Kitty Neale - Lost Angel

‘Not me, but I can only speak for myself. I don’t know about the rest of the crew.’

‘You’d better not be unfaithful,’ Hilda warned.

‘I wouldn’t dare. You’d have my guts for garters,’ he said, then yawned widely. ‘Let’s hope I get a night of unbroken sleep for once.’

‘I dunno about that. I might just wake you for another bit of nooky.’

‘You’re insatiable,’ he said, grinning widely. ‘Oh, well, there’s nothing else for it. I’ll just have to wear you out now. That should stop your games.’

‘Ooh, yes, please,’ she said cheekily, yet as Doug bent to kiss her, Hilda felt another surge of sadness. With Ellen diving in on them every morning, this would probably be the last time they could make love – the last time she would be totally alone with her husband – and now she struggled against tears.

In the early hours of the morning, Gertie was still awake too. She could hear the noise coming from Hilda’s room. Every night had been the same, while Gertie lay with her stomach churning, longing for it to stop. At least it was the last night, she thought, and Doug would be gone in the morning.

Maybe, just maybe, now that Doug had planted the seed of the idea, Hilda might actually turn to her; after all, a woman without a man must grow frustrated. You’re a fool, an idiot, Gertie told herself as she turned over to thump her pillow. Hilda was normal and would never be attracted to someone of the same sex. But I’m not – I’m not! Gertie cried inwardly. In my mind I’m a man, yet cursed with this body of a woman.

At last, after a restless few hours’ sleep, Gertie woke early, pleased to find that Ellen was no longer beside her in bed. She smiled. Good. The girl had probably gone to her parents’ room and that would put paid to any more lovemaking.

It was over. Doug was going, and she couldn’t wait to see the back of him. Hilda would be upset, devastated, but after that they’d get back to normal – just the three of them, living like a family again.

Ellen could barely eat her breakfast as she sat across from her father. Gertie was the only one who looked cheerful, which made a change because out of sight of her parents, Gertie had been moody and snappy. Ellen had hated sleeping in her bed again, but if it meant her dad could stay, she’d do it for ever.

When her dad stood up, Ellen felt the tears welling and was unable to stifle a sob. She flung back her chair, rushing to him, her arms wrapping tightly around his waist. ‘Do you have to go, Dad? Can’t you stay?’

‘There’s nothing I’d like more, but if I don’t go back I’d be a deserter.’

‘What’s a deserter?’

‘Someone who runs away, who doesn’t go back on duty when their leave’s over.’

‘You could do that, Dad,’ she said excitedly.

‘If I did, I’d be named a coward and end up in prison. Never mind, pumpkin. This war won’t go on for ever, and when it’s over I’ll be home for good.’

‘Oh, Dad … I still wish you could stay here now.’

He held her close for a moment, stroked her hair, but then gently moved away. ‘Me too, but sorry, pumpkin, I’ve got to pop upstairs to get my kit.’

‘I’ll come with you,’ Ellen cried, unwilling to let him out of her sight.

‘No, stay there. I won’t be a minute,’ he croaked, quickly heading for the stairs.

‘Listen, Ellen, I know it’s hard, but somehow we’ve got to be brave for your dad’s sake. He’s upset, too, so let’s see if we can send him off with smiles.’

‘I … I’ll try.’

‘That’s my girl.’

Her dad appeared again, kitbag slung over his shoulder. ‘Right, all set?’

‘Ned’s harnessed, so let’s go,’ said Gertie.

‘It’s good of you to take me to the station.’

‘Oh, it’s my pleasure.’

‘Right then, my lovely girls, time to go.’

‘Girl, huh, I wish I was.’

‘You’ll always be my girl, Hilda, even when you’re old and grey.’

‘I’d better be,’ she warned.

Gertie marched ahead of them out of the door and swung up onto the cart. ‘There isn’t room for all three of you up here. Perhaps you should sit on the back, Doug.’

‘I’m sure we’ll manage with Ellen on my lap,’ he said.

Ellen thought Gertie looked angry, but then her expression rapidly changed. With a shrug of her shoulders, she said, ‘OK, Doug, whatever you say.’

Ellen settled onto her dad’s lap, his arms tight around her. As they set off, she wished the journey could go on for ever, that they’d never reach the station; but if anything, Gertie seemed to be urging the horse to a faster pace than usual.

When they arrived in Crewkerne, Hilda fought to keep her composure, but inside she felt as though her heart was breaking. She wanted the train to be late, anything to stop Doug’s departure, but when they got to the platform it was already drawing in. She cursed Gertie, wishing the bloody woman hadn’t been in such an all-fired hurry to get here. Poor Ned had looked almost on the point of collapse by the time Gertie had drawn the cart to a halt. If the journey had taken longer, Doug would have missed this one and had to wait for the next. It might have taken hours, perhaps giving them time to walk around Crewkerne, to explore the town together; but instead it would be a hurried goodbye.

Steam hissed, engulfing part of the platform, as Doug said, ‘Gertie timed that right.’

Few people had got off the train and Hilda could see that the female guard was about to blow her whistle, her arm up and waiting to signal the train’s departure.

‘Bye, pumpkin,’ Doug croaked, quickly hugging Ellen.

Hilda then found herself crushed against him, and fighting tears she said, ‘I love you, Doug. I’ll always love you.’

The whistle sounded now, Doug’s voice strangled in his throat as he let her go to pick up his kitbag. ‘I love you too – both of you,’ and then he had to dive into the nearest carriage, only able to pull down the window to blow them a kiss before the train pulled away.

Hilda would never know how she managed it, her heart swelling with love for her daughter when she saw that Ellen, too, was somehow smiling as they waved him off.

They remained where they were, both still with fixed smiles on their faces and waving until the train went out of sight. Only then did Ellen turn to fling herself into Hilda’s arms.

‘Ned needs a bit of a rest,’ Gertie said innocently as they at last went outside, ‘but wasn’t it good that I managed to get Doug here in time to catch that train?’

Hilda was too upset to speak, but this was the final straw. She’d had enough. No matter what, she and Ellen were going back to London.

Just a few days after Doug left, Ellen went down with an awful cold that turned to a raging fever, and two days later she passed it on to Gertie.

Hilda was run ragged as she nursed them both, along with seeing to the chickens, pigs and the goat. Bertie was contented once he’d been fed and would lie on Gertie’s bed, and the cats were happy and off out as soon as they finished the food in their bowls but Hilda became seriously worried as Ellen and Gertie’s temperatures fluctuated – one minute they were hot, the next cold. Tiredly she went into Gertie’s room.

‘I’m thirsty and my head’s splitting,’ Gertie moaned.

‘Somehow I’m going to have to go into the village. You both need to be seen by a doctor.’

‘Waste of time. He’s at least eighty,’ she said, then bent double with coughing before she croaked, ‘See how we are in a couple of days.’

Hilda rubbed her eyes. They’d been like this for over a week now and she was now feeling a bit rough herself. Maybe Gertie was right, maybe there would be an improvement soon. ‘All right, but if Ellen gets any worse, no matter what, I want her seen by the doctor.’