Lois Richer - Mother's Day Miracle and Blessed Baby - Mother's Day Miracle / Blessed Baby

Clarissa could tell from the hard chiseled lines his face had fallen into just what kind of men he’d worked with and was fiercely proud of the way he’d protected his sister.

“I tried to take care of her as best I could, but I had to leave and find work whenever we ran out of money. She’d stay with some friends.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “She’d throw her arms around me when I got back and hug so hard my ribs ached.”

“She loved you.” Clarissa felt the sting of tears for that young girl burn in her chest.

Wade looked up. “Actually, you remind me of her sometimes. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, either. She was soft but so stubborn.” His eyes glinted reproof.

Clarissa grinned. “You have to stand up for something or you’ll fall for anything,” she teased.

He nodded slowly. “She should have stood up to me,” he muttered.

Clarissa wanted to ask why but he began speaking again.

“The building industry went into a slump right after I finished high school, and I couldn’t find work. I didn’t know what to do. I only had sixty-five dollars when I came home. I was scared stiff to tell her I’d have to leave again so soon. And I was fed up with grubbing along, just barely managing.” His fingers fisted until the knuckles grew white.

As Clarissa watched, he slowly straightened each finger, his jaw hard with the discipline of stifling his frustration. “She was so young and so innocent, I couldn’t imagine her leaving the reservation, getting a job. Then I had a better idea. Why didn’t she marry Roy? He’d been chasing her for years, she’d be eighteen in a couple of weeks. Everything would be wonderful.” He smiled but there was no joy in his face. “Or that’s what I thought.”

“It wasn’t?” Clarissa couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and feathering a hand through his hair, brushing it back, her fingers soothing against his scalp. “It sounds reasonable.”

Wade shook his head, leaning back so her hand fell away. It’s as if he can’t bear to accept kindness, she decided. As if he has to lash himself over and over with his faults.

“It was grasping at straws and I latched on to that one for all I was worth, eager to get rid of my burden. That’s what I thought of her. My own sister was a burden I had to get rid of.”

The recrimination and self-loathing she saw in his eyes tugged at Clarissa’s soft heart.

“I could hardly wait to be free of my own sister. Isn’t that sick? I had all these dreams of what I was going to do if I could just be on my own. I’d begun to earn my high school credits. I knew the college I wanted. Big man on campus, that’s who I wanted to be!”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Wade. You were just trying to plan ahead.”

“Yeah. That’s what I told myself, too. I had to dump her on the first guy she liked for her own best interests. Because I couldn’t be bothered hanging around that reservation. I had to be free to find my dreams.”

There was nothing she could say. Nothing that would obliterate the sorrow he carried inside. All she could do was help him understand that God still loved him, as He loved them all in spite of their shortcomings. She whispered a prayer for guidance, then concentrated on Wade’s next words.

“I should have checked him out more, come home more often, paid attention to her letters. When she finally got hold of me in California, her life was a mess. Her marriage was on the rocks and her husband was dumping her and the kids, just like good old Dad.” He shoved his head into his hands, his fingers tugging on the glossy strands of black.

“But did I get her out of there, even then? No! All I could see were my selfish plans going down the tubes, my life getting put on hold, my dreams unfulfilled.” He kept his head bowed, his face averted. “I hurried home to talk her into trying to make it work, just a little longer. Just until I got what I wanted. That way, I could avoid my responsibility to take care of my sister. It was the one thing my mother made me promise I’d do and I failed her. Again.”

Wade’s face was carved into hard lines when he finally shifted in his chair, his bitter gaze pinning Clarissa where she sat.

“Kendra died in that car accident because I sent her there. She didn’t want to go with Roy, he’d been drinking. But I persuaded her that she could make it work if she just persisted. It’s my fault those kids have no father or mother.” His eyes shone like polished iron, his mouth tight.

“So you tell me, Clarissa. Am I the kind of person you want to be married to, the kind of man you want making decisions about your future?”

He lunged to his feet, his eyes blazing. “Don’t bother to answer. I know you only wanted to help the kids. So do I. You probably think they’d be better off without me messing up time and time again. You probably wish I’d take off for good and leave them in your capable hands.”

His voice dropped to a whisper as he turned away.

“And I would. God knows I’d leave in a minute if I could. But I promised her I’d raise them. It’s the last promise I ever made to her and I can’t break it. I just can’t.”

Clarissa sat stunned and immobilized by the heartrending grief that shredded his voice. She wanted to reach out, to assure him that he was doing the right thing.

But was he? Were they?

She watched him walk around the lake, a lonely solitary figure lost in a brooding silence that clearly stated Keep out. When he disappeared into a stand of towering blue spruce, Clarissa let the tears roll down her cheeks.

“Oh, God,” she whispered, “what have I done? How can I help this hurting family?”

Though she sat there for an hour, the answer evaded her. Eventually she got up, picked up her and Wade’s empty mugs and returned to the cabin. She cleaned it, made some sandwiches for lunch and set a fresh jug of iced tea in the fridge. But Wade did not return.

As she lay at the side of the lake later that afternoon, Clarissa forced away the thought that Wade had run away, left her behind. Not this time, she told herself. He’s committed this time. And I intend to see that he doesn’t feel chained down. I’ll go on with my life as usual and he’ll realize that I’ve accepted him for exactly who and what he is. He won’t have to fulfill my expectations because I won’t have any.

She pulled off her cover-up and stretched out on the towel, allowing the hot sun to touch her sun-screened skin.

“’They that wait upon the Lord,’” she reminded herself. “Your timing is best.”

“You’re going to burn if you stay out here much longer.” Wade’s soft voice broke through her dream, the words tentative. “Maybe you should cover up?”

“I think I’ll try the water first.” Clarissa sat up, surprised to see him clad in his swimsuit, a towel looped over one arm. “Are you going in?”

He nodded. “I love swimming. The colder the better. We used to have an old swimming hole….” His voice trailed away. “Never mind.”

Clarissa let it go. “Well, I’ll try,” she mumbled doubtfully, accepting his outstretched hand as she got to her feet. “But if it’s cold, I’m outta here.”

He tilted up one arrogant eyebrow. “I never thought I’d see the day when Clarissa Cartwright would back down from a challenge,” he teased.

“Featherhawk,” she reminded him. “And I’m not backing down. I’ll go in. And then I’ll get out.”

He rolled his eyes when she tentatively toe-touched the clear water lapping against the white of the beach. “Uh-huh. Chicken. That’s what I said.”

Clarissa could feel the tension in him, knew he was trying to lighten things between them. Very well. She would help him. She untied her beach jacket and tossed it to the sand, then dashed into the water.