic. But she knew that she was about to snap and wanted to be on her own when it happened. ‘Give me ten minutes. I must be alone.’

‘This can’t wait,’ he insisted. His eyes glittered beneath the thick fringe of black lashes. ‘Bear with me, Amber. I need to know why you ran away from me just now and why you’re so miserable. You seemed perfectly all right until you heard that Leo was leaving—and then you went to pieces. What am I to make of that?’

Amber strolled around the bed, hoping that she looked nonchalant, hoping that she could reach the door and make a graceful exit. And then, she thought, with a flash of her old humour, she’d be able to wail and gnash her teeth and shake as much as she wanted!

‘It wasn’t anything to do with him. If you must know, I ran off because I felt sick. I was scared of throwing up all over your DJ,’ she answered, deciding to be blunt. That might curb any lurking passion! she thought waspishly.

Frowning, he slid his feet to the floor and stood up. ‘When you came back to Castlestowe on the couple of occasions you were on leave from Africa...did you and Leo meet?’ he asked quietly.

‘Of course!’

‘I presume your reunions were...affectionate? You were delighted to see him. You flung yourself into his arms.’

She shifted uncomfortably. ‘Yes. Why not?’ To her surprise, he winced. Hastily she sought to reassure him. ‘I’ve told you, we’re childhood friends. But I—I was going around with Enzo at the time, remember?’ she reminded him, seeing where this was leading.

‘Nevertheless, your emotions were in a turmoil,’ he persisted soberly. ‘When you came home each time, you felt exhausted and in need of a friend’s loving warmth. You needed someone to soothe you, to help you forget the pain and suffering you’d left behind, because the mind can only take so much, can’t it?’

‘Yes! But—’

‘If I recall, Leo was in need of love too.’ Oddly, it sounded as though Jake was forcing himself to talk about her relationship with Leo. Judging by the pinched expression on his face, it wasn’t something he relished. ‘You told me,’ he went on gruffly, ‘that he and Ginny had been divorced and he was deeply unhappy.’

Her eyes darkened. ‘You’re implying I gave him sexual comfort!’

Amber gazed at him in open-mouthed astonishment. She was about to launch into a furious defence of herself when he sucked in a sharp breath and transfixed her with a lethal stare.

‘What I have to know is this,’ he growled, his voice shaking. ‘Is there the remotest chance that your child might be Leo’s?’

Shocked into silence for a moment, she struggled to find her voice. ‘No!’ she cried in horror. ‘How dare you? He loves Ginny. He always has, always will—’

‘You are sure?’ he demanded, his muscles tense with anticipation. ‘Absolutely, totally sure?’

‘I swear on my mother’s memory!’ she said fervently.

Jake’s raised shoulders relaxed and he let out all the air in his lungs as if he’d stored up doubts and uncertainties for a long and stressful time. The lines eased out of his face till he looked like the friendly Jake she knew and liked.

‘Thank you,’ he breathed. ‘Forgive me if I’ve offended you, but I had to ask.’

‘I’m puzzled,’ she said slowly. ‘Why don’t you mind Enzo being the father of my child but dread the thought of it being Leo?’

He frowned and lowered his head. ‘Enzo wouldn’t jeopardise his marriage by putting in a claim to your child,’ he said to his feet. ‘Leo might have done if he’d been the father.’

‘That matters?’

Slowly his head lifted till his veiled eyes met hers. ‘I intend to commit myself to you and your child. I wouldn’t want a legal battle for possession. I’m relieved it’s Enzo who’s the father.’ His normally confident voice sounded shaky. ‘Other than us, only your boss, Mary Smith of Unite, knows the truth. I want it to stay that way. No one must ever discover that I haven’t fathered your child.’

She didn’t reply immediately. Her eyes searched his face while she tried to work out why he should be so anxious. ‘Why not?’

He hesitated. ‘Pride,’ he said after a while. ‘I don’t want to be seen as a cuckolded fool.’

Somehow she felt that that wasn’t the right reason. It was so unlike him to put the opinion of others before what was right. ‘A child should know its biological parents,’ she said gently. ‘Always. My child must be told about its father as soon as he or she can understand—’

‘No!’ he said emphatically, closing the space between them with rapid strides. ‘Because of the unusual circumstances of our marriage, we have to give your child our love and a stable background. Maybe we’ll never tell him or her the truth. Or we might decide it’s appropriate in ten, twelve years or so—’

‘Ten years?’ She looked at him doubtfully. ‘I don’t know, Jake. It’s such a big thing for me to decide now, when I’m muddled and unsettled.’

‘Then I’ll make it easier for you,’ he said flatly. ‘Agree that we postpone any decision to tell your child about Enzo for at least ten years and I will stay with you. Disagree and I leave you—now. So you can damn well think on your feet, Amber!’

She would have done, if her legs hadn’t been giving up on her. It worried her that she might feel this feeble for the next month or so of her pregnancy.

His eyes burned into hers. Against her will she felt a sweep of helpless surrender. It had been like that when Jake had coaxed her into accepting his proposal. She’d been powerless then because her shock at Enzo’s betrayal had left her limp and defenceless. For the first time in her life she hadn’t cared what happened to her, and had been indifferent to the way that Jake had been taking over her life. He was doing so again.

‘I suppose,’ she said, struggling to think rationally, ‘you’re right about making my child feel secure first but—

‘No buts. Promise,’ he insisted. ‘OK. You asked for this. I didn’t want to spell it out, but you have to think of the consequences, Amber! Your child would need to be older than you think to cope with the news that you had an adulterous affair.’

‘Jake!’ she protested.

His eyes flickered at her involuntary gasp of anguish. And suddenly his tone gentled to a soft huskiness which carried a wealth of heart-warming tenderness in it. ‘I’m trying to get you to see what it would feel like, both for you and your child.’ He paused, his eyes full of compassion. ‘Imagine that you yourself discovered that, oh, for instance neither of your parents have any blood ties to you.’

‘Awful!’ she acknowledged fervently.

‘Worse, you heard that your biological father was a liar, a cheat and an adulterer who didn’t think twice about breaking his marriage vows.’

She gave a little shudder of distaste, dreading the moment when her child learnt about its father. ‘I take your point. If that happened to me, I’d go to pieces!’

His eyes flickered with pity. ‘Yes. You might...unless you had a lot of support to cope with the revelation. You’d feel hurt and bewildered.’ He adopted a casual tone, but she couldn’t help noticing that he kept fiddling with his cuffs. That wasn’t like him. Just as she was about to probe his feelings he said with a rather unnatural lightness, ‘And you’d feel shame? Hatred, maybe?’