Sadly, I do. Secretly, Tom always blames her Italian blood for her hot head and jealous streak. I’m always grateful for Luke’s more laid-back approach to the past between Tom and me.
‘Anyway, enough of me. What about you?’ says Tom.
I pause, considering for a moment if I should feign innocence and claim I don’t know what he’s talking about. I dismiss the notion. Tom is all too aware of the significance of the date looming like a black cloud on the horizon. I give a sigh and blow out a breath.
‘Tricky week. Mum’s mood is dipping by the day. I was hoping the get-together at the weekend would perk her up a bit. She did try, bless her, but I could tell her heart wasn’t in it. Leonard was very good, he spent most of the afternoon fussing around her and she seemed to appreciate it.’
‘I meant you. I know what your mum’s like; it doesn’t get any easier for her.’ He takes a sip of his coffee before speaking again. ‘You, Clare, how are you? Are you sleeping okay? You look pretty tired.’
I give a half-hearted laugh. ‘Is that your way of saying I look like shit?’
‘Your words, not mine.’
‘If you must know, I’m not sleeping that great. This time of year always unsettles me. I’m never sure how I feel or how I should feel. Am I upset for Mum? For Alice? Or for me? Last night I was thinking, do I miss Alice or is she just missing? She’s been gone for so long now, her not being here is part of my life.’ I look out of the window, pausing for a moment. ‘You know we hired another detective firm earlier this year to try to trace her but, as usual, nothing.’
‘You wouldn’t think it would be so difficult to find someone today,’ says Tom. ‘A bit different when we were trying to find her.’
‘I suppose she could have a different surname. I mean, she’s in her early twenties, she could even be married. Perhaps she doesn’t want to be found.’
‘There is always that. Have you said as much to your mum?’
‘It’s been mentioned. Mum’s not stupid, but she doesn’t feel she can let it go until she knows one way or another. It’s just so hard to deal with the level of emotion swirling around at this time of year, it frightens me. I don’t know how to channel it.’
Tom’s phone rings. It’s an internal call.
‘Hello, Nina. Yes, she’s here,’ he glances up at me while he listens to the receptionist. I watch his face grow serious. ‘Okay, thanks … Hi, Luke, it’s Tom. I’ll just pass you over.’
He holds out the receiver to me. Luke never rings me at work. The rule is only in case of an emergency.
I snatch the phone from Tom’s hand. ‘Luke. What’s wrong? Is it the girls?’
‘No. The girls are fine,’ says Luke, but I can detect the unease in his voice. I brace myself. ‘Your mum is okay too,’ he says, as if anticipating my unspoken question. ‘Nothing bad has happened …’
‘What is it, then?’
‘Your mum’s had a bit of a shock. You need to come home.’
‘A shock? What do you mean?’ I look across the desk at Tom, as if he can somehow help.
He gestures to the phone. ‘Want me to speak to him?’
I shake my head. Luke is talking again. ‘Listen, Babe. Your mum’s received a letter.’ He pauses and I imagine him shifting uncomfortably on his feet. I can feel the tension through the phone line. ‘A letter … from Alice.’
‘Alice?’ I gulp for air.
‘Yep, Alice.’
‘Alice, as in my sister Alice?’
‘So it seems.’
‘Shit.’ I’m already rising to my feet; my legs feel like jelly and I reach out a hand to steady myself against the back of the chair. ‘I’ll be right there.’
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