Steven Adler - My Appetite for Destruction - Sex & Drugs & Guns ‘N’ Roses

With

Some names have been changed to protect their privacy.

HarperNon-Fiction

An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd. 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published in the USA by itbooks, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers This edition 2010

© 2010 Steven Adler with Lawrence J. Spagnola

Steven Adler asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

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Source ISBN: 9780007368464

Ebook Edition © AUGUST 2010 ISBN: 9780007368495

Version: 2017-05-02

To my grandmother “Big Lilly,” my grandfather “Stormin’ Norman,” and to my beloved wife, Carolina, whose love and support made this book possible.

To the millions of faithful Guns N’ Roses fans all over the world, I thank you for your eternal devotion.

Special thanks to:

the Adler family,

the Ferreira family,

the Hudson family,

the Canter family,

Steve Sprite,

Dr. Drew Pinsky,

Dr. Charles Sophy,

Bob Forrest,

Ronald “Ronnie My Boy” Schneider,

Chris Green,

Robert Espinoza,

James Vanderweilen, and

Brad Server.

And lastly to my dogs

Shadow, Midnight, and Chichi.

Their unconditional love saw me through.

Cover Page

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

AUTHOR’S NOTE

FOREWORD for the DUDES

1 TROUBLE from the START

2 GOING to CALIFORNIA

3 GROWING UP

4 LEARNING the HARD WAY

5 BUSTED DRUMS, BUSTED FACE, BUSTED

6 THE BIRTH of GUNS N’ ROSES

7 THE ORIGINAL LINEUP

8 GROWING PAINS

9 RULING the STRIP

10 GETTING IT ALL DOWN

11 BUILDING an APPETITE

12 TEARING IT UP on the ROAD

13 HANGING with the CRÜE

14 EVERYBODY OD TONIGHT!

15 TRAGEDY and CONTROVERSY

16 SHOOTING VIDEOS and HEROIN

17 MARRIAGE and DIVORCE

18 HIGH or DIE

19 ROCK BOTTOM. AGAIN.

20 HOW LOW CAN I GO?

21 NEW BAND and NEW LOVE

22 THUG LOVE

23 BACK from the ABYSS

Acknowledgments

About the Publisher

Oh my God, this is the highest I’ve ever been in my life. I can barely hold on. Sweat is pouring out of me, my eyes sting like hell, and my gut is jumping. I’m completely soaked, my arms and legs flail, my head shakes, and my heart is thumping out of my chest. I am flying, and I love it. I desperately want this feeling to go on forever. I’m Steven Adler, the drummer for Guns N’ Roses, and tonight we opened for the Rolling Stones. It’s October 18, 1989, and after a brutal but amazing journey, this should be the happiest moment in my life. But as we explode into our last song, “Paradise City,” I’m already terrified of leaving the stage and losing this incredible buzz. Just like the “pre-high” addicts get right after they score but before they use, I’m experiencing a devastating “pre-crash” and I fucking hate it. If only I could find some way to maintain this intense natural high, I would never need drugs, never want drugs again.

Guns N’ Roses gets a standing ovation, but as the Stones take the stage with “Start Me Up,” I’m already alone, tucked away in my trailer on the backstage lot with the door locked tight. Why? Because I’m the undisputed all-time booze-chugging, pill-gobbling, drug-shooting, Katrina-caliber fuckup. Throughout my wretched life there isn’t a friend, family member, or fantastic opportunity that I haven’t shoved into a blender and mutilated.

But people love train wrecks. They just can’t look away from the ODs, lawsuits, prison terms, rehabs, reality shows, meltdowns, and more ODs. So before one or all of the above happens again, I want to set the record straight. And I’m finally sober enough and angry enough to do it right.

While part of this comes from a deep desire to come clean with my family, friends, and fans, another part is fueled by an inner rage to represent. From Chuck Berry to Janis Joplin, from Hendrix to Cobain, many beloved, gifted musicians have had a lot of totally false, negative crap written about them. It turned them into bitter, reclusive artists and may have pushed some into an early grave. But I don’t need the media to bury me; I’ll do that on my own.

The bastards who write the lies about us do it because they think rock fans are gossip-starved, tabloid-trained morons who will swallow anything. They figure the more bullshit they pile up, the more fans will be eager to roll around in it. And they’re always sure they can get away with the most outrageous lies because they know if we hire a bunch of lawyers to go after them, they’ll just get more free publicity and rake in more cash. You’ve got to admire Carol Burnett, Kate Hudson, and others who brought suit, hung in there, and won judgments against these bloodsuckers.

The truth is I’m healthier and happier than I’ve been in twenty years and I refuse to be destroyed by all the negative news about Steven Adler. I’ve made it way too easy for these jerks to write me off as just another has-been junkie asshole.

And hey, I admit it. I am a has-been junkie asshole. But there’s a lot more to this drummer boy. With the help of Dr. Drew, and a lot of other dedicated professionals, I’ve begun to live again and love my family, friends, and music again. I know I’ve let them down, but that’s not going to stop me from trying to get back up and make things right.

Axl, Duff, Izzy, and Slash, I pray you’ll respect my desire to go on the record and tell everyone what actually happened. My goal here is to dig deep and, to the best of my knowledge, tell the whole truth and nothing but.

Now, that’s not to say those guys don’t recall different things, or things differently. But when it comes to writing about my life as a rock musician, Axl, Duff, Izzy, and Slash will be the first to tell you that I’ve been my own worst enemy. And I’ll be the first to agree. This isn’t about laying blame, it’s about accepting it. And in spite of all the fuckups I’ve had, the love is still there. A lot of it. I still love every one of those guys, and I hope they know it.