Michelle Betham - Final Score

She put a finger to his lips, shaking her head. ‘We shouldn’t, what? Follow our hearts?’

Was he really following his heart? Because this wasn’t exactly the direction he wanted it to go in. Not really.

‘Come on, Ryan. What happened to that hot, sexy player I used to know? The one who wouldn’t think twice about making his move, especially if someone’s holding it right there on a plate for him.’

That person felt like a lifetime ago for Ryan. ‘Have you got no self-respect?’

Ellen smiled, slipping a hand up under her dress and wriggling out of her knickers. ‘Just fuck me, Ryan.’

And who was he to argue?

*

‘I really do have to get back to Newcastle,’ Jim groaned as Amber slid back into bed beside him. ‘But when a beautiful, naked woman is lying right beside me, what am I supposed to do?’

‘Have some willpower?’

He laughed, pulling her against him, kissing her slowly. She tasted of mint and toothpaste, and a life he wanted. ‘I’m done with willpower. Maybe I want to give reckless and spontaneous a go.’

‘You’re the least spontaneous person I know, Jim.’

‘Yeah, well, times are changing, baby.’

She smiled, closing her eyes as his mouth lowered down onto hers again, and she held onto him tightly because she was truly scared to let him go. All the pain and the hurt of the past year wasn’t forgotten; it was still there, and she still felt it all with a fresh reality every time she looked at him. Even now, as they made plans for a brand-new future and the life they’d tried to make together for so long, she still felt that fear that she’d lose him again. She probably always would. She’d just have to learn to fight harder, that was all. To make sure she didn’t lose her grip quite so easily this time. To make sure she never gave him a reason to doubt them ever again.

‘So, we’re gonna do it, then?’ he asked, his forehead resting against hers, his thumb lightly stroking her cheek.

She nodded, laying her hand over his, their eyes locking, her stomach turning over and over with a mixture of nerves, fear and excitement. ‘Yeah. We’re gonna do it.’

He smiled, that wonderful, beautiful smile of his which lit up his face and made her fall in love with him a hundred times over. ‘Okay. I’ll call Gavin Kilpatrick at Endleigh this morning, and get the ball rolling. Then I’d better go and talk to the board at Newcastle Red Star. It won’t be pleasant, but it’s gone way past being just about football now. This is what I need to do. What we need to do.’

Amber felt her stomach flip over again as the reality of what they were doing hit home for her. This was really happening now. Her life was about to change all over again. But it wouldn’t just be her life that was changing; Ryan’s was going to change, too. Because, no matter how much Jim tried to tell her she wasn’t taking Rico away from him, she was. That was exactly what she was doing. Hundreds of miles would soon separate father and son, instead of the few that kept them apart now. Dropping in at any time to see his baby would cease to be something he could do, and Amber felt that guilt hit her head-on.

‘He has no say in this, Amber.’ It was almost as if Jim had read her mind.

‘Doesn’t he? Rico is his son, Jim.’

‘And nobody will ever stop him from seeing him. Nobody.’

Amber sighed, turning over onto her back, flinging one arm up above her head. ‘Nothing is ever simple, is it?’

‘Life would be pretty boring if it was.’

She closed her eyes again, as though blocking out everything she was going to have to deal with would just go away if there was nothing but blackness in front of her.

‘You do realise that you’re also taking on my child, and not just me, don’t you?’ she whispered, aware that his fingers were trailing lightly up her legs now, his breath warm on her cheek as he kissed her neck. ‘And you do realise that Rico comes first now. I love you, Jim, but you ceased to be the most important man in my life the second I gave birth to that little boy.’

He stopped what he was doing and Amber opened her eyes.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘What was it like? Giving birth, I mean.’

‘Painful. Next question.’

‘Was Ryan there? Was he with you, when it happened?’

‘Only just… look, do we have to talk about this? I don’t really want to…’

‘Did he see his son come into the world, Amber?’

‘Did you see yours? Were you there when Brandon was born?’

‘You know I wasn’t. And that was a completely different situation. There were no feelings involved, I didn’t love his mom…’

‘But you love your boy.’

‘You’re changing the subject, Amber.’

She reached up and gently touched his cheek, stroking his skin, her eyes staring deep into his. ‘This has nothing to do with us , Jim.’

‘You and Ryan, you shared one of the most special experiences two people could ever share. And that kills me, Amber.’

‘Do you regret it? Not being there when Brandon was born?’

He took her hand, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing it gently. ‘Now I do, yes. Which is why it hurts even more to know Ryan was there with you when Rico arrived.’

‘It still couldn’t make me love him the way I love you, Jim. Do you understand that? Yes, it was an incredible experience, but I would give up everything I have to have shared that experience with you . Not Ryan. Even through the most painful of contractions I wanted you there with me. You. Not Rico’s dad. I wanted you . The first alarm bell rang that night, Jim, drowning out everything else my head was trying to tell me. It rang out loud and clear; even when I was holding Ryan’s child in my arms, I wanted you .’

‘Jesus, Amber, we handled all this so fucking badly.’

‘Oh, baby, don’t cry. Don’t cry…’ She leaned over to gently kiss his tears away, tasting the salt, hating the way all the pain and the hurt still refused to go away.

‘He could have been my baby, if we’d just tried that little bit harder.’

She shook her head, her hand still resting against his cheek. ‘Don’t go back there, Jim. Please. Don’t go raking over the past. What happened, happened. And there isn’t a thing we can do to change it. All we can do is try to move forward and deal with all the problems and complications that are going to be thrown at us in the best way we can. And if we love each other, we can do that. We can do that, Jim. Together.’

He threw his head back for a second, and Amber watched as fresh tears fell from his eyes, her heart physically aching as everything he was feeling seemed to flood through into her.

‘I love you so much,’ she whispered, her voice faltering as she watched him almost fall apart in front of her. She’d never seen him like this before; never seen him so vulnerable, so real. But the pressure of keeping up that controlled and slightly harsh front was quite obviously becoming too much now.

He smiled and she wiped away yet more tears, sliding a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him down for another kiss, opening her legs to let him lie between. She needed to feel him close, to feel him against her before she had to let him go. Before he left her to start making the plans that would change their lives, plans that still scared her, but it was all she wanted now. A new life with the only man she could ever let herself love. And this time she wasn’t going to fight it.

‘I am so, so sorry, for everything,’ Jim whispered, his eyes staring deep into hers, and she gasped quietly as she felt him gently push inside her.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ she breathed, pulling her legs up around him. ‘None of it. It doesn’t matter.’ Maybe that was a little lie. Some of what had happened mattered a great deal, but right now she meant it. Right now it didn’t mean a thing. All that mattered was that he was with her, beside her, inside her. He loved her. And how badly had she wanted that only a few months ago? How badly had she wanted that, forever?