Anne Bennett - Mother’s Only Child

Sam saw how his daughter suffered and, though his heart ached, he could nothing to ease any of it for her.

By the beginning of the third week, Sarah seemed to have retreated into a world of her own. ‘It is shock, as you suspected,’ Dr Shearer said, when a worried Maria asked him to call. ‘Her mind has shut down because she can’t bear what has happened.’

‘Is it permanent?’ Maria asked.

‘It’s impossible to say,’ the doctor said. ‘The mind is a strange thing. I could arrange for her to go to the psychiatric unit of the District Hospital in Letterkenny for assessment.’

‘A mental hospital?’ Maria said. ‘An asylum?’ Unconsciously she curled her lip.

‘The psychiatric unit of the District Hospital,’ the doctor repeated.

‘She isn’t that bad, is she?’ Maria asked.

‘It isn’t a question of how bad she is, but whether she can be helped further,’ the doctor said.

Maria had a horror of her mother going to such a place. She had a mental picture of what went on in an asylum—and it was an asylum, no matter what fancy name the doctor gave it. She was sure there would be raving lunatics, encased in strait-jackets, or incarcerated in cells, sometimes padded, to prevent them injuring themselves. She wanted her frail and gentle mother nowhere near that, not mixing with mad people.

‘I think she’d be better at home for now, Doctor, but thank you anyway,’ she said.

The doctor shrugged. ‘As you wish, Maria, but remember everyone of us has a breaking point, even you. Don’t allow yourself to go under, for you’ll soon not only have your mother to see to, but your father too.’

Did he think she was unaware of that? Maria shut the door behind him with a bang. She caught her mother up by the hand and, stopping only to wrap a shawl around her, made for the shop.

‘I must get a job,’ she told Dora. ‘But I can’t leave Mammy, and when Daddy comes home it will be worse. What am I to do?’

‘And will your father get nothing from the navy or the Government?’ Dora asked.

‘Barney says not.’

‘And the boatyard?’

‘Limping along just,’ Maria said. ‘Willie’s finished. He’s living with his daughter now.’

‘Barney’s been a grand help to you,’ Dora said.

‘He’s been wonderful,’ Maria agreed warmly. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without him, and that’s the truth. Daddy has quite revised his opinion of him, but that doesn’t help me find a solution to this problem of earning some money.’

Dora was thoughtful that evening and eventually Bella asked what was bothering her.

‘I could see to Sam through the day once he’s home, so that Maria could get a job, but there’s still the problem of Sarah.’

Bella had been heartbroken to see her friend so ill, and hoped and prayed she might one day recover. She’d taken on a girl called Maggie to help in the shop when Maria left. She said, ‘I could maybe have Sarah here during the day. I’m sure I could find her some occupation, weighing and bagging up or some such. Between myself and Maggie, we’ll manage her. After all, Maria can’t do it all.’

Maria was almost overcome by Bella and Dora’s offer and set about finding a job straight away in one of the factories making military uniforms.

However, a few days before she started work, Greg Hopkins came home on leave and soon landed himself at Maria’s door. She smiled, glad to see him and invited him inside.

‘I can’t tell you how heartsore I am,’ he said, and his dark brown eyes were troubled. ‘My mom wrote and told me.’

‘Thank you, Greg,’ Maria said. She saw that Greg’s boyhood had been shed and he was now a man, fine and strapping. He had always been handsome, but his face had once had a sort of soft look about it. Now that was gone. He looked more determined somehow. He was broader shouldered than he’d ever been and carried himself with confidence and assurance. Maria felt a tremor pass down her body as she looked at him.

‘I’m truly sorry that I won’t be around to help you through this,’ Greg said. ‘Pardon me asking this, and please don’t be offended, but how are you managing for money?’

‘I’m not offended,’ Maria said. ‘I know you are asking only out of concern, but you needn’t worry. Daddy had a little saved from his time in the yard and then the villagers have been marvellous. With Bella and Dora’s help, I have been able to look for a job and I am starting at a shirt factory in Derry in a few days’ time. Bella is taking charge of Mammy during the day and Dora will see to Daddy, once he is ready to come home.’

It was said so matter-of-factly, but Greg heard the sadness and weariness in Maria’s voice and his heart turned over in pity for this lovely, young girl with such a heavy burden across her narrow shoulders.

He was certain now he loved and would always love her and wondered how Maria felt about him. He wouldn’t press her, knowing such a lot had happened to her recently, and she was but sixteen yet.

‘Do you ever get out, Maria?’ he asked. ‘Have time for yourself?’

‘What do you think?’ Maria said. ‘Free time is something I don’t have an abundance of.’

‘I have but a few days before I report back,’ Greg said, ‘and you have less time before you start work. It would please me greatly if you let me take you to the pictures this evening. Gone with the Wind is showing in Derry.’

‘Oh,’ Maria said. The pictures! She’d never been and oh, how she’d longed to often. But she shook her head regretfully. ‘I…I couldn’t,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry, but…but I just couldn’t.’

‘Why not?’

‘My mother, I couldn’t leave her.’

‘Could someone sit with her, just for the one evening?’

Maria’s mind was racing. Maybe if she got her mother to bed, Dora or Bella could sit in the house until she came back. ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I’ll get word to you if I can work something out.’

A little later she said to Bella, ‘D’you think me awful?’

‘No. Why on earth should I?’

‘You know, going out enjoying myself with Mammy how she is, and as for Daddy…‘

Bella liked young Greg Hopkins, had always liked him, and far better than Barney McPhearson for all the great turnout Maria said he’d made of himself.

‘What difference will it make to either of your parents whether you go out or stay in?’

‘It’s just that I feel guilty.’

‘You think things will improve for your mammy if you are miserable?’

Maria smiled. ‘Of course not.’

‘Well then,’ Bella said. ‘You go with an easy conscience and remember Greg will only have a few days before he is back in the battlefields. I’ll be there if your mammy should need anything.’

Maria had never enjoyed herself so much. The film was wonderful, and when she cried, Greg’s arm had gone around her gently in comfort, as he passed her his snow-white hanky. She’d leant against him and sighed. How good it would be, she thought, to have someone special just for herself, someone to lighten the load a little.

Greg’s heart was singing as the two alighted from the bus in The Square. He’d held Maria’s hand in the cinema at first and she took it again as they walked home, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. At the door, Greg kissed her tenderly on the lips.

‘Will you see me tomorrow?’

‘Oh, I don’t know.’

‘Please. We can take a walk out if the weather is kind to us.’

Maria looked into Greg’s clear, brown eyes and knew that she wanted to see him again and yet still she said, ‘No, not in the daytime. Bella and Dora are kind enough to mind Mammy in the evening so that we can have time together. I will not take advantage of that kindness, and before we do anything else tomorrow, I must see my father.’