Richard Webber - Dad’s Army

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Title Page The Best of British Comedy Dad’s Army The Best Scenes, Jokes and One-Liners Richard Webber

INTRODUCTION INTRODUCTION In the annals of British television, no finer example of classic comedy exists than in the shape of Dad’s Army , the Home Guard-based sitcom written by veteran writers Jimmy Perry and David Croft. Although they penned many other sterling programmes, including Hi-De-Hi! and the underrated You Rang, M’Lord? , they’ll forever be remembered for their brilliant wartime comedy spotlighting the antics of the Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard, led by the irascible and pompous Captain Mainwaring. Between 1968 and 1977, nine series and three Christmas Specials – totalling 80 instalments – were screened, much to the delight of the millions of fans who tuned in; but the show’s popularity has continued unabated and even today, four decades since the platoon marched onto the scene, it remains one of the golden offerings from the sitcom genre. Unlike most situation comedies which highlight one or two key characters, Dad’s Army was team comedy of the highest order. Although much of the focus concentrated on the relationships between Mainwaring and Wilson (adroitly played by Arthur Lowe and John Le Mesurier respectively) within Swallow Bank during the day and the coastal town’s Home Guard by night, the disparate bunch of individuals making up the bravehearted platoon was equally valuable to the overall success of the show. Who can forget Corporal ‘Don’t Panic!’ Jones; the mollycoddled Private Pike; Frazer, the doom-and-gloom merchant; Walker, the kindhearted spiv and doddery old Private Godfrey, who was forever nipping off to spend a penny, much to Mainwaring’s chagrin. And let’s not forget the sniping Mr Yeatman, the huffy Vicar and, of course, loud-mouthed Warden Hodges. Within this celebration of Dad’s Army , I’ve selected some of the best scenes from the series. Of course, the selection process is subjective and I could have included hundreds more

THE STORY IN A NUTSHELL THE STORY IN A NUTSHELL While travelling by train to the East London suburb of Stratford East, actor-turned-scriptwriter Jimmy Perry dreamt up an idea that would not only alter the course of his career but provide the rest of us with something rather special. At the time, Perry was treading the boards at Stratford East’s Theatre Royal, working for stage director Joan Littlewood; but for some time he’d harboured dreams of writing for television, despite having only written for pantomimes and comedy sketches. Although he’d never penned material for the small screen, he was driven by the desire to write something in order to create a significant part for himself. On his daily commutes across London, he began formulating a premise. Realising it would be judicious to write about something he’d experienced and understood, and backed by the knowledge that service-based comedies like Bilko and The Army Game had been successful, he turned his attention to the Home Guard. Using the Home Guard as the foundations for a sitcom hadn’t been tackled before. But having served with units in Barnes and Watford as a teenager, it seemed the best course of action. This was 1967, however, more than two decades since the Second World War had finished, and Perry’s enthusiasm was initially dampened by doubts regarding whether anyone would remember the Home Guard’s contribution during the war; his mood wasn’t helped when he visited the local library. When he asked the librarian for books about the Home Guard, his request was met with a quizzical stare. Unperturbed, Perry began work on a synopsis and a draft script, inspired by the Will Hay film, Oh! Mr Porter. The balance of characters, comprising a pompous man, a boy and an old man was, in Perry’s eyes, the perfect combination. Influenced by this screen classic, Perry wrote a script, titled The Fighting Tigers , but didn’t actively market the work for many weeks,

‘THE MAN AND THE HOUR’ ‘THE MAN AND THE HOUR’ Mainwaring begins interviewing the Walmington residents who’ve volunteered to join the Home Guard. Wilson, who’s been made sergeant, doesn’t bark out the commands as Mainwaring would like. Wilson asks the first volunteer to enter the office. WILSON: Would you mind stepping this way, please? MAINWARING: Sergeant Wilson, come here. I intend to mould those men out there into an aggressive fighting unit. I’m going to lead them, command them, and inspire them to become ruthless killers, but I’m not going to get very far if you keep inviting them to ‘step this way’. ‘Quick march’ is the order, Wilson. WILSON: I’m sorry, sir. ( To the man who’s already standing at the table ) Quick march! FRAZER: There’s not much point, I’m here already. MAINWARING: Name, please? FRAZER: James Frazer.

‘THE LONELINESS OF THE LONG-DISTANCE WALKER’ ‘THE LONELINESS OF THE LONG-DISTANCE WALKER’ Walker has just announced he’s been called up. The members of the platoon, however, have other things on their minds. FRAZER: This is terrible news, Joe, terrible! What about my whisky? JONES: And my gin? GODFREY: What about my sisters’ fudge? PIKE: What about my mum’s elastic? MAINWARING: Don’t be selfish, men. We mustn’t think about ourselves. By the way, what about my whisky?

‘THE LION HAS PHONES’ ‘THE LION HAS PHONES’ Jones, inside a phone box, tries reporting an enemy plane has crashed. Unfortunately, he’s incorrectly connected to the local cinema. JONES: Major Brooks? DOREEN: ( With puzzled look at receiver ) Yes, that’s right. JONES: Can you help me? DOREEN: Certainly, sir… One of Our Aircraft is Missing . JONES: That’s funny, I thought it was one of theirs. DOREEN: No…it’s One of Our Aircraft is Missing . It went up five minutes ago. JONES: Well, it’s come down now. DOREEN: No, sir…it doesn’t come down till 10.30…if you hurry you’ll just catch it. Eric Portman and Googie Withers are in it.

‘SOMETHING NASTY IN THE VAULT’ ‘SOMETHING NASTY IN THE VAULT’ Mainwaring and Wilson are stuck in the bank’s strong room. There has been an air raid and they’ve ended up holding an unexploded bomb. Pike arrives. PIKE: Uncle Arthur? WILSON: Oh, what it is, Frank? PIKE: Do you think I ought to phone mum and tell her you’re holding a bomb? WILSON: No! PIKE: But she might get cross if she found out that you’d been holding a bomb and she wasn’t told about it.

‘WAR DANCE’ ‘WAR DANCE’ Mainwaring is sporting a black eye so Godfrey and his sister suggest various remedies. GODFREY: You remember my sister, Mr Mainwaring? By Jove, that eye looks nasty. MAINWARING: I rather stupidly walked into the door of the linen cupboard. CISSY: A little bit of folded Christmas card is awfully good for that. MAINWARING: For a black eye? CISSY: No, for keeping the linen cupboard door shut. GODFREY: What you need, Mr Mainwaring, is a hot onion.

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