Sarah K - The Secret Life of a Submissive

‘Very good,’ Max said. ‘It will get easier, I promise you, until in the end it’ll be second nature.’

I very much doubted that. I stood still – possibly the stillest I’ve ever been in adulthood – blindfolded, wondering what would come next.

‘So here we are at last,’ murmured Max.

He wasn’t alone in feeling that way and I wondered if he had any idea just how much I had agonized – once the giddiness of our first face-to-face meeting had evaporated – about whether to meet him again or just ring and call the whole thing off. I also wasn’t altogether sure how I felt about being punished for a made-up crime. I was heading into completely uncharted water here.

Since we had met for lunch Max and I had spoken every night on the phone.

I had no questions left – only a decision. He had sent me a contract the evening after our first meeting so that I might have a better idea of what to expect if I took it to the next stage. He had also mailed me a long list of book and film titles and links to websites, so that I could find out more about the reality of the lifestyle. But, as he said, he couldn’t make that final decision for me; nor would he attempt to coerce or force me into making it. I was always free to change my mind. If I was unsure about taking the next step it was better to walk away and take more time to think about it than to commit to something I was uncomfortable with – and it would be a commitment.

He was keen to impress on me that for him BDSM was not a joke. If I didn’t want to abide by the rules that was fine, but then he wasn’t the Dom for me. He also pointed out that once I had taken the step there was no going back. You couldn’t unknow something – and it had the potential to change my life and the way I looked at relationships for ever.

So not exactly a lightweight thing, then, I’d joked. This wasn’t quite what I’d imagined when I’d fantasized about being tied up and spanked.

For once Max didn’t laugh. ‘No, that’s true. It changes you,’ he said. ‘You need to bear that in mind before you go any further. And yes, it’s a game and in some ways it’s just role play, but getting involved in BDSM is not without consequences, and the effects and the pay-off are real.’

The contract itself had come as no great surprise. Contracts are common currency and typical for people involved in a BDSM relationship in fiction. I’d written them myself for several books, and the ones I had drawn up for my novels had been a good deal more extreme and a lot pervier. The difference, of course, was that this one wasn’t a work of fiction for some long-limbed, doe-eyed virgin. It was about me.

On this _th day of __________, 20 ___, I, ___________, hereafter referred to as the submissive, offer myself to Max _________, hereafter known as her Master, for His pleasure in a BDSM relationship defined in detail as follows.

The submissive understands that her Master is a strict Dominant, and that she is a willing submissive masochist to be used for His pleasure. The submissive expects and longs for the Domination of her Master and is willing to endure any punishments deemed appropriate by her Master. The submissive hereby grants permission to her Master to inflict any punishment that He may deem appropriate to the submissive totally for His enjoyment and the pleasure.

The submissive will refer to her Master as ‘Sir’ at all times when they are together, unless instructed to do otherwise.

The submissive will not speak until spoken to or given express permission to speak and will be respectful in her conversation and comments.

The submissive will be under her Master’s complete and total control and will immediately obey and comply with any order or instruction given to her with the full joy of knowing she is His property and His to use however He chooses.

If the submissive displeases or disobeys her Master in any way she expects to be punished in any way He so chooses, as necessary for her inappropriate actions.

The submissive also agrees not to make any change in her physical appearance without the prior approval of her Master.

The submissive agrees to full participation in any and all activities her Master desires as she does not know the extent of her limits with Him at this point and desires to learn how complete is her submission. These activities may include but not be confined to:

Bondage of short or long duration

Pain threshold

Nipple and other clamps

The use of toys

The use of any safe stimulation chosen by her Master

Any and all sexual activities that her Master may wish to partake in, which involve the total use of the submissive for His physical pleasure

In return for her complete compliance and obedience the submissive expects the following:

The right to use safe words or signals if she finds the play to go past her as yet unknown limits

That her Master and the submissive will have open and honest communication with each other so that she may learn her limits

The knowledge that her Master may reward her for good behaviour and compliance

Her Master will practise safe sex

Her Master will be responsible for the submissive’s safety during all play and ensure that no permanent harm or damage will befall her

Name:

Signed:

Safe words:

We had talked about a sex clause. Despite fancying Max and feeling an unmistakable chemistry between us, I wanted to wait a little while until we knew each other better before having full sex – which with hindsight seems crazy – but I thought it was telling, and certainly made me trust him more, that he’d put a line through it without comment.

We could reconsider it at a later date, he said.

I nodded, although I didn’t think either of us believed we would wait for long.

‘You know that this contract is complete nonsense, don’t you?’

‘Not if you believe in it,’ Max said calmly, picking up the pen and handing it to me.

I took another look. ‘Can’t we do what we’re going to do without this?’

‘No,’ said Max. ‘There are some things that you can pick and choose, Sarah, but this isn’t one of them. If you don’t sign it we don’t take the next step.’

‘But no one is going to enforce this.’

‘They don’t have to. It’s for our benefit. If you don’t trust me enough to sign it, Sarah, that’s fine, but we don’t play without it.’

I read it again. ‘You’re serious?’

‘Never more so.’

I was torn between frustration, amusement, annoyance and apprehension. If I signed it, it was a sign that I took all this seriously and that we were moving forward. Surely after I’d come this far it was what I wanted.

‘It’s mad,’ I said.

‘Possibly.’

I agonized. When it came right down to it, I realized I was also afraid. Afraid of him? Of me? It was hard to be specific.

‘You have to trust me. I’ll look after you and I promise not to do anything to you that you can’t cope with. I promise …’

And he was right: if we wanted to move this on, then I had to trust him. Looking back, I have no idea why I believed him, but I did.

The contract was currently sitting on my office desk, all signed and sealed. Even as I’d added my signature there was still a part of me that thought it didn’t really count and that, when you got right down to it, it was all completely crazy. I knew full well that in reality no one could hold me to a contract like this if I didn’t want to comply with the conditions.

As I passed the pen over to Max, as if reading my mind, he looked across at me and said, ‘Sarah, this contract is only as meaningful as you make it. I want you to understand that for me this isn’t some kind of joke. Have you read the list of hard limits that I sent you?’