Tom Watson - Stick Dog

“Certainly not. They’re selfish. They want to keep all the hamburgers for themselves.”

Stick Dog shook his head in disgust, muttering under his sweet-smelling dog breath about how humans never share anything. He rose off the couch cushion and, shaking the dirt from his fur, said, “Let’s follow the smell, find the hamburgers. Find the hamburgers, make a plan. Execute the plan, eat the hamburgers.”

“Eat the hamburgers,” Stripes added, “roll around in the dirt scratching our backs.”

“Umm, yeah. Whatever,” said Karen, scrunching up her face.

All of them trailed Stick Dog, who followed the scent towards Picasso Park. But as they went in search of some smoky hamburger goodness, their mission was interrupted by something very bad. Something was lurking in the Forest.

With Stick Dog in the lead, all five dogs sprinted off in search of yummy hamburgers. Twenty paws charging across the twigs, leaves, and sticks of the forest floor created a thunderous racket. But it was a thunderous racket only for a couple of minutes. Then something happened.

Poo-Poo saw a squirrel.

“STOP! Everybody stop!” yelled Poo-Poo as he skidded to a halt.

Karen, Stripes, and Mutt stopped quickly beside Poo-Poo. “What?” they asked.

“Up there!” Poo-Poo exclaimed, and lifted his nose up in the air to point. “Squirrel. In the oak tree!”

The four dogs gathered around the trunk of the tree. Stick Dog stood off to the side. The smell of those hamburgers was even stronger now.

“Hey, you guys,” said Stick Dog. “Let’s keep going and track down those hamburgers. I’m starting to get pretty hungry.”

Poo-Poo snapped his head towards Stick Dog and looked him in the eye. “You must not have heard me,” he said. “There’s a squirrel up there.” He turned back to the tree.

Stick Dog knew this delay would only make his hunger worse. He said, “I heard you, Poo-Poo. And I know how important squirrels are to you. I really do. It’s just that— ”

“They’re more than just important to me,” said Poo-Poo. “That’s a gross under-exaggeration. Squirrels are my arch-enemies! Ever since I was a puppy on the dairy farm, they’ve been torturing me.”

“You grew up on a dairy farm, Poo-Poo?” Mutt asked.

“I think so. I remember there were cows everywhere,” he answered, never once taking his eyes off his enemy in the tree. “And there were squirrels everywhere too. With their sniffy little noses and their chattering sounds. And then those puffy tails. Oooh, I can’t stand those puffy tails.

Like they’re so great. ‘Look at us! We have puffy tails. Aren’t we so special?’”

Stick Dog came a step closer and glanced up into the oak tree. “Poo-Poo, I might not feel quite as strongly as you do about squirrels— ”

“They’re evil!” Poo-Poo interrupted. “Truly evil.”

“Okay, okay. They’re evil,” said Stick Dog. “I just wonder why we have to worry about this particular squirrel in this particular tree at this particular time. We’re on our way to find tasty hamburgers. With a good strategy and some good teamwork, we could be feasting on hamburgers in no time.”

Poo-Poo was quiet and still. Stick Dog hoped that he was absorbing the words and would decide to abandon the squirrel – and continue their mission.

“Did you see that?!” Poo-Poo screamed. “It just twitched its tail at me. Arrgg! I can’t stand it when they do that. That drives me crazy!”

“Could you just forget about it this one time?” Stick Dog asked.

Poo-Poo paused and considered. “Well, maybe. . .”

And then the squirrel dropped an acorn on Poo-Poo’s head.

Poo-Poo jumped up, barking furiously, and put his front paws as high as he could on the trunk of the tree. “Why you rotten, little, furry, no-good, fuzzy-tailed, nut-eating, acorn-dropping, sneaky, tree-climbing beast!” he yelled.

“What happened?” asked Karen.

“You’re not going to believe what that fuzzy grey trickster did to me!” exclaimed Poo-Poo.

“What? What did he do?” asked Mutt and Stripes.

“That puffy-tailed, nose-twitching, branch-jumping little scoundrel dropped an acorn on my head!”

“He didn’t,” said Karen. “I can’t believe it.”

“He did,” Poo-Poo answered, his eyes fixed on the top branches of that tree.

“This is the last time,” said Poo-Poo, now circling the tree and growling at the uppermost branches. “I’ve had it with their twitchy tails and their oh-so-superior tree-jumping skills and fancy wire-walking expertise. And I’ve really had it with their acorn-dropping ways. It’s time to set things right and restore the natural order of things. Dogs are better than squirrels – and today I’m going to prove it.”

“How are you going to do that, Poo-Poo?” asked Karen.

“I’m not sure, but I’m thinking I’ll just wait here until that squirrel comes down,” said Poo-Poo. He stopped and brought a paw to his chin. “But that might be a while. That nasty, little, grey fluff ball probably has a stash of food up there somewhere. That would be just like a squirrel!”

“So what are you going to do?” asked Mutt.

“I’ll just have to find a way up.”

Now, I don’t know if you know this or not, but dogs can’t climb trees.

And this presented a dilemma.

Do you know what a dilemma is? It’s when you have a choice among things to do, but none of the options is very good. Let’s see; let me think of an example. Okay, here’s one. It’s dinner time, and you have two vegetables to choose from: overcooked green beans or steamed cauliflower. And your mum says you have to pick one. You, my vegetable-avoiding friend, are now faced with a “dilemma.”

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