Darren Shan - Vampire Destiny Trilogy

Late in the night, there was a tap on my shoulder. Glancing up, I saw Truska, smiling, holding out a slice of cake. “I know you feeling low, but I’m thinking you might like this,” she said. Truska was still learning to speak English and often mangled her words.

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry,” I said. “Good to see you again. How have you been?” Truska didn’t answer. She stared at me a moment—then thrust the slice of cake into my face! “What the hell!” I roared, leaping to my feet.

“That what you get for being big moody-guts,” Truska laughed. “I know you sad, Darren, but you can’t sit round like grumpy bear all time.”

“You don’t know anything about it,” I snapped. “You don’t know what I’m feeling. Nobody does!”

She looked at me archly. “You think you the only one to lose somebody close? I had husband and daughter. They get killed by evil fishermen.”

I blinked stupidly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Nobody here does.” She sat beside me, brushed her long hair out of her eyes and gazed up at the sky. “That why I left home and joined with Cirque Du Freak. I hurted terrible inside and had to get away. My daughter was less than two years old when she die.”

I wanted to say something but my throat felt as though there was a rope tied tight around it.

“The death of somebody you love is the second worst thing in world,” Truska said softly. “Worst thing is letting it hurt you so much that you die too—inside. Larten’s dead and I am sad for him, but if you go on as you are being, I will be sadder for you, because you will be dead too, even though your body lives.”

“I can’t help it,” I sighed. “He was like a father to me, but I didn’t cry when he died. I still haven’t. I can’t.”

Truska studied me silently, then nodded. “It hard to live with sadness if you can’t get it out with tears. Don’t worry—you’ll cry in end. Maybe you feel better when you do.” Standing, she offered me a hand. “You is dirty and smelly. Let me help clean you up. It might help.”

“I doubt it,” I said, but followed her into the tent that Mr Tall had prepared for her. I wiped the traces of cake from around my face, undressed and wrapped a towel around myself while Truska filled a tub with hot water and layered it with scented oils. She left me to get in. I felt foolish stepping into the sweet-smelling water, but it was wonderful once I lay down. I stayed there for almost an hour.

Truska came in when I’d stepped out of the tub and dried myself. She’d taken my dirty clothes, so I had to keep a towel wrapped around my middle. She made me sit in a low chair and set about my nails with a pair of scissors and a file. I told her they wouldn’t be any good – vampires have extra-tough nails – but she smiled and clipped the top of the nail off my right big toe. “These super-sharp scissors. I know all about vampire nails—I sometimes cut Vancha’s!”

When Truska was done with my nails, she trimmed my hair, then shaved me and finished off with a quick massage. When she stopped, I stood and asked where my clothes were. “Fire,” she smirked. “They was rotten. I chucked them away.”

“So what do you suggest I wear?” I grumbled.

“I have surprise,” she said. Going to a wardrobe, she plucked forth brightly coloured clothes and draped them across the foot of her bed. I instantly recognized the bright green shirt, purple trousers and blue-gold jacket—the pirate costume I used to wear when I lived at the Cirque Du Freak.

“You kept them,” I muttered, smiling foolishly.

“I told you last time you was here that I have them and would fix them so you can wear again, remember?”

It seemed like years since we’d stopped at the Cirque shortly before our first encounter with the Lord of the Vampaneze. Now that I cast my mind back, I recalled Truska promising to adjust my old costume when she had a chance.

“I wait outside,” Truska said. “Put them on and call when you ready.”

I took a long time getting into the clothes. It felt weird to be pulling them on after all these years. The last time I’d worn them, I’d been a boy, still coming to terms with being a half-vampire, unaware of how hard and unforgiving the world could be. Back then I thought the clothes looked cool, and I loved wearing them. Now they looked childish and silly to me, but since Truska had gone to the trouble of preparing them, I figured I’d better put them on to please her.

I called her when I was ready. She smiled as she entered, then went to a different wardrobe and came back with a brown hat adorned with a long feather. “I not have shoes your size,” she said. “We get some later.”

Pulling on the hat, I tilted it at an angle and smiled self-consciously at Truska. “How do I look?”

“See for yourself,” she replied, and led me to a full-length mirror.

My breath caught in my throat as I came face to face with my reflection. It may have been a trick of the dim light, but in the fresh clothes and hat, with my clean-shaven face, I looked very young, like when Truska first kitted me out in this costume.

“What you think?” Truska asked.

“I look like a child,” I whispered.

“That is partly the mirror,” she chuckled. “It is made to take off a few years—very kind to women!”

Removing the hat, I ruffled my hair and squinted at myself. I looked older when I squinted—lines sprang up around my eyes, a reminder of the sleepless nights I’d endured since Mr Crepsley’s death. “Thanks,” I said, turning away from the mirror.

Truska put a firm hand on my head and swivelled me back towards my reflection. “You not finished,” she said.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “I’ve seen all there is to see.”

“No,” she said. “You haven’t.” Leaning forward, she tapped the mirror. “Look at your eyes. Look deep in them, and don’t turn away until you see.”

“See what?” I asked, but she didn’t answer. Frowning, I gazed into my eyes, reflected in the mirror, searching for anything strange. They looked the same as ever, a little sadder than usual, but…

I stopped, realizing what Truska wanted me to see. My eyes didn’t just look sad—they were completely empty of life and hope. Even Mr Crepsley’s eyes, as he died, hadn’t looked that lost. I knew now what Truska meant when she said the living could be dead too.

“Larten not want this,” she murmured in my ear as I stared at the hollow eyes in the mirror. “He love life. He want you to love it too. What would he say if he saw this alive-but-dead gaze that will get worse if you not stop?”

“He … he…” I gulped deeply.

“Empty is no good,” Truska said. “You must fill eyes, if not with joy, then with sadness and pain. Even hate is better than empty.”

“Mr Crepsley told me I wasn’t to waste my life on hate,” I said promptly, and realized this was the first time I’d mentioned his name since arriving at the Cirque Du Freak. “Mr Crepsley,” I said again, slowly, and the eyes in the mirror wrinkled. “Mr Crepsley,” I sighed. “Larten. My friend.” My eyelids were trembling now, and tears gathered at the edges. “He’s dead,” I moaned, turning to face Truska. “Mr Crepsley’s dead!”

With that, I threw myself into her embrace, locked my arms around her waist, and wailed, finally finding the tears to express my grief. I wept long and hard, and the sun had risen on a new morning before I cried myself out and slid to the floor, where Truska slipped a pillow under my head and hummed a strange, sad tune as I closed my eyes and slept.

IT WAS a cold but dry March—star-filled nights, frost-white dawns and sharp blue days. The Cirque Du Freak was performing in a large town situated close to a waterfall. We’d been there four nights already, and it would be another week before we moved on—lots of tourists were coming to our shows, as well as the residents of the town. It was a busy, profitable time.