Debbie Macomber - Heart of Texas Vol. 3 - Caroline's Child

“I…wish you hadn’t done that.” Her voice trembled, shaky with shock and wonder. What astounded her as much as his kiss was how much she’d enjoyed it.

“Are you looking for an apology?”

His voice was close to her ear and she realized that he still held her.

“I could give you one if you wanted,” he went on, “but it wouldn’t be sincere.”

She smiled at his words and eased away from him. There was definitely something in the air tonight that had caused her to behave so completely out of character.

“It’s because of today,” she said aloud. “The whole day.” One of the best days she’d had in three years of grief and struggle.

“The day?” Travis repeated, walking at her side as they continued toward the parking lot.

She glanced at him, surprised she’d spoken aloud. Since she had, she couldn’t very well leave him in the dark. That would be rude and unnecessary. If he was to continue paying for room and board, then she had best set boundaries between them now. Kissing was definitely out of bounds.

“Naturally I’m flattered that you’d want to kiss me.”

“I’d like to do it again, if you’re not opposed.”

She shook her head. “I’d rather you didn’t.”

He was quiet after that, but not for long. “What did you mean when you said it was because of today?”

She exhaled slowly. “Winning the chili cook-off. The kids having such a wonderful time. Willie Nelson showing up like that. Dancing in the moonlight…I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t thinking—otherwise that kiss would never have happened.”

“How weren’t you yourself?” he prodded.

Nell was much too tired to endure an inquisition. “I just wasn’t.”

“How?” he pressed.

“I was happy, excited…”

He couldn’t seem to leave it at that. “You aren’t normally?”

“No,” she returned shortly. “Not for the last three years.”

A silence followed her words. Nell heard his sigh.

“You must have loved him very much.”

She didn’t hesitate. “More than life itself. In many ways I died with my husband. Nothing will ever be the same again.”

They paused in front of her battered pickup. The Dodge was well past its prime. It’d been ready for the scrap heap when Jake was alive, but Nell had coaxed three more years from it; she prayed the truck would last another year.

“I disagree,” he said.

His words cut into her thoughts. She raised questioning eyes to him. “What do you mean?”

“You loved Jake, and it’s obvious you two shared something very special. But you didn’t die with him. The woman I kissed is alive and healthy. She’s vital and lovely and passionate.” He raised his hand as if to touch her face, but changed his mind and slowly lowered it. “I felt your heart pound against mine. The woman I kissed is alive, Nell. She has a lot to live for.”

“I—”

“You might prefer to think of yourself as dead, but you aren’t.”

His words surprised her more than his kiss. She didn’t know how to respond, how to react. Ruth had been saying the same thing to her, but in different words. All this time she’d resisted, afraid she’d lose even more of Jake than she already had. This was dangerous stuff, too dangerous to think about right now. She’d leave it for another time.

“You haven’t dated since Jake died?” Travis asked.

She shook her head.

“What’s the matter with the men in this town?” he asked in a way that suggested they were idiots.

“Grady Weston asked me to the big summer dance last year.”

“And?”

“And I turned him down. Glen Patterson, too.”

“Nell, no.” He planted his hands squarely on her shoulders. “Wake up. Look around you. Breathe in the cool night air and let it fill your lungs. Let yourself feel.”

He spoke with such intensity all she could do was stare at him.

“You don’t believe anything I’ve said, do you? I can see it in your eyes.”

Instantly she lowered her gaze. “I’ll never have with anyone else the kind of love I had with Jake.”

“Of course you won’t,” he said.

The man said and did the most shocking things.

“Jake was Jake,” he continued. “Any relationship you might have with another man will be different from your marriage to Jake because that man will be different from Jake.” He paused. “The problem, Nell, is that you haven’t seen it this way. The way you see it, any other man is destined to fall short because he can never be a replacement for the original.”

She had to admit Travis made sense. It was exactly what Ruth and Dovie and several others, Savannah included, had been trying to tell her. Either she hadn’t fully understood or she hadn’t been ready to listen.

It hit her then that Travis spoke as if he was familiar with this type of loss. “You lost your wife?” she asked him.

Now it was Travis who looked away. “In a manner of speaking.”

“What manner?” He’d prodded and pried, now she did the same.

“I’m divorced.”

“You loved her?”

“Very much,” he said, “and I assumed she loved me. But apparently I was wrong.”

Nell waited for him to go on, and after a moment he did.

“She met someone else.” Travis buried his hands deep inside his pockets as though he felt a need to suppress his anger, even now. “Someone who could give her the things she needed, the things I couldn’t—and I’m not just talking about money.” He sounded philosophical, but beneath his matter-of-fact statement, she recognized his pain. Recognized it because she’d experienced a similar pain.

“Tony, Val’s new husband, sets her on fire,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I didn’t.”

Nell might have accepted the words at face value if not for one thing. He’d held her and kissed her. There was definitely fire in him, and it was burning strong. Maybe his ex-wife hadn’t provided enough kindling, she mused—and felt some amazement that such a thought had occurred to her. “Bitterness wouldn’t solve anything, so I decided to do what I could—go on with my life, put the past behind me.”

“Have you?”

“I like to think so.” He said this as if he expected her to challenge him. “How is it we’re talking about me? You’re the one who’s still living in the past, not me.”

“Really?”

Travis chuckled and held up his hand. “Enough. Your point is well taken. We’re both among the walking wounded.”

Nell smiled. “Perhaps we could learn from each other,” she suggested.

Travis nodded. “Perhaps we can.”

They drove back to the ranch in separate vehicles. Travis pulled into the yard seconds behind her.

“Good night,” she called, offering him a friendly wave as she headed toward the house. A single light shone above the back porch door. In all likelihood Jeremy and Emma were sound asleep; it would surprise her if Ruth was still up.

“’Night, Nell.”

Once inside the house, she climbed up the stairs to her room, undressed in the dark and sat on the edge of her bed, reviewing the events of the day. When she turned on the bedside lamp and took out her journal, it wasn’t the five-hundred-dollar prize money she thought of. Instead, she found herself writing about Travis’s kiss and the discussion that had followed.

JEREMY AND EMMA had been up for at least an hour by the time Nell got out of bed. Sundays were just as hectic as schooldays because chores needed to be finished before they left for Sunday School and church.

Nell had coffee brewing and was cracking eggs for French toast when the kitchen door opened and Travis strolled casually inside. “’Morning,” he said, helping himself to coffee.

“Good morning,” she said, whipping the eggs into a frothy mixture before adding the milk. The griddle was ready and she had six slices of egg-soaked bread sizzling in short order.