Earl Sewell - The Keysha Diaries, Volume One - Keysha's Drama

“Keysha, hold on a minute.” I stepped back out into the sunlight and saw Toya Taylor, a friend that I’d known for years. She lived in the apartment across the hall from me. Toya had a baby she was continually trying to get neighbors to watch for her while she roamed the streets trying to keep up with her baby’s daddy. Toya is sixteen but the father of her baby is a few years older than her. Toya was also rather conceited when it came to her hair. She was one of those girls who had a finer grade of hair as opposed to a coarser grade. She loved to show it off and brag about its length. Today for some reason, she wasn’t in the mood to show off her hair because she had it tied up in a black head scarf.

“Hey, what’s up? Why do you have on that head scarf? It’s hot as hell out here.” I was being nosy. I wanted to know what was going on with her hair.

“Girl, my baby’s daddy is tripping. He doesn’t like for me to be outside by myself with my hair down so he makes me tie it up when I’m not around him.”

“Well, if it makes him happy then I guess it is okay,” I said, even though I didn’t believe her for one minute. I think she did something to her hair and now it’s messed up and she doesn’t want to get ridiculed for having damaged it.

“Where have you been? I came over looking for you this morning but you weren’t home.”

“Girl, I got into a fight with Ronnie,” I said as I sat down on the step. Toya sat beside me.

“What about? You told him that you wanted to give him a chance to explain himself, right?”

“Yeah, I told him, but it didn’t matter. He still treated me like I was a fly at a picnic. I got so mad at him that I pulled out a patch of his hair.”

“For real?” Toya’s voice was now filled with excitement. “What happened next?” she asked, wanting to know every detail.

“His mother came out into the hallway where we were,” I said as I scratched my arm.

“You fought his mother, too?” Toya asked, jumping ahead of my story.

“No. I didn’t fight his mother. When I saw her I turned and ran out of the building.”

“So, are you sad about the breakup?” Toya asked. “Because if my baby’s daddy broke up with me, it would be on. I’d have to hurt him.” I wanted to point out the fact that I’d heard that her so-called man had another girl he was dealing with, but I didn’t want to go there with her. I just wasn’t in the mood to fight with anyone else right then.

“So, what’s next? What are you going to do? You’ve got to find a new man.”

“Girl, I’m not thinking about boys right now. I’m thinking about school and trying to get through another year.” I glanced up at a few billowy clouds and then down at my feet. My gym shoes had seen better days.

“I think I’m going to drop out of school,” said Toya.

“Why do you want to drop out of school?” I asked, looking at her strangely.

“I can’t find anyone to watch my baby. Do you know they want, like, eight hundred dollars a month to take care of my baby? I don’t have that type of money. That’s why I was really hoping that you were pregnant because we could’ve helped each other out. Maybe we could have gone to school part-time or something. While I was in class you could have babysat for me and vice versa. Our kids would’ve grown up together and been very close.”

“You know, at first I wanted to be the mother of Ronnie’s child because I thought it would bring Ronnie and me closer but now I don’t. Especially after what happened today.”

“Even if Ronnie wasn’t around, you would’ve had me and we would’ve been close,” Toya said but that didn’t make me feel any better. Besides, I’m not sure if I would’ve ever left my baby with Toya. I mean, she did okay with her little boy, but I think caring for him was much more than she bargained for.

“So what are you going to do if you drop out?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Probably sit around, play cards and collect a government check. I wouldn’t have to worry about teachers or homework or anything. All I’d have to do is chill out.” Toya began to bite her fingernails.

“Don’t you think you’ll get bored? Don’t you want to make money and live in a big house, drive a nice car and have enough money to buy yourself some serious bling?” I asked.

“Girl, that’s what a man is for. My boo is going to take care of me,” she stated as if her life plan was rock solid. In her mind Toya had it all figured out. At times talking with Toya annoyed me because she didn’t have any ambition. At least I had that, I thought to myself.

“I’m going to go inside. I’m starving,” I said as I stood up.

“You want some company? Me and the baby could come over,” Toya said.

“No, I’m cool,” I answered her then walked inside of the apartment building. The last thing I wanted to do was hang out with Toya and her baby.

two

The apartment my mom and I lived in felt more like a big square box than a studio apartment. Once inside there really wasn’t much to see. On the right wall was an old white stove that looked as if it’d come from the Stone Age. I was continually amazed that it actually worked. The refrigerator, which was next to the stove, was just as ancient. It was white with a chrome handle that had to be pulled toward your body before the door would open. There was one window at the back of the room. It looked out over the abandoned lot where the alley mechanics work and loiter. The window didn’t have a curtain, just a dingy white shade. On the left side was the bathroom, which was long overdue for a makeover. Sometimes I was completely grossed out by the murky brown water that came out of the faucet. You had to let it run for a while before it changed color. Next to the bathroom was an oversize door, which was where the Murphy bed was located. That was about the only cool thing about the place. A bed that actually folded up into the wall was kind of neat. My mom slept on the Murphy bed and I slept on the sofa-sleeper, which was near the window. We didn’t have any closets, only two large dressers that were positioned outside of the bathroom. We had one small television that sat atop one of the dressers, but it didn’t have cable, so as far as I was concerned, it had limited value.

I went over and laid down on the sofa. I threaded my fingers behind my head and closed my eyes. I blocked out all of the sounds of the city—the wailing fire engine, the loud trunk amps and the sound of multiple conversations. My mind was flashing images of the events that had occurred over the past few months. Directly after the death of my Aunt Estelle and the conviction of my Grandmother Rubylee, my mother was arrested for driving around as a passenger with a friend of hers in a stolen car. While her case was being ironed out, Grandmother Rubylee got in touch with her father’s relatives and convinced them to take me in for a little while. I hated living with them because they were mean-spirited people. They treated me like their maid, and if something malfunctioned or got damaged, it was my fault. Even if the utility bill went up, it was my fault. When the charges against my mother were dropped, I was relieved and excited to be back with her. It was clear that things were going to be hard for us, but I figured my mom would step up and make sure we were safe. At least, that was what I was hoping for.

Sometimes I fantasized about who my father was and what it would have been like living with him. I’d never met my father, but in a way, I’d always hoped that he’d magically appear and come and rescue me from my situation. But that was just a dream from the fairy tales of my imagination. I knew someone out in the world was my father, but I didn’t know who, and Mother wasn’t actually sure, either, or that was what she’d told me over the years. A loud knock at the door startled me back into reality.