Linda Phillips - Old Dogs, New Tricks

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The second novel by the author of Puppies are for Life, is another light-hearted comedy of manners. Following a change in her husband’s career, Marjorie Benson suddenly finds that she has to uproot herself in mid-life and start afresh.Marjorie Benson is a product of her generation. Born in the Forties with few educational qualifications she was raised to be a wife and mother only.She is married to ‘old dog’ Phil, a marketing director who fancies himself as much as he is fancied by many other women. Just when Marjorie is starting to take control of her life, secretly poised to take over the running of her father-in-law’s shops, Phil is offered a new job which means they must uproot and relocate to Bristol.Thwarted in her attempts at starting a proper career for the first time in her life and furious when Phil starts an affair in Bristol, Marjorie decides that it is time for revenge…

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To her surprise, the first agency to which her mother accompanied her accepted her without hesitation. The agent could hardly believe her luck as she eyed Jade up and down. It wasn’t every day that a girl of this calibre walked in off the street. She promised Jade great things and apparently knew what she was talking about. By the end of Jade’s first year, work was flooding in at such a rate that she could pick and choose what she did.

Someone suggested she ought to apply to a bigger agency in London, and soon after taking that advice Jade found herself smiling from the covers of increasingly glossy magazines. There was talk of the big fashion shows – London, Paris and New York.

She knew she wasn’t happy with what she was doing but she threw herself into the work, telling herself all the time how lucky she was. Her mother kept telling her, too. Millions of girls would give anything to be in her shoes, she was constantly reminded, and just think of the money she was making! Jade, though feeling trapped, could only agree. She found it impossible to call a halt. With so little time to stop and take stock of herself she couldn’t plan what she wanted to do next.

Time ticked on and Jade did nothing to alter the course of events, but after three years of hectic schedules and living out of suitcases she began, to her mother’s chagrin, to make real noises of discontent. Jade questioned what they were doing, fell into gloomy silences and continually dragged her heels.

During one particular scramble behind the scenes she found herself in a space that would have confounded a pixie, having to wriggle out of one complicated and – in her opinion – ghastly outfit, into another equally hideous creation, and emerge looking beautifully immaculate. Inside she was screaming with frustration. This, she decided, was ridiculous; this was not the way she wanted to spend one more minute of her life.

‘It’s degrading, superficial and monotonous,’ she told her mother later. ‘A nonsensical way to live. In fact it isn’t life at all. And what will I do when my looks fade? What shall I have to fall back on?’

Besides, she didn’t like the way ‘normal’ people regarded her – like some kind of mindless freak. Especially men. To them she was so much meat and didn’t have a brain, whereas in reality she knew she was bright and intelligent.

‘I’ve decided to jack it all in,’ she’d announced, wiping off her make-up for the last time. ‘I’m going to do something in law.’

Oliver had been standing in the tall bay window overlooking the street, his thoughts presumably still on money. ‘Perhaps, we should come back here to eat after we’ve been to the club,’ he suggested. ‘Is there anything left in the fridge?’

Jade made a face in the mirror. ‘Even if there is I don’t feel like cooking it. I’ll feel even less like it after advanced aerobics.’

‘But –’ Oliver got no further. Down in the street a dark green van had been cruising backwards and forwards along the crescent. Now, having abandoned hope of finding a parking space the driver stopped in the middle of the road, jumped out and began to unload large flat packs of frozen food. Oliver read the words Gardiner’s Gourmet Foods

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