Anne Bennett - Walking Back to Happiness

Ah yes, Hannah thought, but was wise enough not to say, ‘But my path is strewn with thorns.’ In fact, she was wise enough to say nothing at all; Elizabeth was quite satisfied with the smile she gave. ‘Come on,’ she said. ‘They’ll be out in a minute and Reg will start roaring for coffee,’ and Hannah followed Elizabeth into the kitchen.

The first months of Hannah’s pregnancy brought to mind the last time she’d been pregnant and how different it had been. For a start, she’d loved Mike, loved him with all her heart and soul. She had met him in the spring of 1941 at the Hippodrome in Leeds where she’d gone dancing with Tilly, the young northern girl who shared her bedroom. He told her he joined up when he was nineteen and had been one of the lucky ones rescued from the beaches of Dunkirk. But that was the last evening of a very short leave and though Hannah liked the young soldier very much, she wasn’t sure what he thought of her, yet the fact that he was Catholic and of Irish descent like herself had drawn them together. And the man was so handsome, with his blond hair and startling blue eyes. He had full lips and a determined chin and skin slightly tanned from the outdoor life and Hannah readily agreed to write to him.

However, the letters, which started off in friendship, grew more ardent as Mike and Hannah got to know each other better and when they met, over a year later, Hannah was sure she loved him. But it wasn’t until the summer of 1943, when he was invalided home, that Hannah realised the full strength of her feelings and she knew then that Mike Murphy was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

Mike’s injuries were serious enough to keep him out of the army for a while, although not life-threatening, and Hannah spent every spare minute that the hotel and hospital would allow, sitting by his side and later at his house, helping him recuperate.

She’d cried when he’d been declared fit enough to rejoin his unit but was pleased and relieved that he was at a training camp for a few months. Mike told her that he felt they were training for something specific and Hannah declared she didn’t care if he did that till the end of the war. It would suit her fine.

Then one evening in late January 1944, he held her tight and told her he didn’t think it would be long before his unit’s training would be over and then God alone knew where they’d be sent. Fear clutched at Hannah and Mike comforted her and as their passions took over, neither of them could have stopped the inevitable happening.

He’d been worried about repercussions of their passion, she remembered, but it was the last day of his leave and they could do nothing about it, but he clutched her tightly before he left and said, ‘Let’s get married, Hannah.’

‘Why, yes. We always said …’

‘No, no I mean on my next leave,’ he’d urged insistently. ‘I want to keep you safe. What if anything should happen to me? I mean what if you were to become pregnant?’

Hannah couldn’t bear the look of anxiety on Mike’s face. He had enough to worry about without adding her to his list. ‘It’ll be all right,’ she said confidently. ‘It never happens the first time.’

‘Maybe not, but what about the next time, the time after that?’

‘Perhaps there won’t be a next time,’ Hannah said with a smile. ‘Do you think I’m some sort of sex maniac?’

‘No, but I do know if you love me just half as much as I love you, you’ll be unable to help yourself. No,’ Mike said firmly. ‘I’ve decided. Before I leave, I’ll buy you a ring, not the engagement ring I would want for you, that will come later, but one to sort of mark our decision. We won’t tell anyone just yet, because the marriage will have to be done in the registry office.’

‘Registry office!’ Hannah repeated and her heart plummeted. She knew that the Catholic Church would consider it no marriage at all.

‘I know what you’re thinking,’ Mike said. ‘Really I do. My parents won’t like it either and that’s why we must keep it secret, but things are up in the air at the moment. I sometimes don’t hear till the last moment that I’ve got leave. We couldn’t do a big church thing. We’ll have to leave that till after the war. This is just to safeguard you.’

‘Mike, it’s all right.’

‘No, Hannah, it’s not all right,’ Mike replied firmly. He took her in his arms and held her tight against him. He wished they could stay like that. That he could marry her that day, that instant. If anything should happen to his beloved Hannah because of that night and he was not there to protect her … It didn’t bear thinking about. No, she would have his ring on her finger at the earliest possible moment.

Hannah saw Mike’s face furrow as the thoughts raced through his mind and she held his face between her hands and kissed his lips. ‘All right, Mike, we’ll get married whenever and wherever you want,’ she said. ‘But please stop worrying about me.’

‘Look,’ he said, ‘when I know when my next spot of leave is, I’ll phone the hotel and tell you. You book the registry office for the next day, I’ll bring Luke with me if he can get off too, and you bring a friend along as a witness and with the deed done, we’ll go and see my parents.’

‘They’ll go mad.’

‘If they do, it will be me they blame,’ Mike said. ‘But they’d get over it and they do like you.’

‘I like them,’ Hannah said, and she did like Mike’s parents, Colm and Bridie, who obviously doted on Mike, their only child. ‘When I think of some of the girls Mike could have chosen,’ his mother had confided quite early on in their courtship, ‘I’m glad he’s fallen for someone like you, a nice Catholic girl from a respectable family.’

‘I love Mike,’ Hannah had said simply. ‘And I will spend my life making him happy.’

‘I know you will,’ Bridie had said. ‘And perhaps in time and if God wills it, you’ll have a fine family. We wanted a host of children you know, but we only had Mike. Ah, but then he’s been a son in a million.’

However cross or disappointed they might be over the clandestine marriage, Hannah knew they would not risk alienating their only child. Mike was right, they’d get over it. Not so her sister Frances who would be mortified and would never countenance such a marriage. But then, she was miles away, there was no need at all for her to be told anything. Mike had no need to tell her to keep it a secret, she’d keep it to herself all right.

There was one person she did tell though; her friend, Tilly. She showed her the ring that Mike had bought her, hanging on a silver chain around her neck, and told her what she and Mike intended to do on his next leave.

‘Will you come, Tilly, and be a witness?’

‘Course I will,’ Tilly said. ‘I’d be honoured. When will it be? Has he any idea?’

Hannah shook her head. ‘He’s phoning me here when he knows,’ she said. ‘I’ve had a word with the girls who man the desk and they are quite prepared to take a message.’

Mike’s letters came regularly and as February 1944 drew to a close, Mike mentioned that he might get a longer leave than he thought.

‘Embarkation then,’ Tilly said. ‘They always give them a long leave before shipping them out. People say there’s summat brewing on the south coast.’

Hannah hoped it was just a rumour. In her opinion, Mike had done enough.

One morning in the middle of March, Hannah felt sick as she got out of bed and had to run to the lavatory on the landing that all the indoor female staff shared. ‘What was that all about?’ Tilly asked on her return.

Hannah shrugged. ‘Must have eaten something that disagreed with me. I still don’t feel too hot. I’ll not be wanting breakfast this morning.’