CAROL MARINELLI - Putting Alice Back Together

Dan, the only guy on this planet I can look straight in the eye.

‘I love you, Alice.’

‘I know.’

‘I am here for you.’

‘I know.’ Yeah, take that, Matthew, I thought, you can bitch and moan and whine, but you’ll never break up our friendship.

‘One won’t kill, I guess…’ He picked up the margarita and rolled his eyes in bliss as he took a sip.

‘You’ll get me in trouble with Matthew,’ I warned.

‘We just won’t tell him.’

I felt a rush of relief as he came back to me, a whoosh of euphoria as whatever crisis had loomed was somehow averted.

Dan was back and together we always had a ball.

We just didn’t that night.

He asked about my work, but I didn’t want to just talk about that. ‘I’m worried about Roz,’ I said, hoping that would get him going. He loved a gossip, but Dan rolled his eyes.

‘I really think she’s depressed.’

‘I’d be depressed if I looked like that,’ Dan said. ‘No wonder her husband left—you’d slash yourself if you had to wake up to that face every morning.’

‘But he didn’t leave her.’ I frowned as much as my Botoxed forehead would allow. ‘It was the other way around—Roz left him. Though God knows why, he was gorgeous. Gorgeous ,’ I added for effect, and Dan shot me a look of disbelief. ‘She says they married way too young and that she felt stifled, that she needed to find herself.’

‘Find a bigger McDonald’s outlet more like.’ Dan pursed his lips and then he glanced at his watch and I felt a flutter of panic, so I quickly changed the subject to Dan’s favourite.

Me!

That was a joke.

My career, or lack of it.

I hated my job. I knew, I knew , in these times it was good to have a job—but, frankly, I didn’t know if I would for much longer. I did the website as well sometimes, thanks to Dan pushing me to do a course, but mainly I sat with headphones on, typing up birth, marriage and death notices, announcements, stuff for sale, jobs, that sort of thing. We used to do more dating ads, that was fun, but everything was moving to the internet, not just dating—and what with eBay (love it, love it), I couldn’t see my job lasting much longer.

So I told him all about my worries, that I was sure management was up to something, hoping he’d be so consumed by my problems, that he’d fill up his glass. ‘I’m probably just being pessimistic.’

‘You’re being realistic,’ Dan said, which made the knot in my stomach tighten. ‘Everyone’s cutting back. You need to get some real qualifications.’ I hadn’t really wanted a doom-and-gloom careers appraisal. I wanted him to say that I’d been there nine years, that of course my job was safe, but Dan had said all he was going to. He looked at his watch again and I knew, despite the win with the margarita, I was about to lose my audience. ‘I’ve got to go, Al,’ he said. ‘I’m exhausted.’

It wasn’t even nine, but I followed him to the door, determined not to push him to stay again, and I accepted his hug and kiss goodnight.

‘Think about it,’ Dan said.

‘Think about what?’

‘What we spoke about the other week—you really need to think about going back to your studies.’

‘I could never afford it.’ I thought of my credit cards, the rent, the car payments, but Dan disagreed.

‘You can’t afford not to, Alice. You’ve got talent. Don’t waste it. Take a package if one’s offered and get yourself to university.’

I knew he was right. I guess he’d said what I wanted deep down to hear, even if I didn’t really want to hear it now.

I tried to ring Mum but the line was busy, so I tried Bonny, but her line was busy too.

I tried Mum again and guessed she must be talking to Bonny.

I even contemplated ringing Eleanor, but she was so much older, we just weren’t that close and it was always awkward when I called.

So I tried Bonny again and I got Lex.

‘Oh, hi.’ I was surprised. Normally Bonny answered the landline.

‘Bonny’s in the bath,’ Lex said. ‘Do you want me to get her to call you?’

‘It’s nothing important. How are the kids?’

‘Feral! Look, while I’ve got you…’ And then there was a pause. ‘Let me just close the door.’ I felt my insides turn to liquid. ‘Sorry, I don’t want her to hear.’

My hand was shaking so much I could barely get my drink to my mouth. ‘You haven’t forgotten about next Saturday.’

‘Of course not.’

‘It’s just…’ And then I heard Bonny’s voice in the background and Lex lowered his. ‘Can you make a special effort?’ And then his voice was back to normal. ‘It’s your sister.’

I chatted to Bonny, but my heart wouldn’t stop thumping and thankfully, given she was dripping wet, we didn’t talk for long.

I was all unsettled. I took the blender over to the computer and filled up my glass. I searched universities and entrance criteria and it was just too confusing so I checked my horoscope, which said now was a good time to give up bad habits but there was nothing about my finances or love life improving.

So I checked another and I checked another and then something caught my eye.

Cosmic Love by Yasmin Boland.

A step-by-step guide to cosmic-ordering the perfect guy.

It was all about manifesting, apparently.

Build it and they will come sort of thing.

It was an eBook, which was just as well, because I’d have been too embarrassed to go into a shop and buy it. I typed in my details and waited for my credit card to be declined, but—well, the universe must have wanted me to have it because, despite my late payment, or rather no payment, there it was in my inbox.

I loved it.

It was so positive. All I had to do was write lists (well, there was a bit more to it than that, but I went straight to the good stuff) and tell the universe what I wanted in a partner.

And not some vague wants either, a specific order.

So I did.

I did everything Yasmin told me.

Well, except the clearing-out stuff part, but Nicole had had a big tidy before she left. And I didn’t bother with the cleansing shower to get rid of past loves, and visualising and snipping the threads that bound and letting them go and all that mumbo-jumbo crap.

Be sure that you are ready, Yasmin warned, and that you’ve done your preparation.

Oh, I was ready.

I loved this book—I toddled off to the kitchen and made another jug and got some scissors so I could cut out the pyramid that came with it.

If I had ink in the printer.

I did.

It was all aligning that night.

I had to write what I wanted—I could be as specific as I liked and for a second there my mind did flick to Dan, though Yasmin had warned me not to manipulate—and really, even if I could turn Dan straight, would I want to? I mean, you’d never relax, would you? Anyway, Yasmin said it was better to trust the universe, that the right guy would always come back if he was the one.

I had to print out the pyramid again because when I was cutting it out I chopped off the end.

God, I was pissed.

And, yes, I trusted the universe and everything, but not completely.

I wanted blond or raven, not someone with my affliction. I mean, I had to think of our children and, anyway, people might think we were brother and sister when we went out. So I knew it couldn’t be Hugh. Nicole’s cousin held no charm for me, but perhaps he was a means to an end. One look at me, and Hugh’s eyes would widen. ‘There’s the type of girl to take to the neurosurgeons’ Christmas party. That’s the type of girl who would look marvellous at the Kids with Cancer Christmas fundraising ball.’