M. Colette - Tell Me

M JANE COLETTE

A division of HarperCollins Publishers

www.harpercollins.co.uk

Mischief

An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

www.mischiefbooks.com

Copyright © M Jane Colette 2015

M Jane Colette asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

EBook Edition © 2015 ISBN: 9780008148737

Version: 2015–04–22

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Before

Day 1 – Maybe

Day 2 – Did she just?

Day 3 – Fuck Foreplay

Day 4 – Fatherhood

Day 5 – One night

Day 6 – Obsession

Interlude: She only belongs to those who take

Day 7 – I hate you

Day 8 – Too far

Day 9 – Jonesing

Day 10 – Thrice Broken Home

Day 11 – Unconditional

Day 12 – Depraved

Day 13 – Obligations

Day 14 – Do what you’re told

Day 15 – Spent

Day 16 – Perfect Trust

Day 17 – Interview for an affair

Interlude: Practice

Day 18 – I take good care of my possessions

Day 19 – Generous

Day 20 – Rage

Day 21 – Permission

Day 22 – Striptease

Interlude: I’ll let you play with her

Day 23 – Worst Christmas Ever

Day 24 – Six Hours

Day 25 – Evidence

Day 26 – Blame

Day 27 – Endurance

Day 28 – Utilitarian Sex

Day 29 – For you

Day 30 – Unresolutions

After

More from Mischief

About Mischief

About the Publisher

Jane:protagonist-narrator. 38. Married. Four children. Works from home erratically as a financial analyst. Analytical, realistic, rational, almost detached…until she gets that text from Matt.

Matt:hero/anti-hero in one. 41. Married. Childless. A lover from Jane’s past who re-enters her life and shakes its foundations.

Marie:Jane’s best friend. 39. Married. Two children. As emotional and volatile in her expressions and search for passion and romance as Jane is controlled and restrained. Actively and constantly searching for affairs; failing to consummate any of them.

Alex:Jane’s husband. 40. Lawyer. Workaholic. Good father. Affectionate but perhaps unexciting. Except to his young associate, whose texts he reads in the bathroom…

Lacey:Jane’s next-door neighbour. 53. Gorgeous, sexy, confident and loving. The only person Jane comes close to confiding in. In a twelve-year-long, on-again-off-again relationship with Clint.

Clint:Lacey’s lover and father of her ten-year-old son. Player. Engaged to Lacey, but still involved sexually with the mother of his other son, who becomes pregnant (by him? Or her other lover?) while Clint is wedding planning with Lacey.

Nicola:Marie and Jane’s friend. 40. Two children. In the middle of an acrimonious divorce from Paul, her husband of twelve years. Angry, resentful. But also…hungry.

Jesse:Jane and Nicola’s personal trainer. 26. Eye candy. Not very bright. Taken for granted by Jane. Coveted by Nicola.

Jane’s mother and father:In their 60s, spry and attractive. The tensions in their 43-year-old relationship, a defining feature of Jane’s childhood, reach a breaking point as Jane begins her mindfuck with Matt.

JP:Marie’s husband. 45. Lawyer. Works with Alex. ‘King of foreplay’, but otherwise thoroughly unsatisfactory.

Paul:Nicola’s husband. Referred to by Nicola and her friends as cheating rat-fuck bastard so often, Jane forgets what his name is…until he starts sexting with Marie.

Colleen:Nicola’s best friend. Long divorced. Appears intermittently in role of ‘Greek chorus’ to offer unconditional support to Nicola and vent against all cheating spouses.

Melanie-Susan-Shelley:Alex’s associate, whose name Jane refuses to remember. 28. Has a huge crush on Alex. Not sure how to deal with the fact he has a wife and children.

Craig:Married. 45. Attractive, restless. Minor character who enters Jane’s life and is passed on to Marie.

Alex’s mother, father and assorted stepmothers:Alex’s mother was ‘the first wife’, and she’s still not quite over the divorce. Neither is the second wife. The third wife wants to have a baby. His son desperately wishes he didn’t have any of his genes.

2001

Recovered from the exertions of your wedding night, lover? And the honeymoon?

—Fuck off.

Of course. Tell me next time you’re in Montreal.

—I will.

Good.

2002

Jane, what the fuck happened? What did I do? Tell me.

—Nothing. It’s not you. I have to be done.

Clarify.

—I can’t do this. I can’t be – his. Yours. And now the other. I can’t. I have to be done.

I don’t understand. But you know I won’t chase. I’m gone.

—Go. I’ll miss you. But please go.

Gone.

2002

Congratulations.

2004

Lover. Are you all right?

—I’m alive. Don’t fucking call me that.

2008

More new baby pics have made it my way. Congratulations, lover. You look happy.

—A) Don’t call me that. B) I am. C) Still an evolutionary dead end?

Is that an indirect way of telling me to fuck off?

—Yes.

Gone. I am happy for you. Truly.

2010

Love the new look. Hot.

—Yup.

Knowing you’re hot – also hot.

—Not for you.

Ouch.

2011

—Happy birthday and all that.

Thank you. Lover. How are you?

—Fine.

Will you come see me next time you’re in Montreal?

—I have four children. I don’t jet-set very much these days. Are you ever in YYC?

Rarely. But sometimes. Is that an invitation?

2012

I have a new client who will have me flying into YYC now and then. If that happens – will you see me?

—Maybe.

Maybe. That’s how it begins.

Monday, December 3

5 a.m.

Fuck. I close my eyes. Turn this way, that. Open them. 5.01 a.m. Well. This is productive. I get up – give the alarm clock a resentful stare. Go downstairs. Ponder making coffee – making that first pot is a sign of surrender to the morning, an admission that I will not go back to bed.

I make the coffee. Sullenly at first, then with just the slightest tinge of happiness as the grinder whirrs the beans. I breathe in its scent. And I listen to the quiet of the house – everyone’s still sleeping upstairs. I am awake and I am alone. I let go of the ‘why did I get up so early when I didn’t have to?’ resentment and relish the feeling of being. Awake. Alone.