Ian Douglas - The Complete Legacy Trilogy - Star Corps, Battlespace, Star Marines

“Well, if anybody can do it, you can,” he replied. He checked his inner timer. “I guess we’d better be moving.”

“Unless we want to be listed as AWOL, yeah,” she told him. She stroked his arm gently. “It’s been good, being with you like this. Thanks.”

“Real good. I’m … going to miss you.” He shook his head as she rolled out of the bed.

The walls and ceiling of the room showed a view of space—Earth, moon, sun, and thick-scattered stars, slowly circling. The view was an illusion, of course; for one thing, even in space the stars weren’t that bright when the sun was visible.

“I’ll miss you too,” Lynnley said.

“I still don’t want to believe we can’t see each other again. Maybe ever.”

“Don’t say that, John! We don’t know what’s going to happen!”

“Sure we do! I’m on my way to Ishtar, and you’re going to Sirius. I checked a star map download. We’ll be farther away from one another than if one of us stayed on Earth!”

She shrugged. “That doesn’t make any difference, does it? Even one light-year is too far to think about.”

“Well, you know what I mean. We’re going in two different directions. And I’d hoped we’d get deployed together.”

“Damn it, we both know how unrealistic that idea was, John. The needs of the Corps—”

“Come first. I know. But I don’t have to like it.” He balled his fists, squeezing tight. “Shit.” He got out of the bed and began picking up his clothes. He and Lynnley had been fuck buddies off and on for a couple of years now … nothing serious, but she was fun to be with and therapeutic to vent at and fantastic recreation in bed. He’d thought of her as his closest friend and somehow never even considered the possibility that they would end up in different duty stations.

“Simulation off!” he called, addressing the room. The view of space vanished, replaced by empty walls that seemed to echo his loneliness.

“Look,” she told him, “we’re both getting star duty, right? And we’re both going about eight light-years. There’s still a good chance we’ll be tracking each other subjectively when we get back.”

“I guess so.” She meant that their subjective times ought to match pretty closely. Since they were both heading eight light-years out, they’d be spending about the same times at the same percentage of c and aging at about the same subjective rate.

But he didn’t believe it. Things never worked out that neatly in real life, especially where the Corps was concerned. If he ever saw her again, one of them might well be years older than the other.

He sighed as he started pulling on his uniform. How much did that matter, really? They both knew they would be taking other sex partners. With the future so uncertain, there was no sense in meaningless promises to wait for one another. It wasn’t like they shared a long-term contract.

“I think,” he said slowly, sealing the front of his khaki shirt, “I’m just feeling a bit cut off. Like I’ll never be able to come home again.”

“I know. Everything, everyone , we leave here is going to be twenty years older when we see them again. At least. My parents aren’t happy about it, but at least they understand. And they’ll only be in their sixties when I get back.”

“I just don’t understand my mother,” he said. “ How can she consider going back to that … man?”

“Like I told you once before, you can’t protect her. You can’t live her life. She has to make her own decisions.”

“But I keep wondering if she’s going back to him because of me. Because I’m going to Ishtar.”

“That’s still her issue, right? You have to do what’s right for you .”

“But I don’t know what that is. Not anymore. And I feel … guilty. She wasn’t happy when I saw her yesterday. About my going to Ishtar, I mean.”

“I think you’re giving yourself a lot more power over your mother than you really have. You’ve been around before when she’s left, and she’s always gone back, right? What made you think this time would be any different?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. You ready?”

Dressed now in her khakis, she pulled on her uniform cap and tugged it straight. “Ready and all systems go,” she told him. “You feel ready for lunch?”

He brightened, with an effort. “You bet.” If they only had a few more hours together, he was determined to enjoy them, instead of brooding about the might-have-beens and the never-would-bes.

They left the room, stepping out onto the hotel concourse. Pacifica was a small city erected on pylons off the southern California coast, halfway between San Diego and San Clemente Island, a high-tech enclave devoted to shopping, restaurants, and myriad exotica of entertainment. Two days after their graduation from boot camp, they were in the middle of a glorious seventy-two—three whole, blessed days of liberty. They’d already been to the Europa Diver, paying two newdollars apiece to take turns steering a submarine through the deep, dark mystery of Europa’s world-ocean, all simulated, of course, to avoid the speed-of-light time lag. After that they’d checked into the pay-by-hour room suite and entertained themselves with one another.

Now it was time to find a place to eat. The restaurant concourse was that way, toward the mall shops and the sub-O landing port. White-metal arches reached high overhead, admitting a wash of UV-filtered sunlight and the embrace of a gentle blue sky.

In another forty-eight hours he would be vaulting into that sky, on his way to the Derna at L-4.

And after that …

“What do you do,” he wondered aloud, “when you know you’re not going to see Earth again for twenty years?”

“You are gloomy today, aren’t you? We won’t—”

“I know, I know,” he interrupted her. “Our subjective time will only be four years or so, depending on how long we’re on Ishtar … and most of that time we’ll be asleep. From our point of view, we could be right back here a few months from now. But all of this …” He waved his hand, taking in the sweep of the Pacifica concourse. “All of this will be twenty years older or more.”

“Pacifica’s been here for forty-something years already. Why wouldn’t it be here in another twenty?”

“It’s not Pacifica. You know what I mean. All of these people … it’s like we won’t fit in anymore.”

“Take a look at yourself, John. We’re Marines. We don’t fit in now .”

Her words, lightly spoken, startled him. She was right. In all that crowded concourse, Garroway could see three others in Marine uniforms, and a couple of Navy men in black. The rest, whether in casual dress, business suits, or nude, were civilians.

Their uniforms set them apart, of course, but he also knew it was more than the uniform.

And now he knew what was bothering him.

It was as though he’d already left on his twenty-year deployment, as if he no longer belonged to the Earth.

It was a strange and lonely feeling.

Hab 3, Deck 1, IST Derna

Orbital Construction Facility 1, L-4

1240 hours Zulu

Keep thinking about the money, she told herself with grim determination. Keep thinking about the money … and the papers you’re going to publish … and winning the chair of the American Xenocultural Foundation. …

Traci Hanson lay halfway out of the hot and claustrophobic embrace of her hab cell, flat on her back on the sleep pad, eyes tightly shut as the technicians on either side of her made the final connections. She hated the prodding, the handling, as if she were a naked slab of meat.

Which, of course, in a technical sense she was. The idea was to preserve her for the next ten years, to feed and water her while her implants slowed her brain activity to something just this side of death.