Rebecca Pugh - Down on Daffodil Lane

Maria watched Rob as he weaved through the tables, approaching the counter and the woman behind it with pure confidence. He walked like no one could stand in his way, which was such a huge contrast to the shrunken slouch she’d become. She used to be confident too. Not in an arrogant way, but in a way that ensured she felt good about herself. She’d been confident of everything, actually. But now? She felt like she wasn’t even a quarter of the woman she’d once been and it broke her heart even more.

A glass cabinet stood to one side of the counter, and the shelves within housed rows of deliciously moist slices of cake. She admired them from her seat. Behind the counter but reachable by the customers was a small fridge with packaged sandwiches and bottles of fruit juice and water. The walls were chocolate brown with delicate accents of plum, the colours working surprisingly well, Maria thought to herself, as she continued to look around. There was a small log-burner in the corner, although it wasn’t lit. She could imagine it made the place even cosier when crackling away during the colder months, with the lights turned low and the bitter frost shut outside.

Rob returned to the table. ‘Right. All done. Shouldn’t be too long. Drinks are being brought over in just a sec. So tell me, how have you been? It feels like it’s been ages since I last saw you. Well, it has been ages.’ He settled back in the chair, waiting to hear all about it. He looked good, Maria noticed. Skin glowing and clear, and his dark hair styled into place neatly. She remembered him as a gangly teenager, and it brought a smile to her lips. He’d gone through a phase of wearing a long, greasy fringe that partially covered his face, and a taste in music that had constantly made the walls of their childhood home vibrate. How he’d changed as he’d grown up. From that teenager Rob had grown into a young, smart man, and following that, a role-model husband and father. And the fringe was, thankfully, long gone.

It had been a while since they’d last spoken. Before she’d taken off for Loland Green with her suitcase packed, Maria hadn’t exactly been the most sociable of people and it hurt to think that she’d shut him and the rest of her family out. She’d never intended to do such a thing but at the time, she hadn’t been able to stop and make herself think about it properly. ‘I’m okay,’ she answered, avoiding eye contact, but it was no use. If she was hoping to make him believe that she was absolutely fine then she may as well have given up right there and then. Sighing, she turned her face towards the window, and it provided her with a perfect view of the street outside. She couldn’t help feeling that the cover Rob had managed to sort out at work in order to come and see her had been for nothing. He was a man on a mission, it seemed.

It had grown busy since they’d arrived. Parents ushered their children towards the school just around the corner, and people laden down with shopping bags from the supermarket further up the street hurried past, some with a friend beside them and some alone, busy and rushing to their next destination. It was nice, watching the place come to life like this. It made her feel as if she was part of it all again, life happening all around her.

‘Terrible,’ she admitted eventually.

Rob studied her with concern. There really was no point in lying to him. He knew her inside out, and even trying to lie would make her feel so very guilty. They’d always been close and he’d confided in her so many times, she couldn’t shut him out any longer.

‘I guess you could say I’m not coping very well,’ she added, realising that he was waiting for her to elaborate. It was the understatement of the century. She wasn’t coping at all. She felt like she’d lost whole months of her life somewhere along the way since it had all gone wrong. Days of darkness and sadness trailed out from behind her, like chunks of bread helping her to find her way home. She was too deep into the woods to return to the person she’d once been, and the reality of being divorced from the man she’d planned to spend the rest of her life with didn’t make sense to Maria. She felt like she’d suddenly swapped lives with someone else. One thing that constantly poked at her was the fact that she didn’t think she deserved this sort of pain. It was a childish thing to consider, but she’d been such a good person throughout her life. Always there for everyone else when they needed someone to confide in. A compliment that had been thrown her way many times was that she was a good listener. She was down to earth, happy and always full of good advice. But it seemed that now, when she most needed it, she was unable to help herself.

‘I didn’t think so.’ Rob waited patiently for her to continue, giving her the time she needed to properly explain how she felt.

‘I just don’t know what to do now.’ Maria shook her head. ‘Any future plans I had involved Mike, and now that I know he’s not going to be included in any of them, I feel lost. As if I suddenly have no direction in life. I’m so angry at him, Rob. So, so angry.’ She blinked away the tears that threatened to surface. It was a wonder she had any left, considering how often and how hard she’d cried recently. ‘I suppose most of all, I feel like an idiot. For being loyal, for worshipping the ground the stupid man walked on, and then to find out he was playing away with some bloody tart from work. It’s crushing.’

‘You’re not an idiot.’ Rob’s jaw was set. ‘You trusted the man you married, Maria. He made vows to you on your wedding day, vows which you believed he meant. Any woman would have done the same. He’s the idiot. Not you.’ He closed his eyes momentarily, and Maria wondered what was going through his mind right then. Was he angry too? She guessed he was. He and Mike had been good friends for a while, heading out to the pub for a pint and to watch the football every now and then.

Maria sighed. She certainly felt like an idiot. She’d never felt more stupid in her life. ‘You’re right. I know you are. I thought our marriage meant more to him than that, but clearly I was wrong. I want so desperately to stop thinking about him, about the why , but it’s so damn hard. I know I need to move on, to focus on me now. Being here is helping, and I’m grateful to Geraldine for letting me stay at the cottage. I don’t have to worry about bumping into him in the street, which is a relief. I was always terrified of that while I was back home. Can you imagine?’ A shiver wriggled its way up her spine. What would they have said to each other, she wondered? It would no doubt be awkward, an interaction involving mostly silence and not knowing where to put themselves. She’d much prefer to stay out of his way, to not put herself in that position at all, actually. The very thought of it was mortifying and she couldn’t promise herself that she wouldn’t crumble into a heap on the pavement and cry her heart out for all to see.

The divorce had been simple, if you could call the breakdown of a marriage simple. There’d been no need for solicitors to become involved, which she’d feared. A war in court was not how she’d wanted it to end. It had been efficient, and before she’d even known it, the papers were signed and they were free from each other.

There was a clatter on the table as their drinks were delivered then.

‘Here you are, folks. Sorry for the delay. I’ve managed to find myself in a bit of a pickle. My waitress walked out on me this morning, so it’s just me bumbling along at the moment. I’m Harriet, by the way. I should have introduced myself sooner.’

‘It’s no problem,’ Rob smiled handsomely. ‘In fact, there wasn’t a delay at all.’

‘Your breakfast shouldn’t be too far behind. I’ll pop it over once it’s ready.’