Anne Bennett - Far From Home

Kate, who would give a king’s ransom to see even half the things Susie spoke about, looked at her with dull eyes. She always waited excitedly for Susie’s annual visit and listened avidly to her news, but when she had gone it was as if someone had turned the light out. Kate would see the days stretching interminably out in front of her, each one the same as the one before. The only light in her life was her love for Tim, and she couldn’t speak about that.

Susie was off again. ‘’Cos as well as the waltz and quickstep and that, they do the new dances coming in from America, music to the big bands, you know?’

No, Kate thought, I don’t know. I don’t even know what she is talking about. How would I?

Philomena watched Kate’s face and suddenly felt sorry for her. She also saw that Susie might provide a way out of the situation as regards Kate and Tim. She hated the thought of her daughter leaving that small cottage and living a long way away, but she also knew that she and Tim had to be kept apart for their own good. And Kate had to be the one to go away because Tim couldn’t be spared. He was his father’s right-hand man and, as the eldest son, the one who would inherit the farm one day.

So to Susie’s great surprise, Philomena said, ‘Susie’s right, Kate. You were always a fine one for the dancing. You’ll have to go to Birmingham and see for yourself. Would you like that?’

Kate wasn’t sure she’d heard right. She stared at her mother, and even Susie was silent and seemed to be almost holding her breath. ‘Do … do you really mean it, Mammy?’ Kate said at last.

Philomena’s heart felt as if it was breaking, because she knew that once gone, Kate would in all likelihood never come back to live at home again, but then thinking of the alternative said, ‘Yes, of course I mean it.’

Kate had to get things straight. ‘For a holiday, Mammy?’ she asked. ‘I’d love that. Oh indeed I would.’

‘Well, just a wee holiday if you like,’ Philomena said, and Kate heard the resignation in her mother’s voice and the sigh she tried to suppress as she went on: ‘Though if Susie here could get you set on some place, you could stay a year or two and see how you like city life.’

Both Kate and Susie looked at Philomena in amazement, and then Kate’s eyes met her mother’s and suddenly she knew why her mother was anxious that she should leave her home and family and travel to Birmingham. And she wasn’t sure that she wanted to go, not for a year or two. Although she did hanker after more freedom, she knew that she would miss her family hugely. And she might never see Tim again, or at least for a good few years. On the other hand, she had to admit that it was torment seeing him so often and not even being able to speak of how she felt. At least she would be spared that.

‘So,’ Philomena said, ‘what do you think?’

Susie was astounded at Philomena’s apparent and sudden change of heart, but she decided she was going to do all she could to encourage such a venture because she thought Kate was wasted in Donegal. ‘I could soon get you fixed up with a job and a flat and such,’ she said reassuringly. ‘Oh, it would be such fun if we were together.’

Kate smiled at her friend’s enthusiasm, but she knew she was right. With Susie’s company, a job of work and all the distractions that Birmingham could offer, she would surely be able to get the feelings she had for her cousin into some sort of perspective. And so she had nodded her head and had ended up following Susie Mason to Birmingham three years earlier in the autumn of 1935. She had confided everything to Susie once she had arrived in Birmingham; though Susie was sympathetic, she thought that Kate would soon get over her cousin. However, Kate had been incredibly homesick and was determined to stay true to Tim. ‘If I can’t have Tim then I’ll have nobody,’ she declared. ‘I won’t settle for second best.’ She knew her attitude irritated Susie, but there was nothing she could do about that.

However, Kate knew that her young sister, Sally, had no idea of the real reason their mother had been so keen for her to leave home, and that was how Kate wanted it to stay, and so when Sally said, ‘So why was it so different for you?’, she put those memories to the back of her mind.

‘I’ve told you why that was, and as for Mammy not giving you money, she doesn’t think you need anything since she clothes you and feeds you. I never had any either, but if it bothers you that much, it would have been more sensible and more mature to tell them how you felt rather than rushing over here.’

And then a thought struck her and she said, ‘But hang on a minute, if you had no money given to you, how did you pay your fare?’

‘I took Mammy’s egg money.’

‘Sally!’ Kate cried. Philomena had full care of the hens on the farm and she sold the excess eggs. That was her personal money and she guarded it jealously. Though they all knew the cupboard she kept it in, no one would dream of touching it – till now.

‘That was stealing, Sally.’

‘Well, I wouldn’t have had to steal if I had been given a wage.’

Kate shook her head angrily. ‘No, you can’t get away with it like that, Sally. I bet you never even discussed getting any sort of wage for yourself, did you?’

‘She wouldn’t have agreed,’ Sally said mulishly. ‘You know what she’s like.’

‘You didn’t even try,’ Kate said. ‘So, you can’t be sure what Mammy would have done and Daddy might have supported you.’

‘He always sides with Mammy.’

‘No, he doesn’t,’ Kate said. ‘He did when we were small because he thought bringing up children was women’s work, as it is, but he was better with me when I had grown a bit, so I’m sure he would be the same with you. He’s very fair. Surely you should have tried to get them to see your point of view before you stole from your own parents?’

Sally was crying in earnest now but Kate had little sympathy for her. ‘And just how did you manage to walk out anyway, especially carrying a thumping great suitcase. I mean,’ she added sarcastically, ‘weren’t they the slightest bit curious?’

‘They weren’t there,’ Sally said. ‘Daddy and Uncle Padraic had been gone from early morning to Killybegs where they heard some farm equipment and animals were being sold after the death of the farmer.’

‘And where was Mammy?’

‘Helping at a birth. And James has been at school since September.’

‘And when you got here, Sally, what did you expect to happen?’ Kate asked.

‘I thought I might stay with you,’ Sally said.

‘And so you could if this had been planned properly and Mammy and Daddy had agreed and I had known in advance,’ Kate said. ‘Then I would have welcomed you for a week or two, because I would have some holidays due to me from work and I could have taken you out and about a bit. But I can’t do that at the drop of a hat. Like I said before, I’m a working girl.’

‘But they wouldn’t have let me come.’

‘Don’t talk nonsense.’

‘They wouldn’t,’ Sally maintained. ‘I heard Mammy say so last Sunday after Mass.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘She was talking to old Biddy Morrisey after Mass and she asked how you were and Mammy said you were well as far as she knew. Then Biddy sort of nodded over to me and said that I would be the next one on the boat to England and Mammy said I would not. She said I wouldn’t be let go, not even for a holiday, in case I didn’t come back.’ She looked up into her sister’s eyes and said, ‘And it wasn’t just something to say, you know. She meant every word.

‘And then yesterday she was yelling at me about something or other the whole time. I breathed a sigh of relief when she was sent for this morning, though she gave me a list of jobs to do before she left. All I could see was a lifetime of the same – living with Mammy and Daddy for ever, or if I should get married to one of those at home, all I would have to look forward to would be a lifetime of drudgery and a child every year. That has happened to lots of girls, as you well know, and I didn’t want it happening to me. I want to see and do other things. I felt quite stifled at home.’