Kate Thompson - The O’Hara Affair

On this, her first day, Bethany had been hanging out with a girl called Tara, who had also been cast as a lady’s maid. There was a lot of hanging about on a film set, Bethany had discovered. In fact, she had come to the conclusion that extra work was deadly dull. She hadn’t had a glimpse of a single star so far: all the principals were sequestered in their trailers. Not only that, extras were treated like cattle, with assistant directors herding them about and shouting at them: ADs were the most irritable people she’d ever come across. And a lot of the extras weren’t the pleasantest bunch to work with, either. Because she and Tara had nicer costumes than the other girls, the pair of them were subjected to a lot of resentful looks, like the girls who won the challenge in America’s Next Top Model.

But Bethany didn’t care. She remembered what Madame Tiresia had said about the girls at school – the ones who’d been jealous of her because they hadn’t the courage to dream. And now that she had plucked up the courage to chase that dream, here she was on her way to living it, even though it was proving to be boring.

Tara was a seasoned extra, having worked on the film for a couple of weeks now. She had learned about hitting marks, she had learned not to touch the lasagne at lunchtime, and she had learned to stave off the boredom with the help of her laptop. She had shared all of this arcane information with Bethany earlier that day, and now they were messing around on YouTube, looking at video clips of craziest cats.

‘What’s Shane Byrne like?’ Bethany asked, as Tara clicked on ‘Kittens Dancing to Jingle Bell Rock’.

‘Shane Byrne,’ Tara told her, ‘is a sweetie. He’s real friendly – a gentleman. You might see him later – he sometimes joins us for coffee on the bus.’

‘On the bus ? You’re kidding!’

‘It’s true. He’s not up himself, like the other stars, who wouldn’t be caught dead talking to a mere extra.’

‘He’s from around here originally, isn’t he?’

‘Galway. He had a fling years ago with the woman who’s doing the set-dressing, Río Kinsella. They had a son together.’

‘I remember reading about that in some online fanzine. It said something about a “love child” and a “tempestuous” affair. You can tell just by looking at him that he’s a bad boy, a bit like Johnny Depp, except that Johnny Depp—’

‘Shh!’ Tara stiffened suddenly. ‘Let’s change the subject.’

‘What’s – oh.’ Following the direction of Tara’s gaze, Bethany saw that Shane Byrne had just dropped into the seat behind her. He was accompanied by a man who was fingering a BlackBerry.

‘Hey! I’m bored with YouTube,’ said Tara, niftily changing tack. ‘Let’s have a wander around Second Life.’

‘What?’

‘Second Life. It’s another great way of passing the time when you’re hanging around waiting to be called.’

‘Is that the game where you pretend to be somebody else?’

‘Yeah. Except it’s not really a game. It’s more of a virtual world where you can interact with real people who are online at the same time.’

‘How does it work?’

‘You create an avatar who represents you – mine’s called Mitzy.’ Tara clicked on the Second Life icon, and waited for the site to download.

‘Wasn’t there something in the papers about a UK couple who divorced in real life after their avatars were unfaithful to each other on Second Life?’

‘Yes.’

‘Weird!’

‘That’s how seriously some people take it. That couple got married in Second Life before getting married in real life. And then, when she suspected him of having virtual sex with a Second Life lap dancer, she actually hired a virtual private detective to set up a honey trap. The funniest thing was that their avatars bore absolutely no resemblance to the way they looked in real life. In Second Life he was a six-foot-four love god, and she was a six-foot sex siren. Look – here’s Mitzy – isn’t she pretty?’

Bethany peered at the image that shimmered onto the screen of Tara’s notebook. A 3-D beauty with golden Rapunzel locks was standing poised on the step of a pagoda. She was wearing a fairy-tale ball gown, a glittering tiara, and ruby slippers.

‘Wow,’ said Bethany. ‘How did you make her?’

‘I chose a generic avatar, then customized her by changing her body shape and skin tone and hair, and shopping for outfits in the virtual mall. Look.’

Tara clicked a few times, and suddenly Mitzy was in a shopping mall, surrounded by other shoppers. These avatars ranged from the everyday – dressed in jeans and T-shirts – to the outlandish, in preposterous fancy dress. By pressing ←↑→and ↓ on the keyboard, Tara was able to move Mitzy in different directions. She promptly sent her off window-shopping.

‘Can you really buy this stuff?’ asked Bethany.

‘Yes – with virtual money called Linden dollars. You can buy anything you like here, be anyone you want to be.’

It was true. Those virtual Linden dollars could transform Mitzy into a cheer leader, a geisha or a trollop. She could be Scheherazade, Cleopatra, Pocahontas or Pink. The place was a virtual shopaholic’s dream.

‘It’s amazing!’ said Bethany. ‘Look – you can even get tattoos!’

‘And hair extensions. And nail art, if you could be arsed.’

‘Hey – look at that dude! The one with the floppy hair who looks like Johnny Depp.’

‘You really are into Johnny Depp?’ Tara asked her, with a wicked smile.

Bethany smiled back. ‘Big time.’

‘I’m more an Orlando Bloom gal myself.’

Tara walked Mitzy up to the avatar, whose nametag read ‘Silvius’. ‘Do you want to talk to him?’

‘How do you talk?’ asked Bethany.

‘You can use voice chat,’ Tara told her. ‘But I prefer instant messaging. Watch this’: Hello Silvius, she typed. I love your coat. Where did you get it?She pressed Return, and the words appeared on the screen.

Silvius seemed to hesitate, and then, perhaps impressed by Mitzy’s beauty and ruby slippers, the reply came back. Hello Mitzy. Ty. I got it in Kings Plaza Thanks, said Mitzy/Tara. I’ll go there straight away.

A couple more clicks, and suddenly the golden-haired avatar was standing in a department store where glam menswear and even more glamorous womenswear was on display.

‘I don’t understand,’ said Bethany. ‘Who creates these places?’

‘Members of the Second Life community. I find it a great way to chill. Loads of people say they’d rather get a real life than go on Second Life, but I’ve met some really cool people on here. Wait till you see this.’

Within seconds, Mitzy was standing in front of a Tudor building, courtesy of Teleport.

‘Where are we?’

‘It’s the Globe Theatre.’

‘Like – Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre?’

‘Yep. We’re on Shakespeare Island.’

‘I love it!’ said Bethany.

‘You can teleport to loads of places. You can even visit an Irish pub in Temple Bar.’

Abruptly, a real voice dragged them away from their virtual world. One of the ADs was standing at the top of the stairs. ‘There’s been a hitch, boys and girls,’ he announced, ‘and we’ve had to rejig. The interior’s been rescheduled for tomorrow. We’re moving on to the exterior.’

‘Bummer.’

Bethany and Tara drooped. The interior scene involved the staff of the Big House – including the ladies’ maids – while the exterior was all starving peasants begging the evil landlord for food. Since their scene was postponed they could have gone home, but they had no transport, and Lissamore was a six-mile walk away. They’d have to stay on until all the other extras had finished for the day so that they could board the coach together. More bloody hanging around.