Mary Baker - The Honey Trap

‘That’s my girl.’ Emily gave the auburn head a fond pat. ‘Don’t you think you deserve a night of hot slutty sexifying after your gajillion years of being a born-again virgin? Why beat yourself up about it? You had a great night, you got your end away, minds were blown, the end. Put it behind you and get on with the rest of your life.’

Angel gave the pretty, hazel-eyed girl an envious glance. Ever since Emily’s marriage had broken up three years ago, it seemed like she’d decided life was too short for insecurities and done just exactly what she liked.

‘It’s not that, Em. It’s him. Seb. He was so… oh, I don’t know. It’s like there was this connection, or he could read my mind or something. And on Monday it’ll be all over the bloody Investigator and he’ll hate me forever. God, it’s a horrible idea, him thinking I was just some call girl sent to set him up.’

‘God, is that all?’ Emily gave her ash-blonde curls a disapproving shake. ‘You’re being too sentimental, sweetie. That’s what comes of swearing off men for two years. As soon as you finally let yourself have a bit of fun, it has to be bloody true love or something. Look, who cares what he thinks? Okay, so he’s earth-moving in bed, hung like a stallion, buttocks like two boiled eggs in a hanky, can push your every button, whatever. That doesn’t change the fact he cheated on his wife. Nice guys don’t do that: trust me, I should know. Just be grateful he won’t be in any position to break your heart, unlike that poor cow he’s married to.’

‘I guess… I mean, I know you’re right, but…’

Emily took Angel’s face in her hands and looked straight into her face. ‘Listen, Ange. You’re too good for creeps like that. And no offence, but you’re not tough enough for them. Look what happened with Leo. He was a nice guy, issues aside, but you spent so many years trying to ‘save’ him you nearly ruined your own life. I can’t see that happen again. Not to my best friend. Just chalk it up to experience and move on.’

Angel managed a watery smile. She could always trust Emily to give her better advice than she gave herself.

‘What do you mean, not tough enough? Bet I could kick your arse.’

‘Yeah, and don’t I know it? Look, here’s Groucho come to cheer you up.’

The big black cat leapt into Angel’s lap with a plaintive mawk of greeting. He must be the only cat in the world who mawked instead of mewed. Angel tickled him behind one ear and he purred happily, pawing her with his claws in a way that was not doing her now very much worse-for-wear dress any favours.

‘And I hereby declare this Saturday night to be girls’ night, with enough wine and chocolate to drown all woes,’ Emily said, brandishing her box of tissues like a snotty Statue of Liberty. ‘No boys allowed except for you, Groucho, and maybe a Hemsworth brother or two if they care to beat down our door.’

‘Don’t you have a date with Danny the tattooed love god?’

‘Oh, forget him, I’ll ring up and cancel. You know the rules: sisters before misters. Tell you what, I’ll even let you watch one of your soppy old films.’

‘ The Apartment ?’

‘Alright, alright, if the last 500 times weren’t enough for you to have learnt all the words off by heart. We’ll get the duvet from your room, get into our PJs and “chillax”, as I believe all the cool kids are saying nowadays. You go run yourself a bath. Give me a few hours to finish what I’m working on, then I’ll phone the pizza guy and we can crack open the booze.’

Thank God for Emily. Angel had no idea how she’d cope without her, but she knew it wouldn’t be pretty.

***

Groucho’s mournful wails the next morning created a throb of searing white light in Angel’s brain. She clutched her temples and groaned.

‘Alright, mawky, just give me a second.’ She reached blearily for the packet of cat biscuits on top of the fridge and spilled a load into and around his food bowl. ‘You have to be gentle with Mummy today. Nasty Aunty Emily’s given her the mother of all hangovers.’

The black cat showed what he thought of this state of affairs by fixing her with an intent stare for a second before turning around and starting to wash his crotch.

‘Disgusting moggy,’ she muttered, tickling his neck as she pushed past him into the sitting room and plonked herself down on the sofa.

Empty wine glasses and pizza boxes littered the pine coffee table in front of her. She groaned and pushed away the stray slice of half-eaten pepperoni offending her tender morning-after nostrils. Bleurghh . It felt like a woolly mammoth had crawled into her mouth a couple of millennia ago and gone extinct.

Emily had popped round the corner to the newsagents to get a couple of cans of Coke and some Alka-Seltzer, tripping off brightly into the sunshine while her friend flung four-letter curses at her and her sodding alcohol tolerance.

The buzz of Angel’s mobile sounded from somewhere and she flung away the detritus on the table until she found where it was hidden under an empty Maltesers packet. Emily. Probably ringing to tell her there was no Alka-Seltzer. That would be just about par for the course this weekend.

‘Ange, it’s in!’ She sounded panicked.

‘In? What do you mean, in?’ Then realisation dawned. ‘God, already? But the story wasn’t supposed to break until tomorrow! Steve must have rushed it through last night for the Sunday edition.’ She let out a heavy groan. ‘Break it to me gently, Em: how bad is it?’

‘Um, I think you’d better see for yourself. I’ll be back in five… my flame-haired temptress.’ Angel could almost hear her friend smirking down the phone. She frowned. Flame-haired temptress? What details exactly did this exclusive include?

Emily burst breathless through the door a few minutes later and chucked her over a copy of the Investigator . ‘Sorry, Ange, I know it’s probably the last thing you want to see in your delicate state. At least your face is hidden in the photos though. Not even your best friend would know it was you, present company excepted.’ She grinned wickedly. ‘Looks like you had one helluva night…’

Angel’s heart pumped in her throat as she scanned the front page.

Not one of Steve’s best headline efforts. He’d gone with ‘Unreal Titty’ – a pun on the name of Wilchester’s first film, Unreal City – emblazoned across a woman’s naked back. Hers. She winced deeply. A sub-head read ‘EXCLUSIVE: married director in steamy romp with mystery girl’.

You could see Seb’s face, contorted with passion, over her shoulder as she straddled him on the bed. She felt a zing through her body, remembering the thrill of sitting astride him and guiding him down into the crisp white sheets, panting and wet after their bath together –

Hang on.

‘Shit! Shit shit shit!’

‘Oh come on, it’s not as bad as all that –’ Emily began.

‘No, you don’t get it!’ Angel groaned. ‘That shot – how did he get that? I hung a towel over the mirror! It must have fallen – that perve !’

Emily’s eyes widened as she caught on.