Cecelia Ahern - Where Rainbows End

Perhaps George and I can take the two of them out some other evening during the week.

Best wishes,

Sandra Stewart

To Rosie

The party was not very good. You did not miss anything. The boys are stupid. Brian threw his pizza in Jameses sleeping bag and when James woke up he had tomato and cheese stuck in his hair and everything and my mum tried to wash it and it would not go away and then Jameses mum gave out to Brians mum and my mum went real red and my dad said something I didn’t here and Jameses mum started to cry and then everyone went home. Do you want to go to the cimena on Friday and go to McDonalds after? My mum and dad will bring us.

Alex

To Alex

Sorry about your party. Brian is a weirdo anyway. I hate him. Brian the Whine is his name. I will ask my mum and dad about the cinema. Look at Miss Casey’s skirt it looks like my grannys. Or it looks like sandy puked up all over it and the—

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dunne,

I was hoping to arrange a meeting with you to discuss Rosie’s recent behaviour in school and her note writing during class. How does Thursday at 3 p.m. sound?

Miss Casey

Alex,

My mum and dad won’t let me go to the cinema tonight. I hate not sitting beside you. It’s so boring. Frizzy Lizzys hair is blocking my view of the blackboard. Why does this happen to us all the time?

Rosie

TO ALEX

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

MAY THERE BE SEX IN YOUR LIFE

AND … LIFE IN YOUR SEX!

LOVE FROM YOUR SECRET ADMIRER

XXX

To Rosie

You wrote that card didn’t you?

From Alex

To Alex

What card?

From Rosie

To Rosie

Very funny. I no it was you.

From Alex

To Alex

I really don’t know what you’re talking about. Why would I send you a Valentine’s card?

From Rosie

To Rosie

Ha ha! How did you no it was a Valentine’s Card! The only way you could no is if you sent it. You love me, you want to marry me.

From Alex

To Alex

Leave me alone I’m listening to Mrs. O’Sullivan. If she catches us passing notes again we’re dead meat.

From Rosie

To Rosie

What happened to you? You’ve turned into such a swot.

Alex

Yes Alex and that’s why I’ll go places in life, like going to college and being a big successful business person with loads of money … unlike you.

From Rosie

Chapter 2

Dear Mr. Byrne,

Alex will be unable to attend school tomorrow, the 8th of April, as he has a dental appointment.

Sandra Stewart

Dear Ms. Quinn,

Rosie will be unable to attend school tomorrow, the 8th of April, as she has a doctor’s appointment.

Alice Dunne

Rosie,

I’ll meet you round the corner at 8.30 a.m. Remember to bring a change of clothes. We’re not wandering around town in our uniforms. This is going to be the best birthday you ever had, Rosie Dunne, trust me! I can’t believe we’re actually getting away with this!

Alex

PS. Sweet 16 my arse!

St James’s Hospital

10 April

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dunne,

Enclosed is the medical bill for Rosie Dunne’s stomach pumping on 8 April.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Montgomery

Rosie,

Your mum is guarding the door like a vicious dog so I don’t think I’ll get to see you for the next ten years or so. The kind big sis you love so much (not!) has agreed to pass this on to you. You owe her big time …

Sorry about the other day. Maybe you were right. Maybe the tequila wasn’t such a good idea. The poor barman will probably be closed down for serving us. Told you that fake ID my mate got would work, even though yours did say you were born on the 31st of February!

Just wondering if you remember anything that happened the other day … write to me. You can trust Stephanie to pass it on. She’s mad at your mum for not letting her drop out of college. Phil and Margaret have just announced that they’re having another baby so it looks like I’ll be an uncle for the second time round. At least that’s taking the attention off me, which makes for a change. Phil just keeps laughing at what you and me did because we remind him of himself ten years ago.

Get well soon, you alco! Do you no I didn’t think it was possible for a human being to go so green in the face. I think you have finally found your talent, Rosie, ha ha ha ha.

Alex/Mr. Cocky,

I FEEL AWFUL. My head is pounding, I have never had such a headache, I have never felt so ill before in my life. Mum and Dad are going ape shit. Honestly, you never get any sympathy in this house. I’m gonna be grounded for about thirty years and I’m being ‘prevented’ from seeing you because you’re ‘such a bad influence’. Yeah right, whatever.

Anyway, it doesn’t really matter what they do because I’m gonna see you at school tomorrow, unless they ‘prevent’ me from going there too, which is absolutely fine by me. Can’t believe we have double maths on a Monday morning. I would rather get my stomach pumped again. Five times over. See you on Monday then.

Oh by the way, in answer to your question, apart from my face smashing against that filthy pub floor, flashing lights, loud sirens, speeding cars and puking, I can’t remember anything else. But I bet that just about covers it. Anything else I should know about?

Rosie

To Rosie

Glad to hear everything is as normal as usual. Mum and Dad are driving me crazy too. I can’t believe I’m actually looking forward to going to school. At least no one will be able to nag us there.

From Alex

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dunne,

Following the recent actions of your daughter Rosie, we request a meeting with you at the school immediately. We need to discuss her behaviour and come to an agreement on a reasonable punishment. I have no doubt you understand the necessity of this. Alex Stewart’s parents will also be in attendance.

The scheduled time is Monday morning at 9 a.m.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Bogarty

Principal

From Rosie

To Alex

Subject Suspended!

Holy shit! I didn’t think that old bogey would go ahead and suspend us! I’d swear we were axe murderers from the way that he was carrying on! Oh, this is the best punishment ever . I get to stay in bed for a whole week nursing a hangover instead of going to school!

From Alex

To Rosie

Subject I’m in hell

Glad life is going so wonderfully for you these days. I’m emailing you from the worst place in the world. An office. I have to work here with Dad for the entire week, filing shit and licking stamps. I swear to God I am NEVER EVER going to work in an office in my life.

The bastards aren’t even paying me.

A very pissed off Alex

From Rosie

To Alex

Subject A very pissed off Alex

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha em … I’ve forgotten what I was going to write … oh yeah … ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Lots of love from an extremely comfy, snuggy, warm and happy Rosie typing from her bedroom.

From Alex

To Rosie

Subject Lazy

I don’t care. There is an absolute babe working in this office. I am going to marry her. Now who’s laughing?

From Rosie

To Alex

Subject Don Juan

Who is she?

From a non-lesbian so am therefore NOT jealous.

From Alex

To Rosie

Subject To non-lesbian

I will for the time being humour you by calling you that although I have yet to see any evidence to suggest otherwise.

Her name is Bethany Williams and she is seventeen (older woman!), blonde, has a massive pair of boobs and the longest legs I have ever seen.

From the sex god

From Rosie

To Alex

Subject Mr. Sex God (puke puke gag vomit)

She sounds like a giraffe. I’m sure she is a really nice person (not!). Have you even said hello to her or has your future wife yet to acknowledge your existence? (Apart from handing you memos to photocopy, of course.)