Kate Lawson - Keeping Mum

‘Really—well, sounds like fun,’ said Mike, politely.

‘Sounds way, way too Butlins to me. So what’s happening to the pooch, the puss and the old hacienda while you’re away?’ Rocco asked casually.

‘Kennels, cattery and most probably closing down for a few days. The boys are both at Uni at the moment—not that I’d ask them to come home and house-sit. They’d eat me out of house and home and leave the place wrecked. And Jacko’s busy—that’s a local guy who helps me out in the shop,’ she added for Mike’s benefit. ‘Besides, I need a break, and business is usually slow at this time of the year anyway. People will ring if they want anything special.’

She and Mike had already had the, So you’re an architect , how very interesting conversation, followed by the Rocco tells me you’re an interior designer section , to which Cass had added the actually these days I mostly restore and sell old furniture speech, so at least he was up to speed with her professional life.

‘And people will come back. I’ll put a sign in the window.’

‘How very twenty-first century…’ said Rocco, steepling his fingers. ‘We’ve been discussing this, haven’t we Nita? How about if we stepped into the breach for you?’

‘What do you mean? I wasn’t aware there was any breach?’ Cass said suspiciously.

‘Y’know, pick up the pinny, mind the fort,’ said Rocco.

‘Do you mean run the shop?’

Her mother and Rocco did some very slick synchronised nodding.

Cass stared at the pair of them. ‘ Because? ’

‘Actually, it would just be me during the day,’ said her mother apologetically. ‘Well, most days, and I couldn’t promise it would be every day, but we can look after the animals, can’t we Rocco? I’ve always wanted a cat. And Buster loves us.’

‘And while we’re at it, we wondered if we could maybe borrow your house as well.’

‘ Because? ’

‘Well, because first of all we can keep an eye on the place,’ said Nita. ‘I mean, you always have nice things there. V ery nice things, according to Rocco.’

Cass held tight to Rocco’s shifting gaze. He reddened.

Mike meanwhile looked backwards and forwards, as if he’d got good seats at centre court.

‘And this whole thing about having the roof off. I mean, we all know it’s going to be great when it’s done, French windows coming off the sitting room onto a roof terrace—great views. Mike’s done an amazing job with the plans, haven’t you Mike? I did tell you that we’ve got to have the roof off, didn’t I?’ Rocco said after a few seconds.

‘I think you may have mentioned it.’

‘Well, they’re going to take the old chimney stack down at the same time, and our builder has got a gap in his schedule and he said if we can stand the noise and the chaos he’ll come and do the roof before the bad weather sets in. I said to your mother that we should have had it done before we had the kitchen, really…’

‘I didn’t know how bad it was, did I? I mean I had no idea—really. I’m not a builder…’

Before they started a full-scale spat, Cass said, ‘Which would be in a couple of weeks’ time, would it? The roof coming off?’

Rocco, cornered, nodded. Mike was about to say something but Cass cut across him. ‘Which would make me being away convenient,’ she suggested.

‘The thing is Cass, we’re prepared to work round you, aren’t we, Rocco?’ said Nita, shovelling the last of the sautéed potatoes onto her plate.

‘They’re taking the roof off, not taking the house down,’ said Cass.

‘You know how much I hate noise,’ said her mother.

‘And dust,’ said Rocco. ‘I mean, can you imagine what it’s going to be like? Kango drills, brick rubble, hairy-arsed builders lolling on around sacks of cement reading the Sun . And you know your mum works from home. The studio is going to be knee deep in rubble.’

‘We were planning to just sheet everything down and move into a hotel or something.’

Rocco nodded in agreement. ‘That’s right, and we’ve booked industrial cleaners for when they’ve finished.’

Mike had the good sense to say nothing.

Cass shook her head. ‘You’ll need to get industrial cleaners in before you move into my place.’

‘That’s not true, sweetie,’ said her mum. ‘Your place is really lovely—so cosy. Rocco was telling me about the choir trip and said you were going to be away for the week. And we just thought—’

‘We wouldn’t be any trouble,’ said Rocco.

‘We thought we’d be doing you a favour.’

Cass looked from one to the other. ‘I should have known that there’s no such thing as a free lunch. This is a done deal, isn’t it? The pair of you have set me up.’

‘No, no of course not,’ Rocco said. ‘As if—think of it more as a happy coincidence, providence smiling on us all. Your mother has always fancied running a shop. What do you reckon then, sound like a good idea?’

‘I mean tell us honestly, what do you think?’ said Nita.

‘That my place is small and full of animals. And my shop is smaller and full of tut?’

‘Uh-huh, well we already know that. We’ve been round to your place before.’ Nita turned her attention to Mike. ‘It’s the most amazing place. A real Aladdin’s cave. You should go some time.’

‘Yes, but not to stay in,’ said Cass. ‘And not to have to deal with the vagaries of the plumbing or root through the fridge or see what I’ve got hidden at the back of the airing cupboard.’

‘Oh come on. You’re just being paranoid,’ said her mother.

‘And, besides, you could probably fit the whole of my house in your kitchen,’ protested Cass.

‘You can, we’ve already measured,’ said Nita. ‘But the good news is it’s not going to come as a surprise. And we love Buster and Mungo.’

‘And this way your shop stays open, and we get to stay sane, pootle through your warehouse and cherry-pick your stock,’ said Rocco.

Her mother got to her feet. ‘Take no notice of him, Cass. I promise you it’ll be fine. You can have a great, stress-free break and we get a dust-and jackhammer-free week. Now I’ve made the most fabulous pudding —strawberry shortcake. Would you like some pudding, Mike?’

He nodded. ‘Sounds great.’

Cass laughed. ‘Be very careful with these two, they lull you into a false sense of security with food and then bam—they’ll be moving in.’

Rocco handed her a clean side plate. ‘We’ll take that as a yes then, shall we?’

Did they really think she was going to be thrown off track by dessert? ‘What about if your roof’s not done by the time I get back from Cyprus?’

‘They’ve promised it will be, but if it isn’t then we’ll just move into a hotel for a day or two,’ said her mother.

Cass stared at the two of them, busy planning and plotting, and smiled. ‘And you’ll keep the shop open?’

‘Oh god, yes,’ said Rocco, waving the words away. ‘You know that your mum has always wanted to dabble in dealing and rag rolling. And I’ll be in and out, keeping the home fires burning, you’ll hardly know that we’ve been there—and besides places get damp when you don’t keep them aired. Especially this time of the year…’

‘And burgled,’ said her mother, sliding a huge plate of strawberry shortcake cut into thick wedges on the table between them. ‘Let’s not forget burgled.’

Mike picked up a cake slice. ‘Shall I be mother?’

Which was one amongst the many thoughts in Cass’s head as they waited for Ms Soprano to check the lyrics of a song they’d sung for the best part of three years and to pitch a note that she had hit every week since.