Anne O'Brien - Marriage Under Siege

‘Talk to me, Honoria.’

But she did not know where to begin.

‘Then I will ask the questions and you try to answer. Let us see how far we can get.’ He had no intention of allowing her to hide from him. ‘You said that Edward did not force you.’ A flash of warning, of illumination, struck him here. ‘Did Edward … was he able to consummate the marriage?’

She shook her head, hiding her face.

‘Are you still virgin?’

She heard the amazement in his voice and was ashamed. ‘Yes,’ she whispered.

‘Did he not try? Was it his ill health that prevented him?’

‘He tried!’ The words now poured out, as had the tears. ‘Every night.’ She shuddered with disgust and fear as the memories rushed back. ‘Again and again.’

‘My poor child,’ he murmured.

‘I am not a child!’ Anger and despair mingled in a deadly mix. ‘He wanted an heir, he said. Before he died. That was the only reason for our marriage … for his spending so much money. He tried so often but he was unable … I could not bear it. I know that marriage means obedience to one’s husband … but I could not bear it. He was so …’ She could not find the words.

‘I understand.’

‘Do you? How could you?’ Now she found that she could not stop, even when she would have pressed her fingers against her mouth to hold back the expression of her worst memories. ‘He was so gross, so fat and unwashed. His body was covered with thick hair. And … his hands were damp and … slimy, with blackened fingernails. And he touched me …’ She pressed her hand to her stomach to ward off the wave of nausea. ‘He prodded and groped, squeezing and pinching. I hated it. How could I be expected to find any wifely pleasure in that? How could I ever accept such indignities?’

‘No.’ He pressed his lips together, fighting to contain the anger that built within him as he visualised the picture which Honoria so clearly, so vividly painted, even though he suspected that she had kept the worst from him. ‘I don’t suppose you could.’

‘And he was unable. He blamed me. He said that I was cold and unfeeling—a frigid wife—and I was. He said that it was all my fault—that I had robbed him of his manhood and deserved to be punished.’ She shivered against him, but there was no longer the threat of tears.

‘Did he ever harm you?’ He deliberately kept his voice calm.

‘No. He never struck me. But with words, with the lash of those, he could destroy me. He said that he had been tricked into the marriage—and that I was not woman enough to entice him or pleasure him. I was a failure. I could not fulfil my part of the marriage settlement.’ She was quiet for a moment. Then, ‘I must disgust you.’

‘Honoria …’ What on earth were the right words to say to her? In the end he went for simplicity. ‘My dear girl, you could never disgust me. You were not a failure.’ Now he understood the whole tragic tale. A gross old man, intent on getting an heir on his new wife in the short time left to him. Without sensitivity or finesse, rendered impotent by illness and old age. He had put all the blame for his failure on to her slight shoulders and she lacked the experience to determine the truth of it. ‘It was not your fault. And you have to realise that it does not have to be like that between a man and a woman. There can be delight and warmth … and trust.’

‘Trust? I find it impossible to believe that. And as for delight …’ She shuddered against him.

His lordship sighed. Now was not the time to convince her otherwise. The emotional upheaval had taken its toll and she leaned against him, her earlier fears forgotten, but yet drained and exhausted.

‘I am afraid of failing again.’ And afraid that you will measure me unfavourably against Katherine .

Those few words that she dared to utter spoke volumes. He held her close to rub his cheek against her hair.

‘You will not fail again. I will show you,’ he reassured her softly. ‘But not now, not tonight. You need to rest.’

Mansell stood and lifted her, without protest, and carried her back to the high bed. There he settled her under the covers and, before she could speak, stretched beside her, pulling her firmly into his arms.

‘Don’t fight me again,’ he murmured as he felt her muscles tense once more.

‘Would it not be better to … to finish it quickly? I am sure that you are not unable.’ He heard the depth of bitter humiliation in her voice. His reassurance had apparently not found its mark.

‘No.’ The ghost of a laugh shook him. ‘I am not unable. But it would definitely not be better to finish it quickly! When I do take you, when I make you truly my wife and you bear my weight, you will not be exhausted and terrified and as responsive as a January icicle.’

‘And if I cannot?’ He detected the breath of hysteria once more. ‘What if Edward was right? What if I did cause his failure?’

His response was to take her face in his two hands and force her to look at him ‘Look at me, Honoria. And listen well. You did not cause Edward’s inability to complete the marriage. How could you? You are lovely. He must have been sick indeed not to respond to you. You are very feminine. A man would dream of holding and … and loving a woman like you. You did not exactly encourage me, did you, but I would have had no difficulty in taking you, in spite of it.’ No difficulty at all, he thought, still aware of his hard arousal. It promised to be a long night! ‘Indeed, the difficulty was in leaving you. Do you understand?’

She looked at him for a long moment, considering his words carefully, and then nodded.

‘Well, then.’ He tucked her against his side, taking one of her hands in his, arranging the pillows and covers for their comfort. ‘Are you comfortable?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then go to sleep. You are quite safe. And Edward, may he rot in Hell, cannot touch you ever again.’

Her body gradually relaxed, minute by minute, against his as the warmth and release from fear slowly spread through her veins, her breathing softening, her muscles loosening. Her hand finally rested on his chest, fingers curled and open. He felt her slide into sleep.

What a terrible burden she had carried with no one to help her. He rested his chin against her hair. Only a crisis had forced her into confiding in him. Otherwise, he knew with a certainty, she would have remained silent, disguising her fears behind a wall of competency and self-possession. He wondered fleetingly if she had spoken to Mary about it—and decided not. She would find it difficult to open her thoughts to anyone on such a short acquaintance. He hoped indeed that Edward would suffer the torments of the abyss for his cruel, thoughtless treatment of her. He moved his arm slightly and cushioned her head more securely on his shoulder. She did not stir.

It would take considerable care and patience on his part to build a relationship with her, to repair the damage so wilfully caused. He turned his face against the soft curls. So soft, so vibrant now that it was no longer confined. He would care for her. With tenderness and sympathetic handling they would find a way together. It surprised him how much he wanted to soothe and comfort. After all, he had little experience of either with an unwilling woman.

He stayed awake a long time, watching the flickering shadows as the fire finally died, assailed by doubts over the momentous step he had taken that day and the responsibilities that it thrust at him. And yet, whatever the future might hold, he could not be sorry that he had taken her as his wife.

It was still very early when he woke. The dull grey of March daylight was hardly touching the sky or chasing the shadows in the room. The fire had died to ash long since so the air was chill.