Michael Bond - Paddington Complete Novels

“Do you mean to say you’ve never been to the pictures, Paddington?” said Mr Brown over tea that afternoon.

“Never,” said Paddington firmly, as he helped himself to a crumpet. “And now I can’t go for another fourteen years unless I’m accompanied.”

Mr Brown looked at his wife. “It’s a long time since we all went to the pictures, Mary,” he said. “And it’s still quite early. Shall we go?”

“Gosh, Dad – let’s!” exclaimed Jonathan and Judy together.

“Do you think it’s a good programme, Paddington?” asked Mrs Brown.

“Very good, Mrs Brown,” said Paddington knowledgeably. “There’s a cowboy film and a cartoon and an ‘I beg your pardon film’ as well.”

“A what film?” exclaimed Mr Brown.

“An ‘I beg your pardon film’,” repeated Paddington. “That means bears under sixteen aren’t allowed in by themselves.”

“Oh, you mean an ‘A’ film,” said Jonathan.

“That’s right,” agreed Paddington. “That’s what I said.”

The Browns looked at one another. Sometimes it was a bit difficult explaining things to Paddington.

“And there’s a man playing the organ,” continued Paddington. “It’s a special attraction – so I think it’s a good bargain, Mr Brown.”

“That settles it,” said Mr Brown, looking at his watch. “It all sounds much too good to miss.”

Immediately the whole house was in an uproar. Paddington was sent upstairs by Mrs Bird to wash the crumpet stains off his whiskers while the rest of the family hurried off to their respective rooms to change.

Paddington felt very superior some half an hour later when they all trooped into the Podium Cinema. He raised his hat to the doorkeeper and then led Mr Brown in the direction of the cash desk.

“I’m accompanied now,” he called out to the lady in charge.

The lady stared at Mr Brown. “I beg your pardon?” she exclaimed. She sniffed and gave him a very strange look. It was most odd but she could distinctly smell fish again.

“What did you say?” she repeated.

“Nothing,” said Mr Brown hastily. “Er… I’d like three and three halves for the front row of the circle, please.”

“Hurry up, Dad,” called Jonathan. “I think the other programme’s nearly finished.”

Leaving the lady in the cash desk looking most upset, Mr Brown gathered up a long string of tickets and joined the rest of the family as they hurried up the stairs leading to the circle.

They went up and up and Paddington soon lost count of the number of steps. In fact there were so many he almost wished they had gone downstairs instead. Not only that, but as he followed the Browns through the entrance to the circle he discovered it was all dark inside.

“This way, please,” said the usherette, as she led the way down some stairs and shone her torch along a row of seats in the front row. “You’re lucky. There are just six left together.”

“Thank you very much,” said Mrs Brown, as she made her way along the row. “Excuse me, please. Excuse me. Thank you very much.”

She sat down and arranged herself comfortably as the others joined her.

“That’s a bit of luck,” whispered Mr Brown. “Finding six together.”

“Seven,” said Mrs Brown. “There’s still another one between us.”

“So there is!” whispered Mr Brown, groping in the dark. “That’s odd. The girl said there were only six.” He looked along the row. “Where’s Paddington?”

“Paddington?” exclaimed Mrs Brown. “Isn’t he with you, Henry?”

“No,” replied Mr Brown. “I thought you had him.”

“Oh, crumbs,” groaned Judy. “Trust Paddington to get lost.”

“Where on earth can he have got to?” grumbled Mr Brown as he struck a match and began looking under the seats.

“Here I am, Mr Brown,” called Paddington from the end of the row. “I went all the way along by mistake.”

“Sssh!” said a nasty-sounding voice from the row behind.

“It’s all dark and I can’t see,” exclaimed Paddington as he was passed back along the row.

“Are you all right now, dear?” whispered Mrs Brown, as Paddington sat down beside her.

“I think so,” said Paddington, peering at the screen.

“Oi!” said the nasty voice from behind again. “’Ow about taking yer titfer off?”

Paddington turned and stared in the direction of the speaker. “My titfer?” he exclaimed. “Take my titfer off?”

“That’s right,” said the voice. “Your tit for tat.”

“I think he means your hat, dear,” explained Mrs Brown. “It’s probably getting in the way of the screen.”

Paddington thought for a moment. He wasn’t at all keen on taking his hat off in case it got lost in the dark. “I’ll turn it round if you like,” he said generously. “Then you can look through one of the holes.”

Having solved the problem of the man behind, Paddington gave his attention to the screen. It was all very interesting, with people dashing about all over the place and with music that got louder and louder, but Paddington found it difficult to understand what it was all about. To his surprise, after only a few minutes the music suddenly ended and all the lights in the cinema came on.

“Well,” he exclaimed, looking most disappointed. “I didn’t think much of that!”

“It’s all right, Paddington,” explained Judy. “That’s what’s showing next week. That was only the trailer.”

But her words fell on empty ears for Paddington was staring at the screen again and licking his whiskers.

“Oh dear,” groaned Mr Brown, as he followed Paddington’s gaze. “They would have to advertise ice-cream. They must have known he was coming.” He felt in his pocket. “You’d better get six tubs, and some nougat or something for the big picture, Jonathan.”

“I think I’m going to enjoy myself,” announced Paddington a few minutes later as Mr Brown handed him the refreshments.

He dipped his spoon into the ice-cream tub and stared excitedly at the screen as the lights went down again to herald the start of the cowboy film.

Paddington enjoyed the cowboy film much more than the trailer, and he soon became quite lost in the story. He stood up on his seat with his paws on the balcony and his eyes glued to the screen. Every now and then he automatically dipped his spoon into the ice-cream tub and several times a lump fell off the spoon before it had even reached his mouth, which was most unusual.

It was all very complicated at first. Everyone seemed to be shooting at everyone else and Paddington got very worried in case there was no one left and they had to stop the film.

Each time the villain, who wore a black mask and a black hat, came on to the screen he booed, and when the hero appeared, riding a white horse, he cheered and waved his hat in the air until Mrs Brown became quite embarrassed. She wasn’t at all sorry when at long last the hero rode off into the setting sun and the film came to an end.

“Most enjoyable,” said Mrs Bird, rather surprisingly. The Browns had somehow never thought of Mrs Bird liking cowboy films. “Did you like it, Paddington?”

Paddington nodded his head vigorously. “I enjoyed it very much, thank you, Mrs Bird,” he said. “Except I can’t find my nougat anywhere.”

“Never mind, Paddington,” said Mr Brown, after they had all searched in vain for it. “I’ll buy you some more in a minute. After we’ve heard the organ.”

He sat back heavily in his seat and then turned to see Paddington. “If you watch,” he explained, “you’ll see it come up through the floor in a moment.”

“Come up through the floor, Mr Brown?” exclaimed Paddington. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen an organ come up through the floor before.”