Kitty Neale - Forgotten Child

Delia looked stunned, her jaw agape; before departing the room too, Edward couldn’t stop himself from commenting, ‘Well, Delia, that didn’t go down quite as you expected.’

Jenny was still unable to process her thoughts into coherent order. She had no feelings of self. She wasn’t Jennifer Lavender, daughter of Edward and Delia, but instead her mother had been Irish, and her father unknown. There were so many questions tumbling around in her mind that she felt relieved in a way when the man she had thought of as her father knocked softly on her bedroom door.

‘I’m sorry, Jennifer. That must have been an awful shock for you.’

‘I…I don’t know who I am any more.’

‘You’re still the same person. You’re our little girl, and you’ll always be that.’

‘But I’m not. I…I’m some sort of distant cousin.’

‘No, Jennifer. When we adopted you, your mother and I became your parents.’

‘I’ve always known that Mummy…no, Delia…has never really loved me. I thought it was me, that I’m unlovable, but now…What was she like, Dad?’

‘Your mother had a difficult birth with Robin and it took her a long time to recover, but she was as keen as me to adopt you.’

‘I’m not talking about her. I meant my real mother.’

‘Oh, I see. Well, darling, I’m afraid there’s very little I can tell you. As I said, they were very distant relatives and I hadn’t seen them since my childhood. I…I never saw their daughter, Mary.’

Jenny felt a sudden pull to Ireland, a need to see what it was like, where her mother had lived. At that instant, she vowed that one day she’d go there.

‘What was her last name?’

‘Murphy. She was Mary Ann Murphy.’

‘It…it’s a lovely name, I like it. So my name should really be Jennifer Murphy.’

‘Oh, sweetheart, don’t say that. Your mother and I chose the name Jennifer, and as we legally adopted you, your name is Jennifer Lavender.’

‘You…you said that you were the only family she had left. Does that mean I haven’t got any relatives at all in Ireland? Isn’t there anyone who could tell me more about my real mother?’

‘I’m afraid not, darling.’

‘You also said she didn’t name my father, but I don’t understand. Why didn’t they know who he was? Why didn’t he claim me?’

There was a pause, a sigh, and then he said, ‘Jennifer, the home your mother was placed in was one for unmarried mothers.’

‘Unmarried!’ Jenny gasped. Earlier, when told that she was adopted, her mind had almost frozen, but now the truth sank in. ‘That…that means I…I’m a basta—’

‘Don’t say it,’ her father quickly interrupted. ‘We have no idea what Mary went through, how she ended up in such a place, but one thing I’m sure of – had she lived, your mother would have loved you very much.’

Tears came then and began to run unchecked down Jenny’s cheeks. She had never known a mother’s love. All she had ever known was rejection, a feeling of being unwanted and in the way. She felt the bed dip as her father sat down next to her, and though he wasn’t her real father Jenny had always felt close to him – always felt that at least he loved her. His arms reached out to her and, sobbing, Jenny fell into them.

Robin knew Jenny was upset, but he was over the moon at the news that she was adopted. Jenny wasn’t his sister, she was only a very distant cousin, and it meant that what he felt for her wasn’t wrong, incestuous or sick.

Relief had flooded through him when he had heard, but Robin could have kicked himself for allowing his pleasure to show. Was it any wonder that Jenny had looked stricken as she fled the room? Yet what followed her departure had left Robin stunned. His mother’s callousness had shocked him and the last thing he wanted was for Jenny to leave home. He just hoped that his threat to do the same would work.

Robin knew he had to speak to Jenny, to find an excuse for his behaviour. He couldn’t tell her the truth yet. It would shock her; maybe frighten her off, so for now he would have to tread softly.

It was some time before Robin came up with something that might sound convincing. The timing was a bit out but, hopefully, with the shock of what she’d been told, Jenny wouldn’t remember.

At last Robin heard his father going back downstairs. He went along to Jenny’s room, asking as he opened the door, ‘Can I come in?’

Her face was blotchy from crying, but thankfully she nodded.

‘Jenny, I know I looked pleased when Dad told us you’re adopted, but I think you got hold of the wrong end of the stick.’

‘You were pleased.’

‘No, Jenny. It was more relief than pleasure.’

‘Relief? Why?’

‘I’ve seen how unhappy Mother has been, heard the rows, and I thought Dad was going to tell us they’re getting a divorce.’

‘Yes, I thought the same at first. So you aren’t pleased that I’m adopted?’

‘Why should I be? After all, it won’t make any difference and doesn’t change anything. They’re legally as much your parents as they are mine and our lives will go on as normal.’

‘Yes, for you, but my life in this house has never been normal.’

‘I know Mother can be difficult,’ Robin placated, ‘but she suffers with her nerves, gets depressed, and you have to make allowances.’

‘Since you started college, you’ve been as bad, hardly speaking to me, shutting me out.’

‘Have I? I didn’t realise,’ Robin lied, unable to come up with a better excuse quickly enough. ‘I’ve been hard at it, Jenny, keen to get good exam results for university.’

‘If you say so. But please, my head is splitting and I want to be on my own for a while.’

‘All right, but if you need me I’ll be in my room,’ Robin said, hoping he had done enough to cover his behaviour.

Robin had always known his mother didn’t show Jenny much affection, and the fact that she was adopted now explained it. He was simply happy that he no longer had to think of Jenny as his sister, and went back to his studies with a smile on his face.

Delia’s mind was raging. Edward was right; Robin turning on her like that was indeed the last thing she’d expected. She and her son shared a special bond, one that didn’t include Jennifer, so why he had acted like that on the girl’s behalf was beyond her comprehension. She had planned this moment for so long, a time when she could finally get rid of Jennifer, but instead she now stood to lose her son too. No, no, that couldn’t happen. Yes, she would miss Robin when he went to university next year, but they wouldn’t have been estranged. He would come home every weekend and that would have fitted perfectly into her plans, but now…

Oh, that girl . As usual Jennifer had spoiled everything, forced her to rethink, and Delia began to quietly fume. She had to do something to bring Robin round…but what?

At last, though she was unhappy about it, by the time Edward had come back downstairs, Delia had decided what she had to do. If she didn’t want to lose Robin it was her only choice – but one day, no matter what, she would make Edward pay for this.

Jenny stayed in her room for over an hour, trying to come to terms with the fact that she’d been adopted. She would never think of Delia as her real mother again, but Jenny couldn’t feel the same about her father, and was deeply upset that she wasn’t really his daughter. Edward loved her, she was sure of it, really loved her, and though they were only distantly related, at least that was some kind of link.

She clutched her pillow, trying to imagine what her real mother had been like, what her own life would have been like had she lived. It was half an hour later when thirst drove Jenny out of her room, only to find that Robin was leaving his at the same time.