Jonathan Meres - Koala Calamity

To Molly love from Johnny

Contents

Title Page

Dedication To Molly love from Johnny

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

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Copyright

About the Publisher

t was the crack of dawn at The Acacia Koala Sanctuary. Things were beginning to stir. Wings were beginning to whir. But high in the treetops, Dude and Bro were still busy doing what Dude and Bro did best. Absolutely nothing. Zilch. Nada.

Koalas are, by nature, extremely lazy. But best buddies Dude and Bro had taken this laziness to a whole new level. If sleeping had been an Olympic sport, Dude and Bro would have won hands down. Or paws down, anyway. If they could have been bothered. Which they probably couldn’t. But you get the picture. The fact that it was morning meant nothing to Dude and Bro. They didn’t know if it was the crack of dawn, or the crack of noon. And frankly, they didn’t care either.

“Pass me another eucy branch, Dude,” said Bro, stifling a yawn.

“What’s that, Bro?” said Dude, stifling an even bigger one.

“I said, pass me another eucy branch. I’m done with this one.”

“Are you kidding me?” said Dude. “Fetch it yourself.”

“Aw, Dude, c’mon,” said Bro.

“No way, Bro!” said Dude.

Bro sighed. It was by far the most energetic thing he’d done that day. “Final answer?”

“Final answer,” said Dude.

Bro was not happy. He was even less happy a moment later when the sun went behind a cloud, casting him in cool shadow. And it had been such a beautiful morning until then!

“G’day!” said a voice.

Bro just about managed to crank open one eye. It was the second most energetic thing he’d done that day. But at least he now knew that the sun hadn’t really gone behind a cloud. It was just his annoying little brother, Squirt, blocking it from view. And if Bro had anything to do with it, he wouldn’t be blocking it for much longer.

“Out the way, Squirt!” snarled Bro. “I’m colder than a penguin’s bum, here!”

“You could at least be a little bit grateful,” said Squirt.

“Oh, yeah?” said Bro. “And why’s that then?”

“Ta-da!” said Squirt, producing a particularly delicious-looking eucalyptus branch from behind his back, like a magician conjuring up a bunch of flowers.

In a shot, both of Bro’s eyes were wide open. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place, ya wallaby?”

“You’re welcome,” grinned Squirt, handing his big brother the branch.

“If that’s all you came here to do, you can clear off again,” said Bro.

“Aw, Bro,” said Dude, winking at Squirt. “The little feller’s only trying to be friendly.”

“Yeah, well, he can go and be friendly somewhere else,” said Bro. “I’m freezing here.”

“You know you could try shifting yourself, if you want to catch a few more rays?” said Dude.

Bro chuckled. “Very funny, Dude. Very funny.”

And with that, Bro began chowing down on the eucalyptus branch, gradually stripping it of its succulent green leaves. And boy, did those leaves taste good! There were over six hundred kinds of eucalyptus trees in Australia – and this one was a real beaut! One of Bro’s faves, in fact.

The more Bro chewed, the heavier his eyelids began to get. The heavier Bro’s eyelids got, the less he chewed. The next thing he knew – or rather, the next thing he didn’t know – Bro had fallen fast asleep.

“SQUAWK! SQUAWK! SQUAWK!” went the sulphur-crested cockatoo in the neighbouring tree.

“Aaaaaaaaagh!” screamed Bro, waking with a start and very nearly falling out of his tree.

Squirt laughed. It was the funniest thing he’d seen since the duck-billed platypus had got hiccups.

“Are you still here?” grumbled Bro. “I thought I told you to sling your hook!”

“I’m bored,” said Squirt.

Bro thought for a moment. “Bored, eh?”

Squirt nodded.

“See that jumped-up budgie over there?”

Squirt looked where Bro was looking. “The sulphur-crested cockatoo, you mean?”

“Yeah,” said Bro. “Bet you can’t sneak up and nab one of its tail feathers before I count to a hundred.”

“A hundred?” said Squirt.

Bro nodded.

“Bet you I can.”

“Three… two… one… go!” said Bro.

Squirt was gone in a flash, finally leaving Dude and Bro in peace once again, wedged between branches high above The Acacia Koala Sanctuary.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Bro.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Dude. “Genius, mate. Pure genius.”

For a while, the only sound to be heard was the sound of Bro chomping contentedly on his eucalyptus branch as the sun rose higher and higher in the cloudless sky.

Suddenly Dude furrowed his brow. Or at least, he furrowed his brow as best a koala could. “Er, Bro?” he said. “Aren’t you s’posed to be counting up to a hundred?”

But there was no reply. Bro had fallen fast asleep.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Dude, who was feeling in need of a kip himself. All that chilling had worn him out.

“SQUAWK! SQUAWK! SQUAWK!” went the sulphur-crested cockatoo in the neighbouring tree.

“Aaaaaaaaaaagh!” screamed Dude and Bro, together.

A few seconds later, Squirt appeared – breathless from climbing back up the trunk in double-quick time, but triumphant nevertheless.

“I did it! I did it!” he cried, clutching a brilliant white feather in one of his paws.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Dude. “You did, didn’t you? Good on yer, Squirt!”

Bro shook his head in disbelief, but couldn’t help chuckling too.

What with all the squawking and all the chuckling, no one noticed Mrs M suddenly appear in the treetop.

“What’s going on?” she said.

“Nothing, Ma,” said Bro.

“Hello, Dude,” said Mrs M.

“G’day, Mrs M,” said Dude. “Still no sign of the joey then?”

“Any day now,” smiled Mrs M, patting her pouch. “Any day now.”

“I reckon it’s going to be a girl,” said Dude.

“Do you, now?” said Mrs M.

“I reckon it’s gonna be annoying,” said Bro. “Even more annoying than Squirt.”

“Hello, Squirty-Wirty,” said Mrs M. “Didn’t see you there!”

“Maaaaaa!” said Squirt through gritted teeth. “I’ve told you not to call me that!”

“Aw, have you?” squeaked Mrs M. “Come to Mumsy-Wumsy for a cuddly-wuddly!”

“No!” said Squirt. “Don’t want to!”

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Bro.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Dude.

Squirt was embarrassed. His mum calling him Squirty-Wirty was bad enough – but doing it in front of Dude and Bro was even worse! It was a good job koalas couldn’t blush.

It’s not fair, thought Squirt. He’d brought his brother a eucalyptus branch. He’d nabbed a feather from the sulphur-crested cockatoo. And still they were making fun of him! When were they going to stop treating him like a baby?

“Come on, boys,” said Mrs M. “Time to go.”