Lynne Pemberton - Sleeping With Ghosts

‘Does Cal know you’re engaged?’

When she looked up to speak, some of the cool edge had left her voice. ‘No, not yet, we’re going to tell him next leave-out weekend. Jordan’s planning a trip to his place upstate.’ She paused, ‘You know, to help find the right moment. I shouldn’t worry, he’s very fond of Calvin.’

Adam doubted there was a ‘right moment’ and he knew, without a shadow of doubt, Calvin did not reciprocate Jordan Tanner’s affection. ‘Cal still harbours hopes of you and me getting back together, so I really don’t know how he’s going to take the happy news.’

Adam shifted in his seat, pulling a cushion out from behind his back. Jennifer stood up to her full five foot eight, stretched, and with both hands on her narrow hips walked across the room, not stopping until she came to the bookcase on the far wall. Picking up an ashtray, she walked back towards him. Adam watched her slow feline movements, they had always aroused him. She lit a cigarette, the smoke rising in front of her face, and she looked at him through slanted eyes.

His hair, normally flowing on to his shoulders, was caught in an untidy ponytail – several strands had strayed and were curling into his neck. The top three buttons of his shirt were open and his initials could be seen, hand embroidered in pale blue, on the inside collar. Jennifer recalled the first time she had kissed that neck; she had noticed the monogram and thought it very chic.

Adam stretched his left leg, worn denim pulling taut across his upper thigh. His jeans rode up to reveal an inch of calf, thick black hair curling over the rim of his tan cowboy boot.

God, you’re an attractive son-of-a-bitch , his wife thought to herself, fighting an overwhelming urge to touch him. She had never stopped wanting him. No man had ever physically satisfied her like Adam Krantz. There was a warmth between her legs as her mind ran rampant with thoughts of him inside her, his mouth on her body, hot and hungry, like a starving animal on a feeding frenzy. Inhaling smoke deeply, she was scrutinizing his face.

‘And how do you feel about the idea of us getting back together, Adam?’ There was something in the way she narrowed her eyes to slits that gave her the distinct look of a cat. An alley cat, Adam thought, realizing with a surge of anger that it was exactly the way she had looked on that afternoon, eighteen months ago, when he had arrived back from London two days earlier than anticipated.

He hadn’t called home but had called Joanne to make a reservation for dinner at the Manhattan Ocean Club, one of Jennifer’s favourite restaurants. The scene remained like a stage set in his head: always in vivid colour – every word, movement, nuance, in excruciating detail. Jennifer was bent over his desk, her blue skirt hiked up around her waist, both legs were spread wide apart, a pair of white lace panties hung from one ankle. Her left breast was exposed; the nipple, puckered and dark, seemed unusually large. There was one gold button missing from her white Chanel blouse – the one he had bought her in Paris on vacation the previous year. As she strained forward, holding the edge of the desk, her abundant hair fanned across his open diary.

Jordan Tanner, his trousers gathered around his ankles, was gripping her hips and there were pink marks on her smooth skin where his fingers had been. His open shirt flapped against his naked thighs as he moved rhythmically in and out of her body.

Stunned into silence, Adam had watched them from the open door of his study – the Hermès carrier bag containing a scarf and belt for Jennifer dangling from his grip. He had felt strangely detached, like watching a film, and at one point even wanted to laugh. Hardly daring to breathe, he had listened to Jennifer’s moans, and Jordan’s increasing grunts as his thrusting approached ejaculation. Adam would never forget their faces which had turned towards him in shock when he had spoken very quietly, in a voice that he didn’t recognize as his own. ‘I do hope Jordan is wearing a condom, Jennifer; you really don’t know where he’s been.’

‘I asked you a question, Adam.’

A thin spiral of smoke curled into the air between them.

‘Us? I don’t think it would ever work.’ His mouth tightened. ‘Too much water under the bridge. You must understand I can’t get this vision of you shacked up with that senseless creep Jordan Tanner out of my mind. I mean if a beautiful woman like you has to get laid behind her husband’s back, I really think there are—’

‘Stop it, stop it, please!’ Jennifer was shaking, and it pleased him to see her robbed of her cool composure. ‘We’ve been through this before, it’s all totally negative stuff.’

‘Oh negative , is it? I don’t think saying what one really thinks can ever be negative, Jennifer.’

Ignoring this reasoning, she ground her cigarette out viciously into the bottom of the ashtray, the calm voice of her therapist whispering in her ears, ‘Guilt is negative. You must be positive. Do not under any circumstances take on your husband’s guilt. He will, if you allow him, try to make you feel responsible for everything that’s gone wrong in your relationship; most men do.’

Composing her features into a smile that, to Adam, resembled a sneer, she said, ‘I really would like Cal to go to Harvard, Adam. He’s very bright, it’s a great university and can offer him everything. Think of the people he’ll meet, the cream of society, how can you deny him that opportunity? I would really appreciate it if you didn’t fight me on this one.’

‘I think Calvin has a mind of his own, Jennifer. You know as well as I do that he’s headstrong, and if he wants to go to Art School – he will. I don’t think I’ll have to fight, this is something he wants real bad. The kid’s got a gift, real talent; think about him for once, and not yourself.’

Jennifer stood up, her expression unreadable. ‘You’re right, Calvin is strong-willed. He takes after you in that respect, you always were a stubborn bastard, and so secretive. I really don’t know what I hoped to achieve by coming here. Jordan warned me that you would deliberately try to oppose me.’

‘Did he now? I suggest you tell Jordan Tanner to come over here and say that to me personally if he dares. The little asshole may be brave enough to make a pass at my wife, then get laid, but he’s scared shitless to face me.’

Jennifer glared like a wild predatory cat. ‘Damn you, Adam Krantz! You know why I had to seek the comforts of another man, you were never around.’ She strode towards the door, grabbing her jacket from the back of a nearby chair. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll see myself out. And mark my words, I’m determined no son of mine is going to Art School, to end up like you, trying to sell a few meagre paintings and struggling to survive. I’m certain that if your father hadn’t died and left you everything, you’d still be struggling.’

‘Thanks, Jennifer, you always did have a special knack of making me feel great.’

‘It’s the truth, and you know it.’

Adam sprang to his feet, blocking her way to the door. ‘Money isn’t the be-all and end-all of everyone’s existence. Need I remind you of our early years together, how we laughed and loved in my basement in Greenwich. At that time we had very little, so how come we were so happy?’

They both fell silent, remembrance of pleasures past evident on their faces.

‘That was a long time ago, Adam, I don’t even want to think that far back. Like you said earlier, too much water … I need to think about what’s happening right now, and I want the best for my son.’