Laura Ruby - The Boy Who Could Fly

The Chapter Before the First

He was too old for this, far too old. The storm drain was cold and damp and smelled of mildew. A thin trickle of water that wended its way down the concrete tunnel splashed each time he planted one of his feet. At first, he’d tried flying, but found it too exhausting to do for very long. Instead, he’d settled for this ungainly shuffle-run. The floor was slippery and he’d already fallen once, his knee bleeding through a tear in one trouser leg. (Lord, how he hated wearing trousers.)

Still, he struggled on. In one arm, he held what looked like a human hand mounted on a black marble base; in the other, a tiny gilded birdcage in which a blue budgie twittered and sang. Various other items bulged in the pockets of his jacket. A white kitten popped her head from his breast pocket, saw where she was, squeaked, and pulled her head back in.

Where are we going? The Answer Hand said, using sign language.

The Professor grunted. “I hate it when you ask questions you know the answers to.”

The cats aren’t happy .

Behind The Professor, more than a hundred cats hopped daintily around the trickle of water and wrinkled their noses at the mouldy smell.

“Are cats ever happy?”

You’d be surprised , said The Answer Hand. Sun spots on carpets make them happy. A good long nap. Chewing on the houseplants. Sitting on the laps of people who can’t stand them . The Answer Hand pointed accusingly with its index finger before beginning again: Cats don’t like wet things. They don’t like stinky things. The cats , The Hand said, are very annoyed .

The Professor glanced back and had to agree, though he would never say so. “I thought you weren’t supposed to give any answers unless I asked you a specific question?”

You asked if cats were ever happy and I told you. As for the rest, maybe I’m getting tired of waiting to be asked .

“Perfect,” The Professor replied. “That’s just what I need.”

What you need is to move faster .

“You are so helpful. Where’s the man now?”

He’s still a few kilometres back , The Answer Hand signed. But gaining. He dislikes you intensely .

“I figured that out myself.”

Amazing! Well, that’s something to celebrate. Which we could do if we were back at home instead of running through the bowels of the city because we lost the most powerful object we’d ever invented .

“Who’s this ‘we’ that you’re talking about? I invented the pen.”

And then you lost it. And that’s not the only thing you lost. I wouldn’t be so proud of myself if I were you .

“I’m not proud of myself,” The Professor snapped.

Also something to celebrate , signed The Answer Hand. The Professor was astonished that something that didn’t even have its own face could achieve such magnificent sarcasm.

“At least we know the crows have the pen,” said The Professor.

I told you who had the pen. But that’s not going to help much if we can’t get to them before they do something stupid. You know how they are about shiny things. I think you need to reconsider my plan .

“It’s too complicated. It will never work. Besides, you also told me that the book is in the library. It’s safe.”

Is it? said The Hand.

“Of course it is,” The Professor huffed. “Nobody can awaken the book unless they use the pen, and then only if they write precisely the correct thing. Only if the pen wants it to happen. And the odds of that are—”

Fifteen trillion to one , The Hand said.

“See? Impossible.”

For once, The Answer Hand didn’t answer. Thoughtfully, it rubbed its thumb and middle finger together. Then: In this city, nothing is impossible. For example, take a look behind you . The Professor turned to see a large dark figure moving obscenely fast through the tunnel. The figure wasn’t flying. He was walking briskly on the side of the tunnel, his body perfectly parallel to the wet floor. As The Professor watched, the figure strode around to the top of the tunnel, so that he was walking upside down.

How does he keep his trench coat from flopping around his ears? The Answer Hand asked.

“I thought you knew the answer to everything,” The Professor said.

I don’t know the answer to that .

“You’re scaring me,” said The Professor.

It’s about time .

The budgie stopped twittering. Some of the cats began to growl.

“Is he afraid of cats?” The Professor asked hopefully.

No , signed The Answer Hand. Not even a little .

“Darn,” whispered The Professor.

Things were getting out of control, thought Mr Fuss. And Mr Fuss didn’t like when things were out of control. What made Mr Fuss fussy: messes, troubles, unruliness, vexation or chaos.

In short, Mr Fuss didn’t like fuss.

Odd, then, that he had chosen to live and work in this vast and sparkling city, this city at the centre of the universe, the city that was the very definition of messes, troubles, unruliness, vexation, and chaos. Odder still that it was his job to tidy things up.

What we do for money , thought Mr Fuss.

He could see the little man with his ridiculous green hair and his pathetic army of felines up ahead. Good. One thing he could cross off his list for the day. As Mr Fuss walked, he pulled his day planner and a tiny pencil from his pocket. He read through his list:

1 Bull in china shop.

2 Runaway carousel horses.

3 “Magic” pretzels for sale on the corner of Sixth and Thirty-third (if you ate one, you could understand any language spoken to you, though effects were temporary).

4 Fortune-teller on Upper East Side telling actual fortunes.

5 The Professor.

Mr Fuss put a check mark next to this last line and tucked the day planner and pencil back in his pocket.

The Professor started to run, if you could call the awkward hobbling of an ancient man running . Really. Such a waste of time and effort. Where was the man going to go? This storm drain went on for kilometres. Plus, high tide was coming. Any minute now The Professor and his nasty little menagerie would be washed out to sea. If it had been up to Mr Fuss, that’s exactly what he’d want to happen, too, a tidy ending to an untidy person. But his employer had other ideas.

Mr Fuss’s phone rang. Sighing, Mr Fuss flipped it open. “Fuss here,” he said. “Yes, I have him. Well, nearly. He’s about fifty metres ahead of me. I won’t lose him.” There was a pause and Mr Fuss rolled his queer, amber-coloured eyes. “Of course I won’t hurt the man. Why would I hurt the man?” Another pause. “But that was an accident.” More eye rolling. “And that was an accident too. Well, perhaps that wasn’t entirely an accident, but… Yes, yes. I promise, no more accidents. Yes, sir, we are clear. Clear as glass. Clear as water. Clear as air. Clear as….” He looked at the phone, frowning. His employer had hung up.

That was another thing about this city that Mr Fuss couldn’t stand: everyone was so unspeakably rude.

The Professor had sped up a bit, the awkward hobbling now a sort of crazed shambling.

Funny that he still gets reception even seventy floors below ground , signed The Answer Hand.

“Yes,” said The Professor. “Funny.”

Almost high tide , said The Answer Hand. What are you going to do ?