Vera Peiffer - Positive Thinking - Everything you have always known about positive thinking but were afraid to put into practice

Note: The quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your life.

You really and truly are what you think. Consider the following situation. It is 7.30 a.m. You have just woken up. As you begin to open your eyes, your conscious mind slowly moves into gear and you begin to think about the day that lies in front of you. You think about a meeting you will have to attend in the morning where you have to concede that you were unable to solve a particularly urgent problem, and, on top of this, you will have to confront a troublesome customer in the afternoon. It is still 7.30 in the morning. Nothing has actually happened yet, but you are already in a bad mood.

I can hear loud cries of protest now of, ‘I would like to see you in my place, having to face that crowd of uncooperative half-wits!’, or, ‘If you’re so clever why don’t you come and try to deal with my customer! He does nothing but shout all the time!’, and so on. But, just a minute. I’m not denying that the meeting is difficult and your customer an awkward person, but what I am saying is that you will not do yourself any favours by being in a bad mood on top of all that, because that only makes things more difficult.

If you are in a bad mood, you are simply not at your best. You are tense, irritable and, therefore, out of control. You cannot concentrate, you are frightened and you feel panicky. And, of course, the story does not end there. Because you are in a bad mood, you may be particularly monosyllabic or grumpy at breakfast, which is not going to endear you to the family. You will be a touch unfriendly with your colleagues at work who, in turn, will possibly comment on your mood and that will really get your back up (‘Why don’t they mind their own business?’) – and then the meeting is postponed until next week. This is possibly the worst thing that could happen, because it means that you will have another week’s worrying to do until it is finally over. Or, if the meeting does take place that day, you have already spent all your valuable energy on getting worked up. In the evening you will go home, exhausted, kick the dog and wonder whether you are really being paid enough for this demanding job …

By this time, something should dawn on you. Yes, I’m going to say it: you are responsible for wasting your energy in this manner – it is not the job, it is you! It was your negative thinking first thing in the morning that got you started on the wrong track.

There is nothing you can do about certain events in your life – meetings will occur, customers will sometimes be difficult – but you can certainly do something about the way you choose to look at these events. By putting yourself into a positive frame of mind, you will not only feel better within yourself, but you will also cope better with the event, and, above all, you will influence your environment positively. People like being with a relaxed, happy person and your positive attitude will soon be reflected in the way other people treat you.

Note: Whatever you send out to others will come back to you like a boomerang.

The above note is true – always. It is just a matter of time before you reap what you have sowed. This is true for all areas, be it in private life or business.

Being positive means being open and friendly. It does not mean being anybody’s doormat. It means saying what you want and going for it. It does not mean being a bully. Being positive means consciously choosing to look on the bright side. It does not mean seeing the world through unrealistic rose-tinted spectacles. Being positive means liking yourself and others, it means taking an interest in the people around you.

Note: A person who is interested is interesting.

Being positive means worrying less and enjoying more, choosing to look at the good side rather than filling your mind with gloom and doom, choosing to be happy rather than unhappy. It is your foremost duty to make sure that you feel good within yourself.

Note: It is of fundamental importance that you look after yourself and work on achieving happiness for yourself.

If you think the above note is selfish, then look at it from another angle. Unless you are happy yourself, you can’t make anyone else happy, nor can you be of help to others, nor will you be successful in what you’re doing. Imagine a miserable psychoanalyst trying to dissuade a client from suicide. Imagine a bad-tempered salesman trying to sell his product to a customer. Imagine a grumpy husband trying to keep his marriage going.

So how happy are you? Let’s take stock.

Try the following. Sit down in a room all by yourself, with no radio or television on, and don’t do anything for ten minutes.

Ten minutes can be an eternity to sit doing nothing, without any distractions, when you don’t like yourself. It forces you to confront potentially unpleasant thoughts about yourself and, ultimately, prevents you from relaxing and switching off.

Many people, particularly women, feel guilty about relaxing or wanting to be on their own. They tend to interpret the word ‘relaxing’ as ‘sitting around not doing anything productive’, and ‘wanting to be by myself’ as ‘being unsociable and therefore uncaring’. Do you recognise these thoughts, ladies? If you do, it is time you changed your attitude.

In the following pages, you will find exercises for physical and mental relaxation (pages 24–6), as well as the analyses of a number of particular problems (pages 47–9).

It may well be that you have to start dealing with your particular problem before you are able to relax. Try the relaxation exercises first, though, because they will give you an indication of your present frame of mind, and then repeat them after you have worked through your problem. As you are getting to grips with the problem, you will find that your ability to relax increases.

I would like you to start off by paying attention to what you are thinking throughout the day. Check the quality of your thoughts. Do you find yourself indulging in destructive thoughts, such as hatred, guilt, anger or envy? Nip them in the bud and replace them with positive thoughts.

If you do not get rid of negative thoughts straight away, they begin to grow and get out of proportion. Listen to yourself thinking. You will be surprised by your tendency to think negatively whenever a particular situation arises. Make a point of never thinking a negative thought to the end. As soon as you find yourself going off on the negative thoughts track, say ‘STOP’ in your mind and replace them with positive thoughts.

Here are some classic negative thoughts and some ways of re-thinking them positively.

• Making a strength out of a weakness

Negative ‘God, I wish I didn’t have to go to this party tonight. I never know what to say to new people.’

Positive ‘I am looking forward to going to this party tonight and meeting some interesting people. I like other people and I’m a good listener. Other people enjoy talking to me.’

• Stop being a victim

Negative ‘I’m annoyed/anxious because my boss has still not told me whether I’m going to get that salary increase.’

Positive ‘I deserve my salary increase. I have allowed enough time for my boss to make up his mind, therefore I can confidently go and ask him about his decision today.’

Negative ‘I feel cheated. My cleaning lady never does the windows.’