Литагент HarperCollins - The Grand Tour Guide to the World

Thankfully everything went to plan and the sequence played out just as it had appeared in Jeremy’s head, back when he first randomly found an old song on his phone.

TITLE SEQUENCE CAR LIST

When planning the massive opening sequence for the start of a brand new television show, it’s important to have certain things. An epic desert location. A stage upon which a band can perform a classic and catchy song. A fast Mustang for each of your presenters. But it’s also a good idea to have other cars. Lots of other cars. Lots and lots of other cars. So that’s what we did. These are they…

Alfa Romeo 4C, Arctic Cat Wildcat X, Ariel Nomad, Aston Martin V8 Vantage S, Audi R8, Baja Jeep, Bentley Continental GT V8 S, BMW i8, BMW M5, Cadillac CTS-V, Cadillac CT6, Class I Baja buggy, Dodge Challenger Hellcat, Ford F-150 Raptor, Ford F-150 sand rail, Ford F-450, Ford Focus RS, Ford Ranger off-road truck, Freightliner Pikes Peak, Jaguar F-Type SVR, Jeep Crew Chief 715, Jeep FC-150, Lamborghini Aventador SV, Lotus Elise, Mazda Miata Super20, Mercedes-AMG GT S, Mercedes G65 AMG, Mitsubishi Evo X Battlecar, Morgan 3-wheeler, Morgan Roadster, Need for Speed Porsche 911 Widebody, Nissan GT-R, Porsche 911 Carrera, Rolls-Royce Ascot Tourer, Vuhl 05, and the off-road Dodge Charger, Fast Attack Buggy and Plymouth Road Runner from the Fast & Furious movies. In case you’re interested, the presenters’ cars were: Jeremy: Galpin Fisker Ford Mustang Rocket; Richard: Ford Mustang Shelby GT350R; James: Roush Stage 3 Mustang. Oh, and the planes were Aero L-39C Albatrosses flown by the Breitling Jet Team.

3 MINUTES WITH …

JEREMY CLARKSON

A rapid-fire Q&A with the former local newspaper journalist turned Grand Tour presenter

HELLO, JEREMY.

Yes, yes, yes, hello. Have you seen my reading glasses?

Aren’t they –

This is literally the millionth pair I’ve lost. Where do they all go? It’s James, isn’t it. James is stealing them. He’s a thief, you know.

But I think they’re –

It’s literally impossible for any human being to keep a pair of glasses for more than 10 seconds and I’ve realised this is literally all the fault of James May.

They’re on your head.

Most things in life are, when you get down to it, the fault of James May. War, pestilence, disease, being unable to find the place where they keep the teaspoons in someone else’s kitchen – all May’s fault in some way or other that we’ve yet to fathom. I know I’m right on this one.

Yes, but in this case your reading glasses are on your head.

What?

They’re on your head.

Yes, I knew that.

So, first question …

Yes, he is.

What?

Yes, he is. James May. Is he a thief? Yes, he is. I assume that was going to be your first question. Is James May …

Um, Richard Hammond …

What? Is James May Richard Hammond? What a stupid question. Did you go to journalism college?

No, the first question was going to be, ‘Richard Hammond: can you describe him in three words?’

Can they be swear words?

Not really.

No.

I’m sorry?

My answer is no. Can I describe Richard Hammond in three words? If they can’t be swear words then, no, I can’t. Literally impossible.

Oh. What about James May?

No, I imagine he wouldn’t be able to either.

No, I mean, can you describe James Ma-

Oh for God’s sake, where are my glasses?

You’ve put them back on your hea-

May! MAY!

Jeremy leaves the room. From the office next door there is some shouting. Jeremy returns to the room.

He says he hasn’t taken them, but I know he has. A thief. A common thief, that’s what he is. Right, what were you saying?

Well …

From outside there is a protracted clattering sound.

What was that?

Don’t worry, it was probably just Hammond falling down the stairs.

Falling down the stairs?

Yes, he does it all the time. Nothing to worry about.

Are you sure?

No, but I can’t be bothered to get up again.

Oh, okay. Um, shall we get back to the questions?

Okay, to answer your question, yes, Richard Hammond is a type of swear word. At least, he is in this room. I’ll give you an example of what Richard Hammond means in this room: ‘Oh no, I’ve just stepped in a Hammond.’ By which I mean, ‘dog turd’.

Why would there be a dog turd in this room?

An actual dog turd, or Richard Hammond?

No, I … never mind. Next question, can you sum up The Grand Tour in three words?

Yes. ‘The’. ‘Grand’. And ‘Tour’. It’s already three words. You’re really not paying attention, are you?

Well, it was more of an abstract question.

I literally don’t know what you mean. Literally. You’re just wasting time.

Speaking of which, I think our time is up.

Good, because I need to find my glasses. I put them somewhere safe.

They’re on your head.

Yes, I know. Now please go away.

MOTORING FACTS

FROM AROUND THE WORLD

IN ITALY A DRIVER MUST KEEP AT LEAST ONE HAND ON THE WHEEL AT ALL TIMES, UNLESS EATING A HOT MEAL.

In Senegal you must have a hat in your car at all times, although not for the normal reasons.

In Uzbekistan it is illegal to run over your mother, unless it is a weekday.

If you stop at a T-junction in northern Sweden you must remember to shout ‘BRONCO!’ out of your car window.

When driving in New Zealand, don’t forget your Car Jennifer. If you don’t know what a Car Jennifer is, ask a Police Peter.

In the Chinese province of Ped Xing it is illegal to touch the steering wheel.

In Norway every extra horsepower over 100 is taxed at a rate of two horsepower. As a consequence, the Norwegian-market Ferrari 488 has minus 1100 horsepower.

The actor Daniel Day-Lewis always encounters problems when visiting Indonesia as his name literally translates as ‘Call me a taxi’.