Justine Windsor - Goodly and Grave in a Deadly Case of Murder

“Shall we begin?” Lord Grave said. “Now, I am sure you want to know why I’ve asked you all here. This is the reason.”

Lord Grave unfolded a newspaper and spread it out in the middle of the table. It was a copy of the Penny Dreadful . Lord Grave always called the Penny a “frightful old rag” but seemed to one of its most avid readers nonetheless.

“So, does anyone want to put forward a guess about what’s behind these activities?” Lord Grave asked.

“It says here,” said Prudence Beguildy, “that Sir Absalom Balderdash is convinced it’s the work of corpse-eating zombies.”

“A ridiculous man,” her brother replied. “If anyone so much as picks a daffodil illegally, Sir Absalom blames it on zombies.”

“Can I have some serious ideas, please?” snapped Lord Grave.

“It’s graverobbers, of course!” Bertie said. His voice was somewhat hoarse as he had a bad cold. “It’s rather unethical, but if medical science is to progress, we have to understand how the human body works.”

“But look,” Lucy said, pointing to one of the paragraphs in the article. “It’s only the grave dirt that’s stolen. Not the bodies.”

“Oh, sorry,” said Bertie, going rather red before sneezing violently into his handkerchief.

“Don’t be sorry, my boy, all theories are welcome. But Lucy is right,” Lord Grave said. “That’s why I think there may be a rogue magician at work. Strangely enough, the Penny ’s advice on mortsafes is a good idea. Iron can impede magic.”

“But why would a magician steal grave dirt?” Lucy asked.

“Why would a magician steal grave dirt?” said Beguildy Beguildy, who had been sitting with one elbow on the table, cheek resting on his hand and looking thoroughly bored all through the conversation. “Grave, I thought you said she was bright?”

“Don’t be so mean, B,” Prudence said.

“Quite,” Lord Grave replied. “Lucy is bright as well as magically gifted. That’s why I want her with me to begin an initial investigation into these thefts.”

Lucy turned to Beguildy and flashed him a wide smile. He bared his teeth at her in a silent grimace.

“What you need to know, Lucy, and you, Bertie,” Lord Grave continued, “is that grave dirt taken from freshly dug graves has powerful magical qualities.”

Lucy looked at the article in the Penny again. “Is all this about nefarious deeds and the new moon true?”

Lord Grave nodded. “For once it’s not just the Penny being hysterical. The new moon is strongly associated with dark magic. Now, it seems the graverobber visited St Olaf’s yesterday night, which is just a few villages away from here. The local gravedigger disturbed him before any grave dirt could be stolen. I suggest a surveillance operation.”

“You think it’s worth it, George?” Lady Sibyl said. “I doubt the robber will return.”

“I think he might. Tonight’s the last night of the new moon. There won’t be another for a month and he may not have the time to seek out more newly dug graves to rob. He may chance his arm. And we can look for clues too.” Lord Grave took out his pocket watch. “It’s half past four. Sunset will be in about three hours. Lucy and I will go to St Olaf’s and see if the graverobber makes another attempt. Does that suit you, Lucy?”

“Yes!” Lucy replied, almost leaping out of her seat with enthusiasm. Of course it suited her! She couldn’t wait to get stuck into her first official investigation for MAAM.

“Very well. Meet me in the grounds at half past six. Everyone, make no mention of this case outside these four walls for now.”

Lord Grave then invited the members of MAAM into his drawing room for tea. Unfortunately, Lucy wasn’t invited. To everyone not part of the magical world, Lucy was Lord Grave’s boot girl, and her task was to keep all the shoes at the Hall spick and span. Becky Bone, the housemaid, would serve tea to all the guests, so it would look very odd for Lucy to be among them. Lucy had hoped that becoming part of MAAM might mean the end of her boot girl duties. But Lord Grave thought it best to maintain the pretence for now, especially because there was a reporter from the Penny called Slimeous Osburn, who took a marked interest in goings-on at Grave Hall and was often snooping around. If Osburn got wind of a Grave Hall servant suddenly being treated as a member of the household, he might become suspicious. So Lucy rather reluctantly left the rest of MAAM to it and headed off to the kitchen. As she passed Beguildy Beguildy, he made a rude face at her.

“Beware of the ghosties tonight!” he said, fluttering his hands at either side of his head. “Woo!”

Lucy held her head high and stalked away, but inwardly fantasised about emptying a brimming chamberpot over Beguildy’s head. She smiled to herself as she imagined its stinky contents dripping down his face. As she set off down the stairs towards the kitchen, she sensed someone following her. It was Smell.

“Don’t let that Beguildy get to you, Luce,” he said, flicking his one and a half ears back and forth.

“I won’t. But why is he so horrible to me?”

“Jealous.”

Lucy stopped and looked down at Smell. “Jealous?”

Smell licked his front paw. “Yeah. See, Beguildy Beguildy’s ambitious. Only been a member of MAAM for a few months, but fancies ’imself as a future ’ead. Now ’e thinks Grave’s training you up to take his place one day.”

“Me? That would be incredible,” Lucy said, setting off again. The thought of Beguildy Beguildy being jealous of her because she might one day be head of MAAM was most pleasing and she firmly resolved to ignore any future taunts he might make. And anyway, she had more important things to think about. She was determined to be the one to crack the case of the grave-robbing magician.

As Lucy and Smell entered the kitchen, Smell grew silent. This was because Violet Worthington the scullery maid was there. Both Violet and Becky were completely unaware that Lord Grave, his friends and some of his servants were magicians and so any hint of magic had to be carefully hidden from them, especially something as remarkable as a talking cat.

Lucy’s own (non-magical) pet cat Phoebe was curled up under the kitchen table. Smell was terribly taken with her and as soon as he glimpsed her, he scooted over and attempted to touch noses, as cats sometimes do when they meet each other. Sadly, Phoebe was as unimpressed as ever with Smell’s advances and very nearly took his one remaining eye out with her claws.

“Lucy, you’re just in time for a pot of tea!” boomed Mrs Crawley, who was wearing her best flowery apron. Lucy had been rather confused by Mrs Crawley the first time she had met her as the bearded cook-cum-housekeeper was actually a man. But Lucy soon became used to the fact that Lord Grave insisted on the Grave Hall cook being addressed as Mrs regardless of gender or marital status – it was simply the done thing. Lucy was also used to Mrs Crawley’s preference for frocks ( They keep the nether regions cool in a hot kitchen! she often said). Lucy herself was unconventional in her clothing choices. Most girls wore dresses and curled their long hair. Lucy preferred to wear a jacket and breeches and wore her hair in a shining black bob.