Emilie Richards - The Swallow's Nest

“You could, you know,” he prompted, “move in with me.”

She smiled in answer. Did she love him? Of course not, and besides, what did love have to do with it? But money and security? Those were different matters. She liked him. Wasn’t that a good enough start?

“I would like to live here with you,” she said, feeling her way. “But I really can’t afford to, Blake. I’d still have all my expenses and a longer commute. And with my hectic work schedule, we wouldn’t see that much of each other, anyway. But when I’m free, I hope we’ll get together.”

“I like having you right here.”

“And I like being here.” She set down her coffee and held out her arms, letting the sheet drift to her waist. He might be dressed already, but they could fix that. Blake was past fifty, but his libido hadn’t suffered. He was an enthusiastic lover and surprisingly intent on making sure she found as much pleasure as he did.

And every time, he seemed to get his way.

“One for the road?” She winked at him.

“You could be the death of me.”

She pulled him closer. “Oh, I don’t think so, but what a way to go.”

8

Feathering your nest with imagination and love

MARCH 10TH:

I’m home in Kauai after an unexpected challenge in my life. Your patience during my absence means everything to me.

Aloha, Lilia

In the days since she’d left California, Lilia hadn’t answered any communication from Graham, or Carrick, either. Carrick probably had been as much in the dark about Toby as she had. She believed he was furious at Graham. But the two men had been friends since they began rooming together as young teens at a New England boarding school. Since then Carrick had proven his loyalty over and over.

Of course so had she, and look where that had gotten her.

Today she planned to think of other things. Her parents were having a party in her honor, and now her mother, Nalani, came out to the yard behind the Swallows’ plantation-style house carrying platters of food to the picnic tables. The family had given Lilia a week to recover, but everyone knew the time to publicly welcome her home had come, whether she felt up to it or not. She couldn’t hurt the people who loved and wanted the best for her.

Unlike the man who had hurt her.

When family came for a meal, people sat on the lanai, in the kitchen or in the yard, wherever they could squeeze in. Here the outdoor tables were shaded by a spectacular Poinciana tree which in summer would set the yard ablaze with brilliant red flowers.

“You feeling more rested after your nap?” Nalani asked.

“A little.” Lilia hadn’t napped as much as collapsed in a lounge chair after breakfast. She was fairly certain she hadn’t slept more than an hour at a time since her arrival. She was still too angry, too torn, and despite herself, in the deepest part of her heart, too worried about her husband and his son. Some habits were hard to break, and she’d spent a year thinking of little other than Graham’s survival.

Nalani read between the lines. “If you disappear after you’ve greeted everybody, no one will ask where you are.”

Nodding her gratitude, Lilia took two of the platters of her mother’s shoyu chicken and set one on each end of two wooden tables placed end to end. Cabbage salad topped with crunchy ramen noodles, macaroni and cheese dotted with Spam—a local favorite—and a platter of fresh fruit had preceded them. Steaming bowls of rice would be set out when the family began to arrive in a few minutes. Identical bowls adorned two tables inside, and her brothers’ families would bring their own additions, as would the relatives and neighbors who came and went through the evening. Kai had agreed to sing and play, probably with friends from his band, and music magically turned the welcome home party into a luau. Children would chase each other, too excited to sit and eat. Grown-ups would “talk story,” which was local pidgin for chatting.

“Talk stink” was trash talking, and considering that by now everyone already knew why Lilia had come home, there would be plenty of that, too.

The usual family gathering.

The preparations reminded her of the party she had thrown for Graham. She had learned to entertain from her mother, who loved having guests as much as she did. Nalani was short and plump with a round face and shining salt-and-pepper hair that just cleared her earlobes. While Lilia most resembled her father, the two women were much alike in every other way.

She took a step backwards and nearly squashed a chicken parade, a hen and three chicks who were cleaning up crumbs behind her. Ellen had come to the island for Lilia and Graham’s wedding and shrieked when a rooster pecked at her sandaled toe. That memory brought the first smile of the day.

“You know we’ll have chaos, like usual,” Nalani said from the other side of the table. “You’re ready?”

“I’ve missed everybody. I’ll never stay away this long again.”

“Sounds like you’re planning to go back home then.”

“I’ll be back and forth.” There was no point in pretending. She hadn’t decided much, but she had decided that. “My life’s in California now.”

“Even without Graham?”

“I guess our friends will choose sides. But enough will choose me. I won’t be alone.”

“Then you’ve decided to leave him?”

Lilia had expected these questions soon after her arrival, but she wasn’t surprised Nalani had waited until now. She and her mother always had their most serious talks while they set out food. Until now she had asked very little, letting Lilia begin the healing process first.

“I make a decision. Then I change my mind. I’m a mess.”

“You love him.”

Lilia was no longer sure present tense worked. “I did love him. I don’t know what I feel now.”

“You think he was unfaithful more often than he said?”

“I don’t know.” She straightened the bowls of food until they were in a perfect line, although nobody would notice. “Wouldn’t somebody have found a way to tell me? Our marriage was out there where people could watch it. My website, the how-to videos we did together, the renovations Graham did on our house. Our relationship was almost public property. Wouldn’t somebody have told me if things weren’t the way they seemed?”

“People don’t always like to give bad news. But before this happened? Most people would have said Graham was honest no matter what it cost him. When he stood up to his father and went public with the problems at the Randolph Group, he lost his parents. But he did it anyway.”

“Some might. But he never had his parents, so what was there to lose?”

“And after having you, would he take a chance on losing you?”

“He clearly did.”

“So you’re still not sure he’s telling the truth?”

In the past week Lilia had asked herself that question over and over. On long walks at the beach and hikes on a mountain trail. “What he told me may be true. But what about now, Mama? He has a son. Not my son. His.”

She thought about Eli’s confession on the way home from the airport and wondered how her brother had found the inner strength, the goodness, to raise Amber’s firstborn as his own. At the moment she couldn’t find hers.

“You need more time. And a friend to talk to.”

“I have you. That’s enough.”

“There’s a difference in generations, and a difference between mainland and here.”

As her mother went into the house for more food, Lilia thought about that. The difference wasn’t imaginary. In the islands, family or ohana was primary, but it was far more than blood ties. Boundaries were fluid, and family included those who might be related or even wanted to be. Lilia shouldn’t have been surprised Eli had chosen to raise Amber’s son as his own. The individualism that was held up as an American value was not as valued here.