Carolyn Boyes - Communication

Body basics Body basics In conversation people tend to pay attention only to the words they use. However, communication takes place on many levels, some conscious, others unconscious. By understanding your own body language, you will create a stronger business presence and make a favourable impression every time you meet a colleague or client. Reading other people’s body language will help you become aware of subtle dynamics and deeper levels of communication.

2.1 Stand out at first glance 2.1 Stand out at first glance “Trust me”, says the salesperson you meet for the first time. But something about them looks shifty. How long will it take you to get over that first impression? Our first impressions are formed within as little as 10 seconds, and the first impression is hard to shift, so you need to make sure you’ve made a positive one. It’s not only your words that make an impression when you meet someone but also your body language. Whether you are talking to someone over the phone, introducing yourself face to face or simply walking into a room and looking around without speaking, your body is saying even more than what’s coming out of your mouth. one minute wonder Practise putting authority into what you say. Say something serious in a squeaky voice and you will notice not only how the words are undermined but also how you have to change your breathing to do this. Now deepen your breathing and notice how your voice gains power. Psychology Professor Albert Mehrabian produced the now most used model of communication in the 1970s. He showed that: 55% of communication is down to the way you stand or sit, your gestures and facial expressions. Some of this body language is very obvious, while other signals will only be picked up unconsciously. 7-10% of communication comes from the actual words you use. 35-38% of communication is how you say things: how loudly you speak, your accent and how deep or high is your tone of voice. Of course, if you are on a telephone, you have only your voice to work with, but still watch how you are standing or sitting and how you are breathing, as they will all affect how your voice sounds. So, what was going on with that shifty, untrustworthy person you met for the first time? Well, he or she was probably saying the right things but thinking something different. That showed up in, or leaked into, their body language. Pay attention to what you say but also make sure that you believe what you say. If you don’t, your audience will pick up immediately that something is not quite right. They won’t necessarily know what is not right, but instinctively they will know that they don’t feel comfortable with you, and that isn’t a positive in business. Watch what you are saying with your body; it’s an even more important communicator than your words.

2.2 Be aware of personal space 2.2 Be aware of personal space Have you ever had to move away from a colleague or client because you felt as if they were intruding into your personal space? It is such an uncomfortable feeling, and, if the person continues to crowd us, we will feel very unfriendly towards them and will be unlikely to want to do business with them. Our personal space is composed of several invisible zones around us. If someone intrudes into these, we begin to feel very uncomfortable. We will let a lover or a close family member come very close to us, but a stranger or a work colleague cannot come as close. The closest invisible zone (from the skin to 18 inches/45 cm around us) is called the personal zone and is reserved for people we are happy to be touched by or to touch. If a stranger comes into this intimate space, it will feel as if a warning bell has immediately gone off. You will sense the intrusion and want to move away. Around 30% of people will move within one minute of someone invading their space. The need for personal space varies from culture to culture, so it is something that is very important to become aware of, especially if you are doing business internationally. “The emotional brain responds to an event more quickly than the thinking brain” Daniel Goleman, American author There are even differences between people from the town and from the country in terms of how much space they need around them. This means becoming aware of not only people coming into your space but also how you might be unconsciously becoming a ‘space invader’ as well. To avoid becoming a ‘space invader’, follow these simple rules: 1 Pay attention to the body language of the other people you 1 meet in any business situation, particularly when abroad. Judge the distance people commonly stand apart. 2 If someone starts moving back from you while in conversation, don’t pursue them, but allow them to keep some distance between the two of you. 3 If they become comfortable in your company, they will close the gap a little or you will at least see their body language relax. You will probably feel the difference too, as the atmosphere warms and you feel more in rapport. Be conscious of the invisible zones of personal space and avoid being a ‘space invader’.

2.3 Practise your handshake

2.4 Use eye contact carefully

2.5 Show you’re friendly

2.6 Be authoritative

2.7 Be culturally appropriate

Team talk

3.1 Be aware of dynamics

3.2 Take people into your confidence

3.3 Show gratitude

3.4 Establish a rapport

3.5 Give good feedback

3.6 Be persuasive

3.7 Be a coach

Making the most of meetings

4.1 Plan and prepare

4.2 Pay attention to your audience

4.3 Stand (or sit) tall

4.4 Keep the discussion relevant

4.5 Be a story teller

4.6 Keep it short and sweet

4.7 Choose the right seat

Selling successfully

5.1 Be client-centred

5.2 Show your client what’s in it for them

5.3 Win others’ support

5.4 Communicate credibly

5.5 Know why clients say “no”

5.6 Fire the imagination

5.7 Understand values

5.8 Avoid “but” and “try”

5.9 Don’t think of a blue tree

5.10 Handle complaints flexibly

Dealing at a distance

6.1 Be a flexible speaker

6.2 Observe phone etiquette

6.3 Use emails thriftily

6.4 Stay professional

6.5 Don’t use emails as avoidance

Ditching the difficulties

7.1 Keep focused

7.2 Say “no” nicely

7.3 Control your emotions

7.4 Don’t interrupt

7.5 Challenge bad behaviour

7.6 Listen empathetically

7.7 Be a great negotiator

7.8 Avoid judgement

Jargon buster

Further reading

About The Author

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About the Publisher

Communication is at the heart of everything we do in business, yet poor communication is a huge problem for businesses and individuals, causing low morale, poor performance and high staff turnover. Much communication happens by accident, with the wrong messages coming across. If you want to be successful in business, it is worth learning about really good communication.

As a person working in international business throughout my career, I have seen how communication can help and hinder relationships within an organization, and impact on teams and goals for the business as a whole. Poor communication can cause stress and hardship for individuals within an organization.

With a background in languages and sales, I have always found words extremely important to me. People in business can earn big money from being skilled with words but can also lose their jobs if they have poor communication skills. Communication can often be distorted because people think they have said one thing but have really given a totally different message. During the last 10 years, as trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, I have become aware of the deeper communication that goes on between individuals and groups through non-verbal communication. That’s why it’s important that all business people consider the secrets of communication.