David Nobbs - Obstacles to Young Love

They meet thatched boats coming upstream, heavily laden, mainly with bananas. People in canoes are hauling in their nets. And all the while there is the rainforest on both banks, punctuated by small villages of thatched houses on stilts. One village looks very much like another. One house looks very much like another. One stilt looks very much like another.

‘I told you,’ says the travel agent. ‘It is a very boring river.’

‘And how very brown it is. How very, very brown,’ says Naomi in a Noel Coward voice.

There is a question she has to ask of the German.

‘You say Iquitos is boring. You say the Amazon’s boring. You say the first jungle lodge is boring. Why are you here?’

He snorts like a horse approaching a jump which frightens it.

‘For research for my clients. My clients demand these places. They are cowards.’

They see two large kingfishers. How beautiful they are. Simon, give him credit, loves birds. She points to them, and he smiles and squeezes her arm. Maybe things will still be all right. She certainly doesn’t want Julian to be proved right. It’s his hobby.

‘Beautiful,’ he murmurs.

Yes. Beautiful. But Maggie is so ugly. How can Timothy possibly fancy somebody so ugly?

A lady with a bright pink parasol rides in a canoe towards the green grass and well-tended fields of yet another thatched village. She carries more of an aura of Henley than of the jungle.

Ugly is putting it far too strongly. She has to admit that. The nose is a little too wide, but not horrendously so. The lips, though on the thick side, are reasonably shapely. Some people probably find bushy eyebrows attractive.

Maggie’s skin, though white and lifeless, is not much marked. Except for the mole on the right cheek, of course. But the mole is really quite small and it’s only when the sun strikes it that you can see the two thin hairs that are attached to it. Naomi turns now, and sees them in the sunshine. No, to her regret, they aren’t horrendous.

She is appalled by her feelings. What sort of woman is she?

A big diving bird with a white head and a long, forked tail is hunting for food. Vultures and large hawks wheel slowly overhead. They see a small tern with a black head, birds like sand martins, birds like sooty chubby swallows.

Simon shakes his head. ‘If only we’d brought a bird book.’

‘Never mind. They’re lovely.’

They kiss. It becomes quite a long kiss. Their tongues are two snakes mating.

Naomi turns round, hoping that Timothy and Maggie will have seen, but they are busy looking out over the water and Maggie is making notes. Only the travel agent has noticed, and he looks very wistful.

‘Maggie?’ asks Naomi, feeling strange to be actually talking to her and addressing her by name.

‘Yes?’

‘Can you identify any of these birds?’

‘Sorry? What birds?’

How could a taxidermist fall for a girl who didn’t like birds? Maybe taxidermists only like dead birds. Naomi is comforted by this thought.

No, Simon is great. What does it matter if he isn’t interested in the registrations of ships? They will watch birds together, jog together, do yoga together, do Pilates together, ride bicycles together, use rowing machines together, make babies together. Life will be good.

Babies? Where did that thought come from? How would that square up with her career?

They swing round to nose upstream to a little landing stage. They step out into a Turkish bath, and walk slowly to the thatched lodge.

The five of them go for lunch in the large, thatched dining room, which seats a hundred. They had assumed that they would be joining other visitors, but they are the only five.

‘I suppose…er…maybe the four of us should share a table,’ suggests Timothy.

‘It would be awfully British not to,’ says Naomi.

‘I think we have to, really,’ says Maggie.

What a charming way of putting things she has, thinks Naomi.

The travel agent has gone straight to another table and is already sitting down. He is immaculate in shorts and sneakers.

‘What about the Kraut?’ hisses Simon.

Naomi glares at him.

‘He looks happy enough,’ she whispers.

‘I suspect he’s a bit of a bore,’ whispers Timothy.

That’s rich from someone married to Maggie, thinks Naomi.

The German is aware of what they are hissing and whispering. They might just as well have talked normally.

‘No, I am fine,’ he says. ‘I am used to my own company. You will have much to catch up on.’

It’s a buffet lunch, with fried fish, fried rice, spicy kidney beans, French beans, tomato and avocado.

‘So, how are things, Naomi?’ asks Timothy.

‘Yes, fine. Really good, thanks. Yes, really good. Simon and I got married eight months ago. He runs the gym where I go.’

‘Oh. So you’ll both be pretty fit.’

Naomi reminds herself that Timothy was never known for his sparkling repartee.

‘Things didn’t work out with Steven then?’

‘No. You were right. He isn’t very nice.’

‘And how about work?’

‘Well, I’ve only just left drama school, but I’ve got my first job.’

‘Great!’

She realises that his enthusiasm is utterly genuine.

‘We go into rehearsal the first day back.’

‘Oh, I’m thrilled for you.’ The sullen look leaves his face and he smiles with boyish excitement. Naomi had forgotten how handsome he was.

‘Yes, that’s really good news,’ says Maggie, and Naomi has to admit to herself that she sounds pretty genuine too.

‘So what’s the part?’ asks Timothy. ‘Not Juliet?’

‘No. Sadly I have to learn my lines. It’s an Ayckbourn play.’

‘A what?’

‘You must have heard of Alan Ayckbourn, Timothy. He writes comedies. He’s very famous and very good.’

‘I’ve heard of him, of course,’ says Maggie. Naomi puts the ‘of course’ into the debit column of her newly opened mental ‘Is Maggie nice?’ ledger. ‘But I’m afraid we’re really rather serious in our theatrical tastes.’ Debit. ‘I wish I’d seen your Juliet. People still talk about it.’ Credit. No, double credit.

‘This food’s good, isn’t it?’ says Simon, just so as not to be left out really.

‘I suppose it is,’ says Maggie. ‘I’m afraid I’m one of those people who get talking and thinking and forget to taste what they’ve eaten and suddenly find it’s all gone and wish they’d concentrated on it a bit more.’ Debit. ‘But it’s difficult. I have a lot of responsibilities in my life.’ Debit. They’re piling up.

‘Maggie teaches RE at Coningsfield Grammar.’ Debit. Massive debit. Oh, Timothy, you should have gone for somebody who brings light into your shady life. No. Don’t think like that. He’s happy. He’s in love. It’s touching to see. Fucking irritating as well, though.

‘Food’s good, isn’t it,’ Simon calls out to the travel agent, in the hope that he won’t feel left out. Naomi is pleased. It reminds her that there are pleasant sides to his personality.

‘Very palatable. Did you know that until fifteen years ago, Peru was a net exporter of rice. Now it imports. Why? Because the Velasques government broke up the haciendas and gave the land to the peasants. When it’s theirs, they don’t expect to get their fingers dirty any more.’

They are glad they didn’t invite him to join them, on the whole.

‘So, how about you, Timothy? How’s the taxidermy going?’ asks Naomi.

‘Oh, very well. Very well. Dad’s leaving it to me more and more.’

‘How is he?’

‘Oh, he’s very well, but his eyesight’s failing.’

‘Give him my best wishes.’

‘I will. He’ll be pleased. He really liked you. He was…’ Timothy stops. Naomi knows he was going to say that his father was upset they split up. So does Maggie. ‘He really likes you too, of course, Maggie,’ continues Timothy unwisely. He turns to Naomi. ‘The first day back will be exciting for both of us. You’ll be meeting all the other actors and rehearsing for your play. I’ll be going to Kilmarnock Zoo to collect a tiger that lost its will to live.’