Kylie Chan - Earth to Hell

‘God, he’s always manipulating me into doing his dirty work for him,’ I said, frustrated. ‘Recommendations?’

‘Do we have any ideas on his location?’ Marshal Zhu asked, her firm voice counterpointing her sweet façade.

‘We have demons in Hell, and stones all over the place with their ears to the ground looking for something unusual or a new nest,’ I said.

‘So far nothing has come up,’ the stone in my ring said.

‘Well, then, there’s nothing we can do until we obtain some intelligence,’ Ma said, sounding like a corporate CEO in a board meeting. ‘As soon as you have news, call us in for an emergency session and we’ll work out what to do then. In the meantime, they can’t hurt your Retainer, they’ll just hold him as a bargaining piece and bait for their trap. We need to find out where he is.’

‘I hope the stones get something soon,’ I said.

‘We should be able to spare some agents as well,’ Meng said. ‘Many of our foot soldiers are demons.’

‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘What’s next?’

‘Er Lang,’ Liang said, his voice loud and deep. ‘Do this one quickly, my Lady, he could injure you. You’ll need to get all your current challenges out of the way in the next week so that you can be ready when the Demon King gives you the information about Leo.’

‘Are any of you close enough to Er Lang to ask him why he’s doing this?’ I said.

The Generals looked at each other around the table, then they all shook their heads.

‘Let me ask Ah Yu,’ Ma said. ‘Give me a second.’

‘Er Lang’s a bit of a loner,’ Yang said, as General Ma unfocused, talking to Guan Yu. ‘Wasn’t so antisocial before the Monkey King defeated him. After that, he spent a lot of time off doing stuff by himself.’

‘That really happened, just like in the legend?’ I said. ‘The Monkey King beat him?’

‘Thoroughly spanked his ass,’ Zhu said, amusement lighting up her face. ‘We weren’t called in, the Dark Lord wasn’t called in, but the Monkey King caused chaos in the Celestial Palace for some time. The legend is quite accurate; it was only the Lady in the end who could subdue him.’

‘Big blow to Er Lang’s massive ego,’ Liang said with similar amusement. ‘Spanked by a monkey.’

The other Generals laughed.

‘And spent a lot of time by himself since,’ Meng finished. ‘Dunno whether he has issues about women in positions of power, but this might be the problem he has with you, and the reason he’s called you out.’

‘He called me out too,’ General Zhu said, the silver pins in her hair glittering as she moved her head. ‘When I received my investiture, he was onto me almost immediately to test my Celestial Worthiness. He does seem to have issues with women in power.’

‘Oh, wonderful ,’ I said, and rested my chin in my hand. ‘He’s gonna take out his humiliation on me and give me a lesson at the same time. Is he honourable enough to hold to the ground rules?’

‘Yes, it’ll be fine,’ Meng said. ‘You have Celestial backing on that. He’s a Shen of honour, he’ll respect the limits that are in place.’

‘True,’ Zhu said, and the other Generals nodded agreement. ‘He was completely controlled when I faced him, and in the end he admitted that both me and my sister Bo Niang are more than qualified to hold our rank.’

‘I’ll arrange to face him right after I’ve talked to Simone’s teacher,’ I said. ‘I don’t know which one I dread more.’

Ma snapped back. ‘Ah Yu says that he hasn’t spoken to Er Lang in about seventy-five years, except on formal Celestial business to do with the administration of the City of Hell.’ He smiled wryly. ‘I think he has issues with our …’ His voice trailed off and the other Generals glared at him. ‘Well, he has no issues with Guan Yu, but he doesn’t like the company that Ah Yu is keeping, so to speak.’

‘He has that much of a problem with me?’ I said. ‘The fact that I’m a lowly human and he has to report to me?’

The Generals all quickly shook their heads. ‘No, no, not you, ma’am,’ Marshal Ma said. ‘Er Lang has issues with the nature of some of the Dark Lord’s officers.’

General Zhu snorted delicately with derision. ‘It’s been a thousand years already, he should get over it !’

‘Get over what?’ I said. ‘More information!’

The Generals shared a look over the table, then General Ma deliberately changed the subject.

‘Simone and elementals,’ he said. ‘She must learn to control them, Lady Emma, this is becoming very difficult. They appear out of nowhere, sometimes damaging property, other times threatening any Shen who they feel have slighted Simone. It’s only a matter of time before they either hurt a Shen or appear before a non-Celestial.’

‘Simone’s agreed to have lessons with one of the Wudang Masters to learn how to control them,’ I said, to a concert of relieved sighs. ‘Problem solved.’

‘How about bringing down a couple of teachers from Celestial High to talk to her while we have the door open?’ Meng said, and the other Generals nodded. ‘She could learn so much more at CH; her current school really doesn’t cater for her special abilities. She could make friends with other Shen —’

‘She refuses point-blank to discuss this possibility,’ I said. ‘Look at it her way. She’s one of the most powerful creatures on the Celestial Plane. People are either scared of her or try to cultivate her because of who she is. At the International School she’s just another kid.’

‘But she’s not learning to use her full capabilities,’ Zhu said. ‘There is probably so much more that she could do. She is such a valuable asset in the battle against the forces of Hell. Allow us to call her into battle more often. The more of us women kicking demon ass, the better.’

‘She’s growing up as an ordinary teenager — as far as I can make it anyway,’ I said. ‘She uses her abilities when she has to, but she’s in a reasonably normal Earthly household, and I think this is what the Dark Lord wanted for her. She’s not a child soldier fighting demons; she’s as much as possible just a fourteen-year-old girl.’

There was silence around the table for a moment, then Zhu said softly, ‘You are very wise sometimes, my Lady.’

‘True serpent,’ Meng said. ‘Impressive, ma’am.’

‘Northern Heavens,’ I said. ‘Tell me how bad it is.’

They shifted the papers to bring up the Celestial budget.

‘And you will tell me what the issue is with Er Lang.’

They ignored me.

The next morning Marcus dropped me outside the Pedder Building so that I could go to the Celestial Combat Arena to face my first challenge. The street was close to the middle of Central District and always packed with pedestrians and cars. The Pedder Building was one of Hong Kong’s few remaining old colonial buildings: a multistoreyed mall with a delightful old-fashioned lift and a vintage-themed tea house on the first floor among the clothing factory outlets.

I went around the corner and crossed Queen’s Road at the busiest pedestrian crossing in the Territory. It was at least fifteen metres wide and always packed with people jostling to get across the road. The government had made a pedestrian overpass part of the conditions for the developers who’d built on either side of the road, but they’d never bothered to put it up and had never been penalised for it. People were regularly struck by cars as they dashed across the road against the lights.

I walked up D’Aguilar Street, also packed with pedestrians, past the Wellington Street intersection, and turned right onto Wo On Lane. This was a narrow, near-deserted street, only wide enough for one car, and a tiny oasis from the crush of people. I walked to the end of the lane, passing some closed-up restaurants, a laundry and the back of the buildings facing Wellington Street. The lane was a dead end, with a small altar to a local god at the end, and a gate opening onto a park with a circular arena-shaped paved area — the Earthly analogue for the Celestial Combat Arena. Stairs ran up the side of the park to the streets of Central high above, showing exactly how steep the mountainside could be in some parts of Hong Kong.