Roni Loren - Still Into You

The slew of possibilities was both enticing and overwhelming at the same time. He and Leila had never done anything really kinky except a one-time we-could-get-caught semi-public sex early in their relationship. He’d done his fair share of kinky stuff with girls he’d met playing in his band in college, but he’d turned that part of himself off once he’d fallen for Lei. She’d been a virgin when he’d met her, and he’d wanted to give her romance, not raunchiness. So he had no idea what she may or may not respond to. “I guess maybe we could start with—”

A familiar sound cut him off mid-sentence, shriveling the words in his throat.

Jace frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Seth held up a finger, shushing Jace, and honed in on what he thought he’d heard. The radio show had come back from commercial and had taken a new caller.

“Mary, it’s okay. Try to take a breath and start again. We’re here to help,” the doctor soothed.

A long pause on the airwaves, and then the tear-choked voice Seth had heard the first time filled the silence. “I’m sorry. It’s just—I think I almost cheated on my husband tonight . ”

Seth’s skin turned clammy, and white noise hummed so loudly in his ears, he could barely hear Dr. Dan encouraging the caller to go on. His fingers dug into his thighs.

“Dude, what’s wrong?” Jace asked again, scooting forward on the couch. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“The radio,” he whispered, the words scratching past his dry throat. “It’s Leila.”

“I have kids and I love my husband. So much. But he’s never home and I feel so … alone. I find myself wanting things I shouldn’t, wanting other people, wanting to feel really alive again …” Her voice caught for a moment, then: “ I’m a horrible person. ”

“Oh, shit,” Jace said under his breath.

Seth put his head in his hands, closing his eyes as his world tumbled down around him. His wife wanted other people. People who weren’t him.

This wasn’t something he could fix with a new set of lingerie and some sexy videos.

He tried not the vomit on the Turkish rug Leila had picked out for Jace’s office.

The rest of the call was a hazy swirl of word soup. Dr. Dan prodded Leila with a few questions and then suggested couples’ counseling or something. What the fuck did it matter? Sitting in an office with some shrink wasn’t going to fix this . He and Leila had done counseling early on after the baby was born and both had agreed it’d been a big waste of time. They’d worked things out in their own way—through action, not touchy-feely talk-it-out sessions.

At some point Jace got up and turned off the show. Then a warm hand landed on Seth’s shoulder. “Man, I’m really sorry you had to hear that.”

Seth shook his head, wishing to God he hadn’t had to experience this in front of someone else. Knowing your wife wanted to fuck someone other than you was humiliating enough without an audience. “I should … I should go.”

Jace’s hand stayed firm, keeping Seth in his seat when he tried to get up. “Hold up.”

“No, I need to go. Obviously what I came here for would be like using a water gun on a forest fire. My wife wants out.” His whole body itched to get up and run. To where, he had no idea. Maybe into a brick wall.

“Seth, just give me a minute here, okay?” Jace said, his tone calm. “This doesn’t have to mean the end or that it’s time to give up.”

Seth scoffed. “Right. My wife almost slept with someone else tonight.”

Jace sat on the edge of his desk. “But she didn’t. And she’s obviously upset about having those feelings. If she didn’t love you or care about your marriage, she would’ve done it and lied. Getting away with an affair is not that hard. People do it all the time.”

“Oh, there’s a comforting thought.” Seth thought of all the hours he spent slaving at the restaurant, all those nights Leila could easily sneak away with a lover if she wanted to.

“Believe me, in this business, I see a lot.” Jace crossed his arms and considered Seth. “How experienced was Leila when you two got together?”

Seth’s mind was buzzing with a mass of half-formed thoughts and fully formed emotions. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Jace simply waited.

“I was her first.”

Jace nodded. “Okay, so Leila’s been with one guy her entire life. She had to give up those experimental years because she became a wife and mother too young. I would think if she wasn’t feeling at least some temptation by now, she wouldn’t be normal.”

“Yeah, but what am I supposed to do about that?” Seth asked, the words jagged. “I can do a lot. I can try to find some time to take off work. I can spice things up as much as she wants, but it’s still me in her bed. The same guy.”

Jace shrugged. “What if it’s not? What if you let her have what she wants?”

“ What ? You expect me to just turn my head and let her cheat?”

Jace raised a palm to him. “Hear me out. I know my thinking tends to be a bit … alternative. But what if you gave each other a weekend off from monogamy?”

Seth looked at Jace like he’d started talking Sanskrit. “Yeah, right. Why don’t I just draw up divorce papers now?”

“No, I’m serious. I know a number of couples who do this successfully. They love each other and want to stay together, but feel trapped by the strict rules of marriage. So every now and then they go to a safe place where they can take a break and stretch the rules a bit. On the far end, that could mean totally swapping partners. On the lighter end, it could mean something like ménage.”

“A safe place?”

“Yeah, a place where everyone knows what’s going on, where no one is trying to steal each other’s mate, and where no one in your normal life will see you out with someone other than your spouse.”

“Jace, look, I appreciate you trying to help, but I think I would want to maim and dismember any guy who tried to touch my wife.” A sick feeling rolled through his stomach. “And what if I did let her do something like that and she decided she didn’t want back in the marriage?”

Jace’s sympathy was written across his features. “That is a risk. But what’s that old saying? Sometimes the only way to see if someone loves you is to set them free and see if they come back to you.”

Seth’s throat burned with unshed tears, his worst fear laid out before him.

If Leila had to do it all over, would she choose him again?

He had his doubts.

Jace blew out a breath and grabbed a business card off his desk. He scrawled something on the back and handed it to Seth. “That’s the number for a friend of mine who owns a resort where you and Leila could do this. There’s a big process to become a member, but I’ll call him and give him your name to let him know you’d be personal guests of mine.”

The card seemed to singe Seth’s fingertips—like taking it was making some Faustian deal with the universe. “Jace, I really—”

“You don’t have to use it. I won’t bring it up ever again. Whether you call or not is totally up to you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Just know it’s there if you decide you need it.”

“Thanks for your help.” Seth stood. “But I’m not going to give up on us yet.”

Jace nodded. “I really hope y’all can work it out, man.”

Seth tucked the card in his pocket and headed out the door, his shoulders sagging with the weight of knowing he was going home to a wife who didn’t want him anymore.

The house alarm beeped, announcing Seth’s arrival. Leila hurriedly splashed water on her face, trying to erase the evidence of her tears, and then turned off the lights to get into bed before he made his way upstairs.